<p>Hi Spectrum–here is a cyber-hug for you ! I don’t have a lot of experience with my kids in long term serious relationships, but they have had few break-ups. It’s so hard to see our children hurting from this, and most of us have been in their shoes at some point as well. I agree with being available if they want to talk and letting them know they are very much loved at home. With dating issues in general, I don’t give them TMI but have shared how I felt in a similar situation- like remembering a break up that hurt, or a guy in college I liked who didn’t like me ( and vice versa) so they don’t think they are the only ones who have gone through this (but neither do I give too much advice- they need to figure out their feelings themselves) . I also remind them that they are very normal to feel that way, it seems to be so much a part of life- taking that risk to care about someone else. I tell them to not disregard their feelings but to not be isolated and urge them to get back in their lives- see friends, stay active, and talk to someone- the counseling center at school if needed. Assure them that as hard as it seems now, it will get better. Keep an eye out for this lasting too long- possible depression.</p>
<p>Spectrum: I’m sorry to hear about the painful breakup. It’s so hard to see our kids in pain. It was easier when they were little and we could put them on our lap and give them a big hug. </p>
<p>Unfortuately, there’s not a whole lot you can do except listen and let him know that you love him and know that he’s stong enough to get through this. I’d probably also send a care package with a special treat to try to cheer him up. Hugs to you.</p>
<p>Spectrum,</p>
<p>Off the topic, but the pain of a break up is universal, so I offer this & hope it helps…</p>
<p>Your son reached out to you…that’s a step in the right direction! He trusts your love and guidance. </p>
<p>Don’t “dis the ex” when speaking to your son.</p>
<p>Tell him, it’s OK to mull over the reasons for the break up. It’s healthy & helpful for his future relationships to understand what went wrong and to know himself - his wants & needs, their/his possible missteps, his strengths. (But as Pennylane said, be on the lookout for an extended length of depression, obsession, or rage.) Writing down his feelings could help work through the grieving process.</p>
<p>Once ready, perhaps he should erase the memories-remove the “happy couple” photos from the mirror, delete “our song”, dump the teddy bear anniversary gift. Memory reminders serve as torture.</p>
<p>Encourage him to find a friend he can talk to - a supportive friend is the best therapy there is; encourage him to “get out there”, get active, get involved! Try doing small, but new things at first: Walk a different route to class, listen to jazz, try a chai instead of a latte. It’s a small way to start creating a new life without the ex.</p>
<p>This is a new beginning for your boy…in time, he will bounce back and embrace it. You know this now, and he will, too, soon.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>
<p>spectrum2 - I completely understand your concern. Our kid’s pain is our pain. I think the most important thing you can do, is let S know that you recognize how he is feeling. He should not feel that you don’t think this is important just because he is “young” or “there will be many more girlfriends”, etc… This is real pain. I think what he needs is a listening ear. I know it’s cliche, but time heals pain. I guess the key for now is to stay busy, academics, sports, or whatever he is interested in. </p>
<p>Don’t worry about going “off-topic”, that’s what we’re here for!</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for the support. It is really appreciated. Momjr, yes it was easier when they were little. This is particularly hard because he is quite a distance away. BTW I’m all over the care package, I’ve been accumulating goodies and will probably get it in the mail tomorrow. Champs you are right, his pain is ours and we just wish we could wipe it away.</p>
<p>College4three: I have been telling him to call anytime. But its not very likely to happen. I didn’t learn about this until a full week after it happened. But I’ve never suggested it in terms of 24/7 cyberhugs, I like that. I’ve sent quite a few text hugs. And he seems to really understand my concern and has been very accepting of my efforts to communicate a couple of times a day, sometimes he even seems to appreciate it. He’s always polite but has really liked his space since he’s been away so I’m glad he is accommodating my worry.</p>
<p>Pennylane: Thanks for the cyber hug :). When we finally really speak I will relate some personal experiences, but as you say not TMI .</p>
