Thank you @Hanna, at this point we are encouraging him to take a year off before applying to grad school to make sure he has his depression under control and continue with the same therapist. But I will certainly send a PM when the time comes!
I recently spoke to a professional college counselor. She used to help high school seniors get into prestigious institutions, but now focuses solely on grad school. D had a consultation with her about applying to grad school. After looking at Ds transcript and resume, she asked her, “have you ever been arrested or convicted of ANYTHING?” D said no, absolutely not. The counselor said that D was the first one she’d talked to without so much as a MIP or MIC. And she has helped many a person get into grad school.
Though DUI is a serious thing, for many it’s just a temporary stumbling block. My own Dad got one over 30 years ago, and he says it is the best thing that ever happened to him. He has not had a drop of alcohol since that day, has had great jobs, now volunteers in several different places, and is as happy and healthy as a 79 y/o could possibly be.
This will be surmountable.
@educ8me any updates? Hoping you and your son are coping.
I forget what the percentage is- but the percentage of people with DUIs is very high. Your son will not be precluded from graduate school or good jobs. I assure you of that. I have some experience with this with people I know (and- I am a lawyer) and it is a very unfortunate situation, but isn’t the end of the world. California is a whole different universe from the rest of the country, unfortunately. Otherwise, if the blood test shows barely over the limit, the charge would probably be reduced.
I can’t hire someone for 3 years with a dui who drives a company vehicle for insurance reasons. Other than that it’s up to my discretion. My sales rep had one and we talked about it and we gave him a car allowance instead.
As long as he is upfront about it, shows remorse, says it was a terrible mistake and most importantly doesn’t do it again, it won’t ruin his life.
This is a wonderful support forum. No judgement here…I was very lucky in my younger days, and sometimes not younger days (like late 20’s), driving when I shouldn’t have. Only luck I never got caught, like many now responsible citizens. It happens to all sorts of people…a well respected judge in town was on vacation is South Carolina a few years back, driving back from a golf course and pulled over with a DUI. He’s still practicing. People do move on.
DS just got caught with weed a month ago and we’ve been dealing with that, attorneys, court system, school. We were initially devastated, but with encouragement and wisdom from this CC group, was told we will get passed it. We are not through it yet, but calmly moving on and dealing with it.
The main issue is the depression. I think you’ve already taken steps to help him with that. I’m think every day that goes by, things won’t be do raw. I’m agree…forget about Canada. Is there some reason that is an issue?
Hang in there. We all make mistakes. No one was hurt. You know, sometimes I think these setbacks, even with ramnifications, are a blessing in disguise. His drinking habits will change, he won’t drink and drive anymore…so now less risk anything would happen in the future. To be so depressed that he would consider suicide leads me to believe something was going on inside him before this. Maybe this was the catalyst that exposed it before it got worse! So many reasons why some things happen…sometimes I don’t believe it’s just a coincidence.
its just hard to see that while you are in the midst of it happening. It will get better day by day. I think you are doing a great job in supporting and encouraging your son.
I’m sorry.
Wow. You can get a job with a DUI but not with a poor credit score. @ahsmuoh
Not saying a one-time DUI shouldn’t get a job, but people with poor credit (due to joblessness) shouldn’t be treated any worse than a DUI.
@educ8me I am sure all will work out well. Good luck to your son.
@brantly that really burns me up about credit scores, especially after the downturn of 2008-09. I have great credit but so many people lost jobs, and/or have medical bills, and it really messes up your credit.
Drug and alcohol-related arrests/tickets can be a big problem for students who plan to become pharmacists.
He was right to get the blood test – if it comes up with a lower number the charges will probably be dismissed. If the BAC is just over 0.8 – but under 1.0 – he probably will be offered the ability to plead to a lesser charge of reckless driving. In most courts the offers are pretty standardized, but I’d still advise hiring a lawyer. There might be other issues that can be raised in his defense. Don’t assume that he will be convicted of anything until it happens.
S got a DUI a month after graduating. This came a year after dealing with extreme difficulties with him in school. He graduated a year late.
Good news, his DUI was reduced, after thousands of dollars, to a DWAI. That is the best NY offers.
Good news, S rarely drinks much now, 5 1/2 years later. He has a full time job. Bad news, his job is not going anywhere and certainly not up to his intelligence ( graduated with a physics major, math minor).
He sees a therapist for depression. I have no idea what the future will bring?!??!
Is that a ramification of the DUI?
@educ8me - this could have happened to any of us…stay strong. Hugs
Thank you all for the encouragement and success stories. Time has been an effective healer for all of us, and we’ve had time to put the incident into perspective. My son still gets ‘blue’ when he thinks about what poor judgement he used in driving, but he is also thinking about the future and his options. Apparently the defense lawyer will make the court appearance on his behalf at the end of the month, which we hadn’t realized when we signed on. It’s been 3 weeks and we still don’t have the results of the blood test, so we don’t even know what sort of punishment he will be facing. The breathalyzer result doesn’t show up on any of the booking documents. His biggest challenge will be scheduling his time with winter quarter classes, court mandated alcohol awareness classes, therapist visits and any community service or other requirements. Thank goodness for Uber, not sure the bus will get him everywhere he needs to be. We have no idea what to expect from the court system, but CA leaves little leeway for reducing the charges.
He had no plans to visit Canada, it was just surprising to us that they had that restriction in place for all visitors from the USA, even those not planning to drive in Canada. We have a lot to be thankful for. No one was hurt and he is receiving therapy that he probably should have been receiving prior to the incident. I’ll post an update again after the court hearing in a few weeks. Until then we’ll do our best to enjoy the holidays and try not to dwell on it.
The portable breathalyzer that police carry and use on-scene is not accurate enough to be used in court – it’s enough to give the police probable cause to arrest, but can’t be used by itself to support a conviction. That’s why your son was offered a choice of tests when he got to the police station.
Again, your son was very wise to choose a blood test – it’s obviously the most accurate way to ascertain blood alcohol level, and it leaves a sample that can be retested if appropriate. If your son’s BAC based on the on-scene breathalyzer was borderline, then there’s a good chance that the blood test will come back favorably. And as I noted above, from what you say, I think if that happens the charges would likely be dropped, as it doesn’t seem that there is other evidence prove intoxication. You said he was stopped for driving too slowly, not weaving between lanes or anything else more indicative of impaired judgement.