College Social Issues

<p>I recently just moved into college (A few days ago). I didn't know anyone when I first moved in, because no one from my high school went to school around here, which begins my problem. My roommate is nice, and we get along fine, but he has friends in the area and rarely spends time at school. It seemed from the beginning everyone bonded with their roommates and made friends through them. So I didn't make friends the first day. Once orientation started I went to the mixers and events and I met people and got lunch and exchanged numbers. But Ive never found anyone that I've started to consistently hang out with. And once the night comes, everyones off in their groups, and I end up alone in my dorm. Ive tried walking outside to the groups and introducing myself but it's awkward because they all know each other well, and end up talking to one another and I feel out of place, as though I'm intruding. Then I go on Facebook and see pictures of my friends from high school partying and talking about how much fun college is and depression starts to set in. </p>

<p>I feel like not having a roommate to hang out with at the beginning set me back socially and I can't catch up. Or I feel like there is just something I don't understand about social interaction and making friends. I really can't take this anymore, no matter how hard I try to step outside of my comfort zone and be social I end up back in my dorm alone.</p>

<p>I desperately want the college experience, and I've heard about how great college is supposed to be, but I can't seem to fix my situation. I'm hoping that once classes start things will start to get better but any help would be appreciated.</p>

<p>Hey don't worry so much. Sounds like just the beginning. Is there a residential advisor you can talk to? Join a club or organization soon to identify. When you meet someone say, hey my roommate is great but not around.nwhat are you guys doing? Can you say name of school?</p>

<p>Get over feeling awkward about breaking into groups / waiting for the perfect social situation.</p>

<p>Here's a few tips:</p>

<p>1.) If you meet someone, try to find something in common. Actively steer the conversation in that direction.
2.) Get contact information and invite them to do things. Ask them to bring their friends.
3.) Put yourself out there. It may feel awkward to you, but they're feeling just as awkward because they don't know you that well either. However, you have the power to tip the balance in that equation.</p>

<p>I've had a bit of the same situation - my roommate is perfectly nice but we don't really hang out, and I'm too quiet to really meet a lot of people on my own. My advice would just be to give it time - you'll meet people eventually through your classes and through clubs you join. I've been here for a week and a half and the first week was mostly miserable for me but it is getting better! I don't have a lot of friends yet but I'm starting to meet people and try to hang out with them and things are improving a lot, so hopefully they will for you too. :)</p>

<p>You're still in the first few days, so you're still doing okay. My roommate also already had friends, and I didn't know anyone going to the school, so I had to make a bigger effort to make friends and meet people, since I didn't have my roommate to back me up like a bunch of other people did.</p>

<p>Be a lot more outgoing this week. I know it feels like everyone already knows each other really well, but trust me: they really don't. It's only been a few days. Go out of your comfort zone. When you need to go eat, ask around to see if anyone wants to tag along with you for lunch. When other people go to eat or go out, ask if you can join them, even if you don't know them that well. You really have to go out of your comfort zone and push through the awkwardness. And you should do it now, because if anything, classes will separate people even more, not bring them together. </p>

<p>One of my very good friends was in your position, and didn't spend time outside his room much for the first couple weeks, and when he finally decided to come out, people had already made good friends, and they were a little wary of him, but after a while, people got used to him and started to like him. You've just got to deal with the awkward for a while. But you'll figure it out. :)</p>

<p>Thanks for the advice so far. I've definitely tried to be more outgoing. I'm constantly talking with people waiting before class or introducing myself to people in the library. Ive watched sports and played video games with people on my floor and exchanged numbers with people. But none of these seem to be materializing into friendships at all, as I rarely hang out with the same person twice. They all have groups and know people so they all always have plans and things to do at night. </p>

<p>Did you guys find that your close friends just happened over time? Im just worried that Im already too late in finding a group of people to do stuff with, as it is so much easier meeting new people when you have a friend to do it with. </p>

<p>Oh and Im at Northeastern.</p>

<p>Remember that friendships don't just fall into your lap after one or two hangout sessions and exchanging phone numbers. You can't just wait for them to "materialize." You have to actively pursue them. If they have plans, ask if you can join them. If they say no, then fine, go on and find someone else. Use those numbers you got and invite them to lunch. Ask if they want to go with you to check out a club. Bake cookies or something for your floor and hand them out (it's how one of my friends got people to talk to him).</p>

<p>Yes, friendships take time to develop. No, you're not too late. It's never too late. But you can't just hope friends appear. You have to work for it.</p>