Hello, I am new to college. I notice that most students, ages 18 to 26, relatively are anti-social. I visited about four campus clubs and most of the students in these clubs and in the college community in general do not like to talk or initiate conversation. I do not understand why people are so introverted and averse to communicating just to relate to each other. I am not a jerk or obnoxious. I left high school and left what few friends I had there in order to start this new chapter in my life. If you need context, feel free to ask questions. To be honest, I do not know what would be relevant to why these people are anti-social.
Have YOU tried to initiate conversations? I’m shy, but when I can make myself do that, it usually works out well. Ask the person questions about himself/herself. People love to talk about themselves. Then you can try to find something you have in common and go from there.
I did ask them questions and initiated every conversation. All of them were anti-social and not one of them wanted to contribute to the conversation even though they were not busy. I connected with zero out of about fifteen people from the people I initiated a conversation with (separately 15 people each day )and even the ones that somehow did not want to contribute to the conversation that happened to last a couple of hours had no interest in continuing a friendship.
@Oblitus I would suggest speaking to a counselor at your college. Something is going on, and I don’t think it lies solely with the other individuals.
Here is the thing: society has changed, drastically, in the way that young people communicate. Everything is done via mobile or tech devices. People don’t appear to have the need to communicate face to face and NOW they don’t know how.
Unfortunately, my profession will be growing because people do not know how to initiate conversations or how to maintain the topic and then, they can’t read body language.
I recently went to a restaurant with my family for lunch. Every family around us was on their phones, no conversations. What a difference when we went a week or so later, to an older Chinese food restaurant; patrons of every culture, yet, no phones! Lots of conversations going on, toddlers making happy noises, laughter, smiles. This could be happening in any restaurant, but it doesn’t. But I digress.
So, my suggestion would be that you find a volunteer organization, at your school, that performs/conducts social services: community clinics, food banks, clothing, sierra club/recycling etc. You’d be amazed how many people you meet and how you will find your tribe. That’s how my daughter found her friends. She volunteered at a low-cost diabetic clinic that serviced patients without insurance and who had volunteer medical staff from her university. Since she is bilingual, and had a biomedical program at her high school, she could take vitals and knew how to do labs. She found her tribe.
@“aunt bea” is so correct. Many kids like my son, don’t really have the skills to be social. The trick is to find a common interest. Congratulations to you at going to different clubs. Keep doing that. Go to stuff that interests you and is fun for you to do. Eventually once you meet these people a “few” times they should lighten up. He did this and now runs a club and presents twice a month to his group. He found what works for him. He joined a softball team. They have a great time since their really bad… But do you think they get together after games or on weekends… Nope… But they have fun when their together. But as @MaineLonghorn said… If nothing changes after seeing the same people a few times go talk to someone about it. They have tips and tricks to help you.
I have had special “help” that is greater than any college counselor could offer for over 5 years consecutively. I will admit that I have had multiple experiences that most others would not find pleasant or kind to the mental psyche of anyone. I am already aware that I am severely flawed, that is the reason why I asked for help. Unfortunately, not all people can grow through outside help.
Perhaps you have to reach out to them. If you are dealing with introverts, they probably need time to open up.
Joining a campus club or greek life can also help with making friends.
@Oblitus - since it’s been awhile since your post, I was wondering how it’s going now? Are you still lonely?