<p>Mdcissp: I’m so glad that the schools are willing to try to accomodate the need for a single. It sounds like that envelope has more good news from UMBC. I’m thrilled that your son has so many good choices. You worked really hard to make sure he would have them.</p>
<p>MHC: Every school will have pros and cons, and there usually isn’t just one perfect school. I agree with Emmybet and Choc that if you can, it’s best to let the kid pick the school that really excites them. </p>
<p>I live about 30 minutes from UMDCP, and know a lot of kids that attend. Most of them love it for all the reasons you mention. The only kids I’ve know that don’t love it were very intellectual types who had trouble finding their people. My nephew graduated a few years ago, and all of his friends found jobs in a tough market. It was too close to home for my daughters, but it is a great school.</p>
<p>MHC,</p>
<p>Your post was honest and elegant. LEe me first say that UMD is a great school. We saw it twice for d1. She loved the beautiful campus, the plethora of jewish kids, its proximity to DC, and the rah rah spirit. I think if my wife did not voice objection to frosh. connection, she might be there now. I got what she loved. Your daughter’s instincts might be right.</p>
<p>I believe you really liked Miami. Your thorough description lured me in. We are visiting this april. It is a good school. I expect to find a beautiful campus. I hope that D2 will like it. It is the right size for her. Having said that, I do not believe that more doors will open for her and your daughter if they go there or not. There are few life changing schools(the top 25 will get you interviews or admissions that others won’t). I think Emmybet has a great perspective.
I am sure that when the time comes, your daughter’s choice will be clear to her. It sounds like she will have great choices. Offer your opinions, and let her choose. Most kids make the right choice. It is our jewish parent nature to obsess for our kids. If we have done well as parents, they will chose what is right for them.</p>
<p>Good Luck</p>
<p>Socal: I really like what you said earlier about remembering that things work out. They do. I’ll even say that even when they don’t, they do. I know so many kids who have switched gears and started over and been through the wringer, even, but they learn so much and they find a way.</p>
<p>What you’ve said also shows that even when we’ve “been there” we feel just as strongly with our other kids that things go well for them as we did the first time. There’s no one answer, no way to “know how” to do this. Giving them support and helping them understand what they want and how they can get it is a start, though. </p>
<p>I had a high achiever and now a mixed achiever, and the road has been full of twists and turns for both of them. I will say that my mixed achiever knows an awful lot more about being disappointed, or having to fight for what you get, or never getting it no matter how hard you try, than my high achiever ever did. And the high achiever is lately saying things like, “I guess my time to struggle will come sooner or later.” She’s about to go on the job market, and while she’ll have a good “marketable” degree it’s going to be hard work getting started. </p>
<p>The most disappointed kids with the most problems that I know are the ones that tried to fit into a box that wasn’t right for them. An open mind and permission to take risks are great tools to avoid that.</p>
<p>emmybet:</p>
<p>MANY of us have over achieving firstborns and mixed achiever second children.</p>
<p>Question for you: How do you motivate a h.s. freshman who says "i just want to work with my hands, and I don’t like school. "</p>
<p>My older S is just like RVM’s…very motivated, very studious, you know, your D is at Tufts!</p>
<p>My freshman is very interested in mech. engineering/robotics. But is not interested in school! Never had this issue before! I keep telling him he needs to stay in h.s. in order to go to a college where he can “work with his hands”.</p>
<p>It seems to me that Mhc’s situation is also something she did not experience with the first two kids. Hopefully my S will also be a “late bloomer” like emmybet’s D. He has done well as a freshman, all A’s and B’s except a C in honors Bio, which, I’m told is difficult for any child that has a mechanical mind…</p>
<p>Which leads to me to ask another question of “B” kids…how many honors classes do they take? My S1 took all honors across the board. S2 takes 3 honors…in Math, Science and Spanish. For Sophomore year, we may stick to two: Math & Science only. What have some of you done?</p>
<p>D2 is a true “B” student; wasn’t even eligible to take an honors class until junior year (science) and had to “prove” herself to be placed in honors english for senior year…the only difference is that this is a rigorous private school where her “regular” classes were more difficult than my older daughter’s honors classes at her local public…</p>
<p>the question you pose is so “school specific” that it’s hard to get a gauge from other parents…</p>
<p>This is my story, at least.</p>
<p>My D2 is all into the arts. According to her, she “couldn’t” do math or science. She went ballistic as an 8th/9th grader whenever we referred to any letter grade. We had to ask ourselves - which is more important, that she figure out who she is and what she can do, or that she conform to our idea of what was successful? Of course the question answered itself. We had faith that she would figure out something great, because she was a great kid. So we didn’t talk about grades, just chatted with her about what she thought was working or not working, what could we do to help, what were her plans. </p>
