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<p>Rockvillemom:
The above is only a small sampling of your replies in this thread.
I’ve commented before on the concern for being overly involved. You defended your actions. Be careful. I’m sure you will get what you want. However there’s frequently a big price to be paid in the end for this level of involvement. </p>
<p>If you stand back and think about the “end product” you’re trying to produce, would you still do the same thing?</p>
<p>jpm50, I think you’re being harsh and unfair! Rockvillemom is just “thinking out loud” on the internet. I"m sure most families go through the same winnowing process, but perhaps do it themselves on paper at home! Would you suggest that Rockvillemom instead just have her S apply to a thousand schools?</p>
<p>I went through and developed a list of schools for my kids to look at. It was never meant to be “this is where you’re going,” but “these are schools that sound like potentially good fits, now you look at them and see what you think.” Every family has their own method for doing this. </p>
<p>Anyway, Rockvillemom has repeatedly said that her son is involved and interested in her doing this online!</p>
<p>Rockville Mom made it clear that she includes her son in the college search process. She is starting early to be sure that there are good choices that meet her son’s criteria for good fit.
I don’t think she is overly involved. It is a time consuming process to figure out where her son fits socially, academically, and interests (sports, Hillel, location, etc.). </p>
<p>I spent many hours trying to figure out where the best fit was for S1. He is now in the best possible fit program and loves his school. I hope I can find the same for S2. It is much more difficult to find appropriate schools to apply to given the current bad economy and financial considerations, and the individual profile involved.</p>
<p>In our case-thanks to all for your support. We are still at a loss to figure out the “safety” list.
Towson is now top choice. I would like Salisbury to be in the back up plan, but there is really nothing there for Jewish kids. We are thinking of adding SUNY Binghamton as the back up school.</p>
<p>Hofstra: At closer look of the major, Actuary Science has so many required difficullt courses, more than required at Salisbury, plus the added cost ($40k vs. $18K at Towson), that we decided not to pursue Hofstra.</p>
<p>Comments about choosing a major: My son is the one who said he was interested in Actuary Science or Accounting. I have suggested other majors (Physical Therapy, Nutrition,Culinary School,) but he is not interested.</p>
<p>I don’t follow this thread “religiously” so forgive me if this school has been mentioned already.Aside from being a really good school, especially in the sciences, it has an excellent disabled student service center and the cody center (asperger’s specialists) are also involved. In addition, big hillel presence.:SUNY Stony Brook</p>
<p>jpm50 - I think I defended myself adequately the other day - what remains unclear? You have to remember - I have done this before - my older son is very happy and very independent at his university. He is already back at school - and having a great time. My biggest regret with S1 is that I did not do MORE research, not less, because I think now that there were a few other schools he should have considered and I think we may have missed a merit scholarship opportunity at Michigan. But, water under the bridge because he is very pleased where he is.</p>
<p>S2 is HAPPY with the schools I have “previewed” for him. He has enjoyed our visits so far. If we visit a school and he does not like it - that will be his call. If he wants to add University of Maryland or some other school I’m not crazy about - we certainly will visit it and he certainly can apply.</p>
<p>The “end product” I want to produce are sons who enjoy their college experience, get a good education, graduate in 4 years and move on to the next stage of their lives - whether that is employment or grad school. Based on the wonderful experience and grades S1 had freshman year, all I can say is “so far, so good.”</p>
<p>My two sons do well in school, have great friends, do volunteer work in the community, are polite, respectful and helpful around the house, and have never been in any real trouble. I am actually a very liberal parent compared to some of my sons’ friends parents - I believe in giving them increasing amounts of decision-making every year - so that they have experience in thinking for themselves and making good decisions. I don’t have a lot of hard and fast rules for S2 - no curfew - no strict movie rating rule, etc. If an iffy situation comes up - we discuss it and then, as long as it’s not a safety issue - he makes the call. If he decides to go out Sunday night instead of studying for a test the next day, I may be biting my tongue - but he will have to live with the consequences.</p>
<p>I actually think I’m doing a pretty good job with my sons. And while I post with the pronoun"I" since I am the one who is writing - I assure you and anyone else who is concerned that my wonderful husband is completely in the loop and is very happy to let me handle this project. If you want to worry about someone - pick another family - we’re good.</p>
<p>^ rockvillemom - lol and cheering you on - well said…</p>
<p>Again, I don’t follow this thread that closely but I go on CC from time to time to learn from all of you, not to judge you or to feel judged. Rockvillemom is incredibly knowledgeable. We can learn from her experiences or not. But, in the end, keep your opinions ABOUT her to yourself.</p>
