<p>Mdmom: When we took what we fondly refer to as “College Tour 2010,” my daughter was feeling stressed and wanted to find appealing safety schools. I had hoped to go South to make it more of a vacation, but she had decided that she preferred the Northeast. We started with a few days in NYC and checked out NYU, and then headed to Uconn, Umass and Syracuse. The only school that ended up on the final list was NYU. By the summer, her test scores had improved, so she had different choices. It was helpful to see different types of schools in different locations, so it wasn’t a total loss. It confirmed my daugther’s desire to find a school in an exciting city.</p>
<p>I would recommend having you daughter look at her list, and chose the schools that interest her the most. If she has one or two top choices, then I would try to visit them this spring. Then you could add any that would work out logistically. Sometimes it works to fly to one place, rent a car, and then drive to another city and fly home from there. Friends of mine visited Vanderbilt and Wash U this way.</p>
<p>Even though most of the schools didn’t make her final list, we really enjoyed our spring break trip. It was the first trip my husband and I took with only D2, and it was really a nice chance for her to be the center of attention.</p>
<p>momjr: So glad you posted this. There are several schools that aren’t driving distance from home that I want to visit with DS. Wash Univ and Vanderbilt are two of them. I had no idea they were within driving distance. Just checked and I see it’s do-able. I went to college in the midwest but I guess my geography isn’t as good as I thought! Thanks so much!!!</p>
<p>^^ wow. I live in the Midwest and I didn’t know Nashville and St. Louis were so close (approx 5 hr drive). I had no idea Nashville was so far west!</p>
<p>mdmom - we did a spring break college trip with S1 - was easy geographically since most of his choices were in VA or NC. The problem that we ran into is that SO MANY schools have that same spring break week coinciding with Passover and Easter - it was really crowded. We had several situations (Duke was the absolute worst) where there was no parking and not enough seats in the info session. And the tour groups were very large. </p>
<p>So, which I know it is the logical time for many families to go - just bear in mind that the conditions are less than ideal.</p>
<p>Based on this experience with S1 - we are not doing a series of college visits for S2 over spring break - just going to Charleston for a few days of golf/relaxation and will see CofC - and that’s it.</p>
<p>Also - if you have a younger child - think twice before dragging them along - if they can stay with grandparents or other relatives - it might be better. We dragged S2 along for our 6 colleges in 5 day tour and he was really bored. I realized later that it was kind of a selfish thing to do as it was his spring break as well and other than swimming in the hotel pool - he didn’t have much fun with it.</p>
<p>If you do bring a younger sibling along - see if there is a fun activity for them near any of the colleges - a quick detour to an amusement park, etc., so they feel they are getting some attention paid to their needs as well.</p>
<p>My daughter is in grad school at Vanderbilt and when she’s trying to entice her friends to visit her she tells them that it’s only 300 miles from St. Louis and 250 miles from Atlanta. I’m just happy it has an airport with Southwest airlines because it’s a 13 hour drive from here!</p>
<p>Based on the suggestions above, I think we will base our visits on the schools she is most interested in. After finals, she will have to give me that list. As far as bringing D2, that is really up to her. DH probably won’t go since he has work obligations at that time. We had pretty much planned on it being me and the girls. I know that D1 wants her sister to go. I think D2 would enjoy it, she enjoys seeing new places. Plus, she is only 2 years younger, so I think she would get something out of it. I went with my older sister and I think I enjoyed the tours more than she did!</p>
<p>When we toured with S1 the summer before his junior year we did take S2 with us but H and S2 traveled for fun as S1 and I did the college tours. It wasn’t the best vacation ever for S2 but they did get to have some fun. It seemed better to do it that way because we didn’t expect S2 to have a shot at the schools S1 was looking at. Maybe it would have been motivational, but S2 didn’t want to go to the schools and H was content to vacation with him as we toured. It wasn’t our plan but we also drove from WashU to Vandy but we only had time to run into admissions and pick up information, H had to get back to work. We wished we had planned better.</p>