<p>She did choose to challenge herself, and her grades reflect that. Every time she couldn’t take a higher level class she was bored and frustrated, so we know that taking “easier” classes wouldn’t have helped her. And I believe it when colleges say they’d rather see a B in a rigorous class than an A in a basic one.</p>
<p>She couldn’t click with FL at our HS, so her transcript is light on that (she went to Spanish 3 in 10th grade, never got better than a B). It also made room for the arts classes she wanted. I am sorry she dropped Spanish, but it will be what it will be - she can take language in college, and wants to. </p>
<p>She always figured she’d drop Math and/or Science senior year, but surprisingly has stuck with both. I think she got it over time that colleges would frown on lightening up too much, but she couldn’t have absorbed that as a freshman. Honestly I think she could have dropped one. It’s obvious they’re not her strengths nor her interest. </p>
<p>What we also did was let her take and do as much of the arts as she wanted. She had very nice opportunities in school, and also some great ones outside of school, in the summer, etc. I’d say if your son has an interest that he’s passionate about, let him explore it and celebrate it! He’ll learn so much about himself, and maybe he’ll stick with it and take it to places no one could imagine. </p>
<p>I am grateful that my D’s artsy interests are actually pretty practical at this point, but that isn’t why I support them. It’s just who she is. When she looked us in the eye and said “I’m not my sister” we had to listen. We didn’t think we’d even implied that she was, but for some reason, she needed to feel she had the latitude to find herself. I think that was important.</p>
<p>Anyone ever seen the movie October Sky? It’s kind of the reverse of some of these situations. “Why can’t you be a great football player like your brother?” “Why do you have to go to college?” It’s stunning to take a moment and check if you might have ever given the message that who they are isn’t good enough, however inadvertently.</p>
<p>Choc - I think your son sounds really neat! All the robotics kids I know are pretty cool. (PS I know a kid who turned down Tufts for Northeastern - a “B+” school - because of robotics.)</p>
<p>Emmybet</p>
<p>You make great points. My second one works twice as hard as my oldest. She has been frustrated and in tears when the best she can do is b’s. i never give her a hard time about grades. I know she is working her ass off. I tell her how proud I am, and by working this hard, she will have more choices for college. I actually think she will do better in life than my oldest daughter. Older one has hard time dealing when things don’t go her way. D2, as you said, has learned to be a survivor and fighter. She is my hero.</p>
<p>Choc chip</p>
<p>As for how many honors classes should they take…Hard to say. My B student is only taking one. That is all she can handle. She is taking regular college prep. That is what is best for her. Her 3.3 GPA is in regular classes. Let your son decide what is right for him. He will find his way both in and out of school</p>
<p>Thanks for your input rodney & emmybet:</p>
<p>my kids are at a very rigourous public h.s. that is known for sending kids to top colleges. So the fact that S2 is hanging in there with great grades so far as a freshman, is encouraging.</p>
<p>He will never be like his older brother, and I for one EMBRACE that difference! However, it is still challenging. </p>
<p>Emmybet: Is Northeastern still considered a B+ school, or is it now for A students? We have PLENTY of time, but will be looking at schools that are techy like RPI and WPI and also schools that offer more balanced curriculum’s possibly like Norheastern, if he likes it AND he can get in. Still way too early imo. Plus, I’ve heard they have an over abundance of applications each year…and it’s possible my s would not get much merit aid if he is at the bottom half of the class?</p>
<p>Thanks to you both for your support! :)</p>
<p>When my older D, now a college junior, was a HS freshman, the principal had something like this to say to us parents at Back to School night:
“We have been educating young women for a century, and so we have a lot of years of watching how our alumnae do as adults. We have seen very clearly that many of our most successful alumnae were students who had to work hard for a B or a C. They learned how to work for something, they learned discipline and time management and dedication. These are the skills that really matter in life. Students who get easy As don’t get those skills.”</p>
<p>She was trying to chill out the parents who insisted on straight As (yes, a number of immigrant Tiger Mothers in the audience). But the message is one we can all hear, even as our kids conclude their high school careers.</p>
<p>My D2 is mostly an A, A- student. But her struggle to get a C in math junior year was a great lesson learned. Life went on, she’s still going to get into good colleges, and building back up to a C after a couple of disastrous tests was a worthwhile experience.</p>
<p>Three cheers for the “normal smart” kids!</p>
<p>Thanks to you too SoCaldad!</p>
<p>S2 does well, but has no motivation to do anything “extra”. I have to get used to this. S1 always did extra everything. I KNOW they are two different kids, but I got used to seeing S1. It’s hard to watch S2…that’s another reason I am looking forward to S1 starting college in the Fall…S2 and I will have lots of bonding and I’ll get to know him much more without S1 monopolizing the attention.</p>