<p>LuvMom:Thank you for that list, a lot of good thoughts there. Unfortunately he didn’t really reach out to us, we found out in our routine call a week later. He did, however reach out to at least one best friend from home and I know that support was extremely valuble. I have been in contact daily via text since gettng the news. We haven’t really talked. By the time I found out he had accumulated several assignments very close to the due date and was more or less working round the clock to get caught up. We have planned to cyber visit once all the due dates have been met. I am really proud of him for staying focused, a little worried that the pain may take over once there is a break in the schoolwork demands.</p>
<p>This is the kind of thing you don’t really think about when weighing small vs large school. They go to a small LAC. Everyone knows everyone, everyone goes to many of the same school activities, they have the same circle of friends, live in the same dorm and are even in a class together. They have been together since freshman year. Now is the time that all of that pressure is mounting regarding the next step in life, school, work or whatever. It is a tough time to be cut down. (Although chances are there is never a good time.) It sounds like he is staying strong and I’m looking forward to finally speaking with him. </p>
<p>Once again I really appreciate all of the love.</p>
<p>spectrum2 - nothing specific to add - just my sympathy. When our kids hurt - we hurt.</p>
<p>Interesting article re issues/challenges at the national Hillel organization:</p>
<p>[The</a> Jewish Week | Connecting the World to Jewish News, Culture, and Opinion](<a href=“http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new-york-news/hillel-head-steps-down-questions-mount-campus-organization]The”>http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new-york-news/hillel-head-steps-down-questions-mount-campus-organization)</p>
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<p>Spectrum, I just wanted to add my sympathies. I think the hardest thing about being far away is having difficulty judging whether there is a crisis or if things are moving on. Having a break up at a small school could be beneficial, as people will know and may support your S, in reaching out or just watching out for him. You have gotten some great advice here. I am going to store it away, in case I ever need it!</p>
<p>phillyartmom: You hit precisely on my concern. I know these things can be devastating. We are doing out best to try and get a feel for his vibe, but this is difficult to do via text. I agree, some excellent advice. I will look it over before we skype.
Thank you all, what and amazing group!</p>
<p>Rockvillemom: I read that too. I wonder how it will impact Hillel on campus. It also made me wonder if there were other reasons, perhaps personal ones, ( that nobody needs to know) for the resignation since the reason is not that clear.</p>
<p>wow I had to search for this thread on page 4…</p>
<p>so I just wanted to report that my D2 is very happy so far at Drexel! She’s liking her classes, making friends, joining clubs, exploring the city… everything I could have hoped for!</p>
<p>Next weekend headed out to Pittsburgh for family weekend- to enjoy a great dinner with D1, football game and mother-daughter sorority brunch. Excited!</p>
<p>Here is an interesting tidbit I garnered from talking with my sons at school in DC the other night–Our conversation came up in the context that one of my sons was talking about getting together with one of his friends from high school who is attending Indiana University, and doing a Washington Semester. His friend is in a Jewish fraternity at IU and somewhat involved in Hillel there.</p>
<p>They find that the Jewish experience in DC is rather unique because it is not limited to their own campus. A lot of the Jewish students in DC participate in Jewish experiences that are open to everyone in the DC area, for example, going to Friday night services at the 6th and I congregation or at WHC or the Minyan, or going to an event for organizations such as Gather the Jews (mostly older/grad students), or becoming involved in various organizations such as AIPAC, etc., instead of limiting their Jewish experience to Hillel or Jewish greek organizations.</p>
<p>So they have a lot of Jewish friends and connections from much more than their own campus, and a growing network of contacts as well. It seems to work for them both socially and professionally.</p>
<p>The boys had been comparing/contrasting–they felt that the DC Jewish student scene was maybe less homey but more diverse and that someone can find a way to find something that fits what they are seeking Jewishly even if the campus Hillel is not their people. On the other hand, you don’t necessarily get the family feeling of seeing familiar faces for every Shabbat dinner.</p>
<p>DD got her class rank, and it was disappointing. The good news is that she is a NMSF. She’s applying ED to Wellesley, which is a reach but they say rank is not as important as test scores and grades. She loved it on our visit, and had a great interview last week. I am hoping the net price calculator is accurate. They have a reputation for generosity.</p>
