My 22 year old son is a college senior in California. He used terrible judgement and received a misdemeanor DUI last week. He had been drinking with friends earlier in the day and thought he was “okay” after several hours. He was pulled over because the officer thought he was driving too slowly. He passed the sobriety test but the breathalyzer registered over .08. He consented to the blood test, and will have to wait a few weeks for that result. He spent 12 hours in a small room at the county jail with 5 other detainees, and this experience has driven home the severity of his actions. He has vowed not drive or drink for at least 6 months, regardless of the requirements imposed by the DMV and criminal justice system.
Our family supports tough DUI laws and know they have saved many lives over the years. However our son feels so bad he has expressed suicidal feelings and we are grappling with the implosion of his life. He will begin counseling with a therapist next week and we hope she will be able to help him deal with his depression. In addition to never being able to visit Canada, most of the information online suggests this crime will haunt him for the rest of his life and doom his chances to attend graduate school or obtain a good job. Some of you may log on to tell us how he deserves every punishment thrown at him, and I understand the visceral feelings DUI evokes in people. But perhaps some others can provide some insight into how we should proceed. I would especially like to hear even one story of someone who received a DUI as a young adult but went on to lead a happy and productive life.
I’m no expert, but I suggest you hire an attorney, ASAP. Given this is his first offense, if he gets counseling, takes some kind of alcohol addiction related class, and otherwise is doing well in life, he may get off with probation before judgment or something like that.
Well, I’m not going to identify anyone in particular, but yes, I do know of someone who had a DUI in college, and went on to have a very successful career. She paid her dues, but had a good lawyer who helped. Unfortunately, I’d like to say it was the last time she ever drank and drove (at least I am highly suspicious that she did), but no more DUIs, and never an accident (that I knew of). I gather from reading her Facebook page she really doesn’t lead a party lifestyle anymore, so maybe she finally grew up.
Not to derail your thread, but I didn’t know that about Canada.
Having the DUI won’t always preclude him from positions or grad school admissions, but it will always be something he will have to explain. And he should never lie about it or omit it, because that will be worse.
We did consult with an attorney and have hired him to help deal with the court proceedings. However he was straightforward with us and said that unless there was misconduct by the arresting officer it is unlikely that he will be able to change the outcome. My son said the officer was actually very kind and competent and told him that this should be considered as a wake up call to protect him and others in the future. His license will be suspended for 3-6 months, and he will be required to complete a 3 month alcohol awareness course. He is prepared to accept all the punishments that his crime warrants, but he doesn’t see a good future for himself with this on his record.
Your son should get a lawyer. There will be basic consequences that he must follow to a T. However, it should not impact graduate school admissions or getting a good job. I know young people who had a first time offense who completed all the requirements associated with it. They went onto successful jobs and so forth. It is not a life sentence. Hopefully, your son can talk to others who have been through it and learn this via an attorney or counselor as well.
Yes, oddly, the fact that Canada denies entry to DUI holders doesn’t get much press. I think the ban ends 10 years after the conviction and can be shortened with complicated and expensive legal appeal. The lawyer told us that he got a panicked call once from a university professor with a DUI who was in Canada for a conference and was held at the border. Not sure whether it was resolved.
Thank you for the hopeful comments. One problem is that the vast majority of internet sites that pop up in a search for DUI are actually run by DUI attorneys trolling for customers. Also there are so many people who have been devastated by drunk drivers, I understand their lack of sympathy for anyone arrested for DUI. I think I used to be one of those people until this happened.
I am an Executive a Recruiter and we do background checks on everyone before receiving a job offer. We have seen many DUI’s on these checks and unless there is a second offense it has never kept our clients from giving an offer. He just needs to make sure it NEVER happens again.
Please take immediate care to address his comments about suicidal thoughts. Forget about Canada. Let him know you will support him, that he can and will get past this and that he has much to offer that this one mistake will not take away.
Wow, the College Confidential crowd has done me more good than anything I’ve found, thank you. I need to prop myself up to help my son, and you’re helping! abasket, we got an emergency referral to a therapist as soon as it was clear his depression was lasting beyond the initial incident. He seems okay most of the time, but dwells on the mistake rather than thinking about how to move forward.
OP, you need to PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER and repeat over and over again to your SON that EVERYONE makes mistakes, EVERYONE !!! [including the daughters of a former President lol ].
It will do him NO GOOD to beat himself up over this one incident. Yes it will have ramifications, BUT
NO ONE DIED, no one was injured, nothing was damaged, except his ego and driving record.
Its a life lesson and a mistake that he wont make again.
My friends SIL (38) had a DUI and has a clearance required job at the DOD. He is doing well. My brother had several DUIs (has been sober for >20 years) and has a good job, two years left on his mortgage etc. It isn’t a life sentence, but we did just lose a friend to suicide (granted he was 65 and depressed for years) but talk of suicide would get my attention
I’ve helped kids with FELONIES get into graduate school. He can explain a mistake. This is a setback, not a brick wall. Send me a PM when it’s time for grad school applications.
Regarding the Canada thing - a lot of times they don’t check when you cross although I’m sure it’s random. AFAIK they would not prevent you from RETURNING to the US from Canada, so not sure what the lawyer was talking about. After 10 years you can apply for remediation. That does not require a lawyer according to my understanding although the forms are onerous.
Otherwise, people have done far worse and gone on with life. No reason he can’t as well. Get off the Doom wagon and on the Get Back On Your Feet Son wagon. You are not helping matters with the end-of-the-world attitude.
You can request permission to go to Canada, sort of like getting a visa. FWIW, the US also stops Canadians with DUIs from entering the US. One guy learned that the hard way when on his way to the Superbowl a few years ago.
On of my good friend’s sons was stopped for a serious DUI, was extremely drunk, lucky he did not kill himself or anyone else driving, and spent three days in a county jail. He too felt extremely remorseful and embarrassed to the point of suicidal for a time shortly after the incident. He did hire a lawyer, mostly to help him protect his employment situation, and to help him to be able to get his license back within the following year. The young man is mechanical engineer who works for a satellite company whose job requires security clearance due to a high number of government contracts. He was able to keep his job, had to move to an apartment closer to his job so that he walk, ride a bicycle or take public transportation, and he did get his license back after one year. He no longer drinks alcohol, and actually lives a much healthier lifestyle overall compared to before the incident. Your son can get through this.