<p>We are signing him up right now to get involved with a robotics team at a neighboring h.s. since ours doesn’t offer one. He is definitely finding his own passions, which we are encouraging. His uncle is also an engineer and is good with his hands…can build anything, carpentry, room additions, etc. BUT has an engineering degree from college, something my S2 will hopefully become to understand it’s importance. :)</p>
<p>researching…good sage advice! :)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is perfect. Thanks for posting it, researching4emb. We lost sight of it on CC, but not on this thread.</p>
<p>Learning how to study is critical, and if you skate through high school, what have you learned for the future? We pretty much read DD the riot act before sending her off to an OOS public. If the grades weren’t up to par, she’d be back here in a NY minute. Now that it actually matters to her, she learned how to study. She called on her friends from home and they helped her by skype (although not sure how her friend at Catholic Univ helped her study Hebrew; she must have shared study techniques!). </p>
<p>With all the standardized testing from grade school and up, does anyone ever really teach them how to study?</p>
<p>choc: I think that Northeastern is a good bet for B+ students. You can look at the stats thread for this year’s EA acceptances to get an idea of what it takes to get merit aide.</p>
<p>Socal: It’s really nice to hear a parent applaud his daughter’s effort to pull B’s. Your daughter is very lucky to have you in her corner.</p>
<p>^Thanks for that suggestion, momjr. I’ll have plenty of time next year to focus on S2 and future college choices. Will look at Northeastern stats…also good to know they have an EA option.</p>
<p>This is where people that have naviance have a definite advantage!</p>
<p>Linymom: Also good to hear your D has improved her study habits. What will she look to major in?</p>
<p>Are y’all meaning Northeastern in Boston? I know nothing about the school, but here’s the link to the common data set for the last several years. </p>
<p>[Office</a> of University Planning and Research > Common Data Set](<a href=“http://www.northeastern.edu/oir/common.html]Office”>http://www.northeastern.edu/oir/common.html)</p>
<p>Based on test scores I’d guess A to A- on average, but that’s pure speculation. Looks like lots of applicants, but lots of spaces too.</p>
1 Like
<p>I am the faculty advisor for the Hillel at this school in Conway SC. Please feel free to contact me if you want to chat about Jewish campus life at CCU. </p>
<p>Rabbi Deborah Slavitt
Instructor, Religious Studies and Latin
CCU</p>
<p>I’m not sure I’ve caught all of the discussion over the past three days but Mdcissp, after watching how meticulously you have been exploring options for your S, I am so happy to hear about all of his success! Kudos to both of you!</p>
<p>On finding the right school: As was said above I agree there isn’t one school that will make the difference for a student but I do think that the degree of success a student has will be influenced by which school he goes to. I don’t mean this in terms of the school’s rank but more the elusive fit. After lots of talking with my S1, the top of the class student, it became clear that for him to do his best he needed an envionment where he could be participatory in classes and where he wasn’t going to worry about coming accross as an annoying nerd. Hence a small LAC with like minded students seemed to be the way to go for him. I’m sure he would have done fine at a large school but he sold the small one to us by coveying that he would be happier, more comforable and maybe learn better. So far so good. S2 is a good student but very irratic, and has to work much harder to do well. He seems bord by the concept of a small school. He wants to be around lots of new people a rah rah enviornment and isn’t all that worried about being heard in the classroom or phased about being lost in a crowd. I guess time will tell if he ends up in a large school and if it is right for him but for the moment it seems that is the way he is going. Its odd, with S1 I was really pushing the large state flagship, for S2 I wonder if he’s not missing out by not exploring the smaller options. I guess as parents we are always wondering if we are getting it right. I know I am. At least where I am right now, it seems that large or small has more to do with the nature of the student and the school and less to do with whether they are an A or B or whatever student. With S1 I followed his lead and with S2 I’m trying to do the same. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.</p>
<p>chocchipcookie, If you are looking for a techie school for a B student, we did a lot of that for my son who is graduating this year. My son loves technology and does well in Computer classes and has taken all of the programming and web design classes our HS offers plus a College class at a PSU satellite campus. However, he does not love math and his math and science grades went up and down a lot. He also has trouble with the big tests - mid terms and finals. He is a key member of his schools Robotics team. Interestingly he does well in English and Social Studies and is always in honors or AP classes for them.</p>
<p>Schools where he’s been accepted are Drexel, Hartwick, Florida Tech, Saint Michaels and Wentworth Institute of Technology. He’s waiting on Champlain (VT), RIT and Marist. He was deferred at WPI.</p>
<p>Wow - so thrilled the Rabbi is willing to provide info to our thread. I have e-mailed her and will report back once I hear from her.</p>