<p>D3 enjoyed tagging along on D2’s college tours, and I think it made her more astute when it came to her time to be asking questions etc. Personally, I took each of our kids on individual college tour/interview/audition road trips, and all of us have fond memories of those times.</p>
<p>mdmomfromli, when I said spralling I meant more a sense of spaciousness and scale. It just feels big and noe of the buildings are very tall. If you’ve ever visited UDel, think of it as being on an ipad map and taking your thumb and forefinger from pinched together to wide apart. Everything further apart, with several nice sized quads. Nevertheless, we did ask and were told that all the dorms are on the periphery of the main campus and getting to class was not a problem. Finding your building on the other hand might be a problem. Most of them looked alike to me. There is a very nice bus system too.</p>
<p>As for the Hillel meal, it was all cooked right there in the kitchen, which the Hillel web site says is kosher, but I didn’t get to peek inside and check for two sinks or other signs. The chili was definitely vegetarian and unlike the rest of the meal which was served on paper plates or styrofoam, served in ceramic bowls. The matzoh ball soup was looked the right color of yellow, but my D (who doesn’t keep kosher said it didnt taste “chicken-y”. On the otherhand, it was served in styrofoam bowls, so perhaps that was to preserve the kashrut of the plates. I kind of assumed the meal was kosher or that the Rabbi who I was sitting next to and chatting with would have said something. And why go to the point of grilled cheese and veg chili if not to keep it kosher? Still I might have missed an annoucement . Oh and I forgot to mention there were also brownies for desert, but I didn’t have those either. The challah was home baked and delicious.</p>
<p>As an update, D says she’s not sure yet if the school had enough Jewish-ness for her. By that I’m pretty sure she means, socially. To be honest, Long Island where we come from is a pretty unique place. She wants to get away from it, but still wants a certain level of comfort and familiarity and probably social and dating pool. Everyone was nice and welcoming and she liked them all, she said, but she wants to check it out some more and maybe even go back for another visit.</p>
<p>mhc48 - I liked your comment about your D wanting to get away from home - but still find a certain level of “comfort and familiarity.” I think that issue pops up a lot - kids want to go “away” - but they want “away” to be somewhat familiar at the same time. A bit of a conundrum perhaps - but I get what she is saying.</p>
<p>mdmom - I think S2 was ok with some of the trip - but he was only in 8th grade at the time - so most of it - particularly the info sessions - bored him immensely.</p>
<p>mdmomfromli, I would recommend the following:
Have your student visit a local school first, one that she does not particularly want to attend, perhaps on a day off from high school, just to see what it is like to visit a college - to see what a tour is like, what questions people ask, etc… This tour does not have to be with you! You can pick one that has public transportation, and your daughter could visit with a friend or even by herself. It’s great “practice”!</p>
<p>I would say that the most important schools to visit first are safety schools, because you want to make sure that your student really likes them and would be happy to attend.
Unfortunately, when we did this, my daughter hated the safety school that I thought would have been great (I still think the school is great). But - this was good to know! </p>
<p>On schlepping younger kids: by the time we got to her, our current high school senior, the youngest of four, was reluctant to tour at all. She said, “I HATE walking around colleges!” (She had only done two or three college tours but had visited the older kids at college with us and walked around many, many times.) I really had to force her to go on a tour. When she realized that it was for her, and that this was special time just with me and her, she enjoyed it. I would also HIGHLY recommend fitting in something fun and/or educational for your touring student, according to his or her interests. We have gone to a show, a museum, a ballgame, visited or met friends or relatives. This lessened “burnout” and made the trip more fun.</p>
<p>The most nerve-wracking thing about our tours was - letting the kids drive! Oy! We looked up which states allow people with learner’s permits from other states to drive (PA does not, but of course our kids’ permits were from PA - but all of you with other states’ permits - visit PA and you have an excuse to not let them drive!) and the kids got hours of experience. If you fly and get a rental car, you are spared this tension-filled experience.
