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<p>Sure, why not? Anyone who treats their adult child like a toddler, deserves this crack.
Once again, my issue is with the parenting style NOT the money. Why are focusing on the financial piece even though I’ve plainly stated my point? </p>
<p>I was raised in the kind of environment where many families operated on this level. You can helicopter with millions and without. Either way, you’re doing a disservice to your child, IMO.</p>
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Bay, I tend to agree with you on the merits in this particular discussion, but I will never give up my right to judge others, especially in an anonymous internet forum.</p>
<p>We are not as anonymous as we like to think.</p>
<p>I was not arguing that people must give up their right to judge others. What I meant was I don’t understand how people on this board can be so sure of themselves that college students who utilize the concierge services in the article will somehow be worse off in life than those who do not; that they will lack character or will be helpless for the rest of their lives. I think it is a huge stretch and comes across as sour grapes when they don’t even know the students or their families personally.</p>
<p>If you want to make a statement that people who never do anything for themselves will probably turn out differently than those who do, then I would agree with that. I just don’t see that being the case presented in the article.</p>
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<p>Sally, if you actually read what Bay wrote, you would see the issue was about appearing in court in Vermont at a later date. That could potentially be a long trip. Although we don’t know for sure what state he got the ticket in.</p>
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<p>Cleaning toilets is just a task that has to be done to keep a clean home. Whether one cleans the toilets themselves or pays someone to clean them has no bearing on their character.</p>
<p>I think the money is actually not the issue.</p>
<p>The issue is letting kids grow up and make their own way in the relatively safe testing ground that college represents vs facilitating/enabling kids not having to take on all the little life tasks that are part of being a grown up.</p>
<p>I think it hampers a young person’s development to always have the training wheels firmly attached and never have to truly fend for themselves and become self reliant, live with the consequences of their choices and be free of parental micro-managing.</p>
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<p>Thats great, but where do you see that scenario being presented in the article? We see either students problem-solving by contacting a concierge service to handle waiting for a plumber or helping finding a lawyer, or their parents contacting the concierge service to plan a party for their kids or buy them furniture. Big deal. I see neither parental micro-managing nor students not fending for themselves. You are making this into a bigger deal than it is, while at the same time not seeing any irony in the fact that your son pays nothing for his education or room and board, and he will never to have to furnish his room or prepare a meal on his dime or at all for the four years of college, but he is going to turn out just fine, right?</p>
<p>Can grownups use this service as well? I’m in! Not worrying about my development being hampered at this point.</p>
<p>Um, he furnished his apartment on his dime, he buys his food, pays for his transportation, works as a teaching assistant, buys his books from money he earned in a research fellowship, pays for his entertainment and if he parties he pays for that and arranges it himself. He doesn’t call jeeves. He doesn’t pay tuition and he doesn’t pay rent. He pays everything else. This means he doesn’t need money from me or FAFSA type aid. He has to have money for his daily expenses and he earns that. Again YOU are missing the point. No one is saying tuition/rm/board is the issue.</p>
<p>Equating “calling a lawyer” or “calling the concierge to wait for the plumber” as just as responsible and problem solving made me laugh out loud because it illustrates how very very different our values are…</p>
<p>And yeah, he is turning out great…he is becoming a labor organizer working for the rights of the working class and he writes articles and press releases for Occupy. As a result he is working as a dishwasher to support himself after graduation and to organize the workers for better pay and working conditions. My guess is he wouldn’t be your cup of tea.</p>
<p>-- And another thing…if he got a parking ticket he would be managing that himself. If he wants tickets he stands in line. He might have a scholarship but he doesn’t have an indentured servant.</p>
<p>Hypothetically, what would be the difference if I hired a wedding planner to help me plan my 21 yo’s wedding vs a party planner to plan my 21 yo’s bday party? </p>
<p>I think some of you are getting hung up on the word concierge and think it’s uppity.</p>
<p>You are right. Occupy is a colossal waste of productive time in my eyes.</p>
<p>LOL, neurotic parent! </p>
<p>Here’s a story for you: DS participated in a national internship program last summer that was very competitive and elite if you were from a large, wealthy state (from our state, not so much). When we moved in, one of his five roommates was there with his father, from the Upper East Side of NYC. We began to settle them in, hanging suits, making beds, etc., and the father said, “Well, I guess we’ll need to make your bed, not that I’ve ever made a bed, neither has your mother!” He proceeded to repeat a variation of this “Dear Son, I haven’t ever made a bed, nor has your mom” THREE times. He definitely needed a concierge! (They did a really bad job making the bed. ;)) </p>
<p>What struck me most was not the fact that he had never made a bed, but that he so desperately wanted everyone to know that he had never made a bed. Do you think part of the concierge business is the show of it?</p>
<p>I agree, the word “concierge” has an icky elitist connotation to it.</p>
<p>I think we all enable our kids in various ways. I still wake up my daughter for school most mornings and make her lunch if she asks me. But she is incredibly independent regarding more important things. She recently turned 16 and wanted a car more than anything–and insisted on having it BY her birthday. We told her we wouldn’t buy her one, both because we couldn’t afford to and because we didn’t think she needed her own when ours are generally available. So she took it upon herself to find a part-time job that fit with her school/dance schedule and earned enough money before her birthday to buy a decent vehicle. She researched various cars extensively, narrowed down her search to a particular model, found several on Craigslist that looked good and did more research after that (getting the VINs and using CarFax, etc.). She learned about timing belts and wheel bearings and other things to look out for in 11-year-old cars. Once she had found “the one,” we drove 150 miles to check out the car in person and take it to a mechanic she had lined up. She learned how to negotiate and how to be willing to walk away from a deal if it didn’t meet her needs, although in this case she was lucky and the car passed muster. She has been driving it to school, work and dance for a month, is a careful winter driver, and always remembers to park on the correct side of the street each night to meet our city’s alternate side parking regulations. She has never been more proud of herself and we are incredibly proud of her too.</p>
<p>Sally that is a fantastic story and a wonderful example. That car means a lot to her because she worked hard both earning the money and picking it out. It is really and truly hers.</p>
<p>I would be proud of her, too.</p>
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<p>Nevermind making a bed. Sounds like he needs a concierge to help him tell a joke!</p>
<p>Jamie and Sally, you will probably like this article. I do think worry over how to keep our kids from becoming spoiled brats may be something peculiar to Americans, in particular affluent Americans. Something deep in our culture celebrates the self-made, and fears that our kids will feel entitled and lose the satisfaction of achievement from whatever we may have achieved and handed down to them, merely by accident of birth.
I especially like the “4 Steps” </p>
<pre><code>Kids and Money: How Not to Raise a Spoiled Brat - CBS News
</code></pre>
<p>Confession time. My daughter, now 17, is about as sweet as a kid can be and not spoiled in the least. However, there was a time – when she was about 6 or so – that I realized that this was something to pay attention to. It was in the peak of my and my [now ex-]husband’s joint earnings, and, probably in an attempt to save our failing marriage, we were taking a lot of expensive vacations that included my daughter. (We are not wealthy by any means, but for a few years we were splurging.)</p>
<p>So, we had just returned from a vacation to Kauai, where we’d stayed at the Grand Hyatt. I overheard my sweet little first-grader, when asked about her vacation, say, “Well, it wasn’t the Four Seasons . . . .”</p>
<p>Oy vey.</p>
<p>P.S. She’s had plenty of corrective experiences at Holiday Inn Expresses and the like since then.</p>
<p>^^Out of the mouths of babes. I’ll bet she overheard someone in an elevator or something. :)</p>