I’m going to a small(2k undergrads) private college and the night before move in day my former roommate texted me saying she was not going to attend the school. This is very upsetting because that gave no time for me to get a new roommate. I am in a different state(though only an hour from home) with no car and I don’t know anybody. My former roommate seemed like someone I would get along with well so that is another disappointment. I’ve barely interacted with anyone at the school so far. I’m kinda shy so I figured a roommate would be a great start to making friends. Now I see friends and roommates around campus together, going to the dining hall together and I’m just so lonely. I’m feeling really depressed. This isn’t like the movies were you can go up to someone and say “hey lets be friends” that will just get you a creepy look.
You will get a new one, and I hope it works out. For now, just approach your neighbos and explain the situation and ask to tag along to dinner…
Start talking to your neighbors in your dorm. Inform them your roomie dropped out so when they are going to dinner would they mind stopping by to get you. Talk to your RA and see if they can help you get connected. You are in the beginning of college…people are still in the “meet friends mode”. Join a club. Go to any dorm activities. Talk to people in your class.
This is the best time to talk to people randomly…everyone wants to make friends now.
“What dorm are you in?”
“Where is your home town?”
“What are you majoring in?”
If there are orientation/welcome week activities, go to all of them. It is all about meeting people. This is NOT the time to withdraw.
Ask the housing office if you will be getting a new roommate. Agree, you need to approach your neighbors before dinner time and ask if you can go along. Even if you had a roommate, wouldn’t you be approaching the others down the hall and getting to know them?
It may have been a while since you had to make new friends, and it can be unsettling to have to walk up to strangers. But they will not be strangers forever! The folks in your dorm hall will be coming and going, so smile and say hello to everyone you pass in the hall. You are not the only shy, scared student on that campus. I bet others on your hall are sitting and waiting for someone to say hello to them too.
Dig deep and pull out all the courage you can muster for these next few days. A roommate can be good or bad or indifferent to you making friends. Make cookies and go around and offer them to others. Or ask your family to send a care package with goodies you can share. Food and music can be good ways to meet people. Or go next door and ask to borrow something, or ask what time a certain event starts. Ask do you know where the ?? center is, I was thinking about going to the orientation event there tonight. Are you planning to go? Could I tag along?
The journey to friendship starts with you stepping out of your comfort zone. It is your choice to sit alone, but that means you are choosing to be miserable. Which scares you more–loneliness or fear of speaking with a stranger? You will only change your behavior when your fear of loneliness is greater than your fear of speaking to strangers.
Good luck to you!
I feel you!
Last year when I was a freshman, my first roommate had me switch as soon as we were assigned. Okay, fine, she had met someone else she wanted to room with. (Still felt a little hurt.) The second one moved out after a month because a spot opened up in her friend’s suite. Okay, fine, though I would have appreciated a little more heads-up than coming back to a partially empty room. (But what’s wrong with me that I can’t keep a roommate?!) I was by myself for about three days before they forcibly moved someone else in, and that third roommate was so inconsiderate that I would have preferred the single. Basically I failed to make friends with a total of three roommates (and really anyone else on my 40k-student campus.)
My point is: I know exactly how you feel. Give it time, though. On a small campus, you’ll probably start to see the same people over and over – class, clubs, dorm. That’s how friendships start. And once you find your niche, you might even be glad that you have your own space without having to share. Good luck and if you ever need someone to vent to, feel free to message me.
I didn’t go away to school, so take this for what it’s worth.
I wouldn’t be at all surprised if a number of people start to switch roommates. So why not speak to your RA, and let her know you would be open to having someone join you.
And perhaps you can get to know the RA to the point where she assigns you someone kind of like yourself.
Leave your door open and play some music. Maybe have some Oreos or something to share if someone sticks their head in, and keep a deck of cards around. Try clubs, look for opportunities to study with others. Try getting a job or volunteering for a big campus event that takes a lot of time and people to pull together.
Trust me that you are far better off without a roommate than with a bad one, too!
Yes, I agree that keeping your door open is a great idea. Most people in dorms don’t really knock on doors because they don’t know if the person is napping or wants to be left alone. An open door invites people to poke their head in and say hello. I met one of my friends that way. Actually, she danced through my open door and plopped herself on the floor and said hi. So it happens.
Don’t be afraid to ask other people on your floor to take you to eat meals with them. Everyone is getting a feel for the place and having more people with them puts them more at ease. The more the merrier. Start talking to people in class, ask for phone numbers to keep in contact in case you need to miss a class. Maybe text them and ask if they want to get something to eat. Remember you aren’t the only one in this situation so don’t worry it will get better. The first few weeks are awkward but embrace having the room to yourself. Trust me it is nice to have a room to yourself so for the time being enjoy it. You can decide what to watch on tv and when the lights go off at night. You don’t have to worry when your roomie will be back. And chances are you will have a new roomie in no time. Best of luck!