Enjoy your planning!</p>
<p>levirm-had to laugh about the driving experience. At the very beginning of our road trip this summer I let D drive. Within 15 minutes she had almost killed us. I drove the rest of the 5 days. (perhaps that was her master plan so she could sleep???)</p>
<p>Absolutely I second the idea of visiting local schools, finding schools that resemble faraway schools they are considering. My D had seen several large and mid-sized publics before this whole thing started, so the first tour we went on was a local LAC so she could get the feel for one. It’s a school she likes, too, and did end up applying to. But it would have been valuable even if she hadn’t. She has 3 schools on her list now that she hasn’t visited - somehow we’ll fit them in spring break if needed - but she has a good sense of what they’re like because they resemble schools she has seen. I don’t want to sound jaded, but I agree with the 8th graders that there is an element where they are a lot alike. I think D realized this by her 6th-7th tour. She never cared about dorms or dining halls, just wanted to see where she’d spend her “real” time, and wanted a gut feeling from the place.</p>
<p>The most important advice I’d give about visiting is that a school you tour that your kid doesn’t like is NOT a failure in your plan. It is a very valuable part of the experience and will help you for the rest of the process. They have to learn what they don’t like. </p>
<p>I took D to an area she was choosing schools from last March. We toured 3, drove through 4 more and didn’t look at 4 others because she didn’t like that location after all. She is applying to 2 of them (one we toured and one we drove through). But what she learned about the ones she didn’t like taught us both a ton, and saved us from more wild goose chases.</p>
<p>We have already visited 4 schools, one is a safety that she would be very happy to go to. I am very much into exploring the area, so we usually do something other than just tour the campus. I want D to see more than the campus, the surrounding area matters. </p>
<p>Hopefully, D will have her license by the time we go on the spring break trip, so we won’t have to worry about learners permit issues. I think the trip may be some driving/flying. We wil have to see. D says next weekend she will go through the list.</p>
<p>Did anyone see the article in the Washington Post this morning that Towson is now entirely smoke free? You can’t smoke anywhere on campus, not even outside. $75 fine if caught. I think that’s great!</p>
<p>I agree about not being bothered by them not liking a school. Was a little surprised that D refuses to apply to the match school we had seen, but after listening to her reasons, they are very valid. She said she would rather go to a school with a lesser program then spend 4 years at that school. So we won’t put any other schools on our list that are like that school. It is all about fit. They really need to see themselves there. And not just in the moment, but could they spend 4 years there.</p>
<p>Mdmom: I think in your case it would be fine to bring D2 on the trip, as long as she is interested. We didn’t bring our younger daughter on the older ones’s visits, but she was still in middle school at the time and had NO interest. Once when we stopped to check out William and Mary on the way home from a gymnastics meet she refused to get out of the car. </p>
<p>Good luck to those of you whose kids have their leaner’s permits. I think that sitting in the passenger seat with a teen driver is one of parenthood’s worst experiences.</p>
<p>I agree w/ you momjr. I hated driving w/ S1 when he had his permit. I’m finally (pretty) comfortable w/ him driving and now S2 is turning 15 next month. He’ll take driver’s ed over the summer and then he’ll be driving me to and from school every day next year (ugh)</p>
<p>I still have that “stepping on the brake” reflex. I was a nervous wreck the first time I let my son drive us out of state (to a bar mitzvah) but lived to tell the tale. Truthfully, he’s a very competent driver.</p>
<p>OK, thoughtful and insightful posters, I have a story and then a question.
A couple of years ago, in my capacity as a very active volunteer in our diverse urban school district, I was asked to attend a workshop called “Courageous Conversations”. It was about race, and the purpose was to gain some insight into our formidable racial achievement gap.
We had presentations, activities, and discussions. Some discussions were with people in our own racial group, and some were in mixed groups. Right away, everyone in the room knew that I Jewish because I came out and said that this is my primary identity (not “white”). Most of the participants were professional employees of the school district.
During one of the mixed-group discussions, a couple of the African American participants described how, when they went to college, their parents or grandparents said, “Keep a low profile. Don’t make waves. Try to act like everyone else.” Apparently, they were concerned that the behavior of these students reflected on African-Americans as a whole, and they also were afraid of their students being singled out any more than they already were by virtue of their race.
I said that I had had the exact opposite message from my parents. They said, “Remember who you are. Be proud of it. Don’t assimilate too much.”
My question is this: as you were launched, what messages did your parents give you about your Jewish identity? What messages are you trying to give your kids before and during college and how are you delivering those messages?</p>