<p>Her safety school at this point is The University of Houston Honor’s College. It would be free because of the NM. The other schools on the list are Barnard, Bryn Mawr, GW, American, Pitt, Emory, USC and, of course, UT. She refuses to put more safety schools on to the list; easier to get in, good money, and good academics in an urban or suburban area are hard to find.</p>
<p>This is a long post,but i wanted to say that there’s a very disturbing and depressing thread going on about sexual assault at Amherst. I showed the article it links to DD, and she told me she’s had self-defense classes from former IDF officers at her camp. It made me feel much better about her going to college far away.</p>
<p>Congratulations HouTx. NMSF awesome!!! I expect that that NMSF and strong SAT scores will hold much more weight than class rank even in Texas schools. Of course with the possible exception of UT Austin but I bet she has a strong chance even there. The only thing about not applying to more safeties is the question of how she feels about going to U of Houston. If she is fine with being that close to home and would be happy going there then there really isn’t a need for another safety. If she has any reservations then especially with the NMSF it would be good to pick maybe one more. I only say that because I have had the experience of my older son changing his mind about his safety. One school that could be a safety and maybe fits the other criteria that you mentioned would be the ASU Barrett Honors program, but I expect that you will be getting lots of mail that will show many other sure thing options.</p>
<p>Visited American last night for the Hillel Family Shabbat. They had a very big turnout, including the President of AU and his wife. (She is Jewish, and although he is not, they raised their children Jewish and have been members of Washington Hebrew for 35 years.) He made some very nice remarks to the parents at the dinner after services. He also mentioned that the Kay Spiritual Life Center (the interfaith chapel building) was donated by a Jewish donor, whose son has continued to be very generous and just made a very large donation to fund renovations (recently completed) and to endow upkeep.</p>
<p>I was impressed with the energetic young man who is the Hillel director. There also seems to be a strong core of student leaders, with a lot of crossover between the Hillel (religious) and JSA (social). </p>
<p>President Kerwin mentioned that he is proud that AU is a “destination” for Jewish students. And noted that the Jewish students are among the most active, involved, and visible on campus.</p>
<p>Also, the food wasn’t too bad.</p>
<p>HouTxMom: Do you know pizzagirl here on CC? She’s not on this thread but is very active elsewhere. Her DD is a soph at Wellesley, if you need any info, My brother lives in Wellesley. Beautiful town. If you’re a Wellesley resident and get accepted, you can go for free. That’s what my brother is hoping for… but I don’t see any way his DD will be staying in the neighborhood! She’s only a HS freshman now…</p>
<p>DeskPotato: You’re making me wish we considered AU more! It was down to AU and UD at the end… and AU was just so expensive… I couldn’t see going that route… Anyway, it sounds like you had a great visit!</p>
<p>It’s that time of year again. Most student health centers offer either the intranasal or the injectable flu immunization. Last year we had an exceptionally mild flu season, but most years are worse. Remind your daughters and sons that influenza is not just a bad cold: it is much worse and can cost them a week or more of work. Of course it can also be fatal, but young people tend not to respond to that type of warning.</p>
<p>You may need to tell them that their friends are wrong who tell them that the vaccine can cause the flu: a little achiness in some people but not the flu. </p>
<p>It may not be 100% effective. Each year some highly trained scientists try to predict the strains of influenza most likely to spread throughout the world. Sometimes they miss the mark completely; sometimes they are spot on; sometimes they are close enough that the vaccine provides some if not complete protection.</p>
<p>Crowded dining and living conditions, stress, and lack of sleep, e.g. college, provide an ideal environment for the spread of communicable disease.</p>
<p>I’ll kick things off by starting my annual harangue to my son in England to get his flu shot.
My daughter, who is so afraid of needles that she needs a companion to hold her hand, will get hers because she knows she is supposed to.</p>
<p>Thank you for that timely reminder. Having the flu is never fun, having it while away at college is really miserable. I’m texting S2 his flu shot reminder right now.</p>
<p>Thanks from me too Irishdoctor. S2 told me that he got his already, without me even telling me to. Pretty impressive huh? I just called S1 and reminded him.</p>
<p>DS just got his first acceptance!</p>
<p>University of Tampa, Honors Program, $14k/year Presidential Scholarship</p>
<p>That’s the way the safety is supposed to work :)</p>
<p>YAY!!</p>