<p>^ Vitrac… </p>
<p>Lot’s of us step over lines here once and awhile, it’s not a horrible thing - it’s just a woops. I’ve done it, you likely have or will. </p>
<p>No need to tell others to keep their opinions to themselves (unless they are purposefully meant to hurt), it’s just an opinion and I think Rockvillemom did an admirable job expressing herself…</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice! : )</p>
<p>so difficult to “read” others intentions and motivations on line…there are many of us on this thread who have been going through this for awhile now…together…and even though we don’t know each other “face to face”, given all of our joint posts, we kind of know that we are looking for very similar things for our kids…(and we have even adopted ncmentor into the group even if he doesn’t want to be a member; but has been so immensly helpful at all times)…</p>
<p>jpm: not sure you know where rm is coming from or what experience she brings to this table; she cannot reveal that to you for certain reasons, but please understand that if she says her son is involved in this process, she means it…and if you can’t understand why we ,as parents, feel that we need to discuss this process in detail that is your opinion…you don’t need to join us; that’s what is great about online “acquaintances”; if you don’t want to participate, you don’t have to and we won’t be offended…you are entitiled to your opinion (as is everyone) though…but please don’t attempt to dictate what you think other people’s motives are who you don’t know…</p>
<p>Thanks for graciously listening - but as always it’s just my opinion… :)</p>
<p>Thank you to those of you who have come to my defense - but it’s fine. I have read some of jpm50’s other posts and I know he is a strong advocate for allowing teens to be independent and find their own way - which I generally agree with. Actually, mythmom brought this issue up way back in post #78 - and I clarified then that while I post using the pronoun “I” - everything is done in conjunction with S2 and DH.</p>
<p>Here’s a recent example. We - the 3 of us - decided to visit Susquehanna, Muhlenberg and Elon this fall. S2 has a very strong preference to only visit colleges over 3-day weekends or longer breaks so that he has adequate time to do homework, socialize and “chil-ax”. I just realized that the 3-day weekend I thought would work for Muhlenberg won’t work as the school is closed for their fall break. I asked S2 if he would reconsider and agree to take a day trip to Muhlenberg on any other Saturday this fall - and he said “no”. So, Muhlenberg will have to wait until the spring. And that’s just fine - it’s one of the benefits of starting this process early - we have plenty of time remaining to visit more schools this coming spring and fall of senior year.</p>
<p>I simply enjoy reading about college-related topics and researching colleges. If I went to DH or S2 every time I had a college-related thought or found an interesting college-related article - they would strangle me. This is just a harmless/fun outlet for me - and if I can pass along a good tidbit that helps someone else - even better. I learn a lot from posters on CC and I feel I have made some good friends - even if we have never met. And I assure any of you that are concerned for S2’s well-being - he has a voice and knows how to use it. :)</p>
<p>rm: better check Elon then as well; I think fall break is the same weekend as Muhlenberg this year…</p>
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<p>I’m with you, rockvillemom. In fact, I wish I had found CC (and I wish this thread was in process) when my D was a HS sophomore so I’d have some like-minded people to share thoughts with. I kept asking our GC what else we should be looking at it and she kept mentioned the same handful of schools (some were too small and some had no Jews). She was not helpful. (And I got lambasted on another thread when I was critical of the lack of help from the GC.)</p>
<p>Getting ideas from all of you about schools for the Jewish B student would have been helpful earlier in the process. I like the back and forth and the various insights and experiences.</p>
<p>In a perfect world, my kids would research colleges on their own, but as wonderful as my kids are (!), this didn’t happen the first time around.</p>
<p>FWIW, I like reading the Parents Forum because there are so many of you who are simply more knowledgeable than me. If someone gets even one good suggestion about a college to consider, then this “conversation” has been valuable indeed. Guidance counselors are overworked and do not always have the ability to make the most thorough and comprehensive suggestions to our kids. That leaves the family to do a lot of legwork. I think it is impractical to assume that 17 year olds will be inclined to research exhaustively the way parents might. Also, financial considerations are not as salient to them as to us (not in all cases, I know). These kids have so much more on their plates than we did at their age. I don’t think it is overstepping to look for more information on a site like CC and pass it along to our kids. I don’t think it is over-involved, helicoptering, or whatever.
There is also the fact that our kids may have some idealized visions of where they want to go to college but may not include practical considerations like travel, Jewish life, etc.
CC is a place where we can “talk” freely while maintaining the privacy our kids deserve in this regard. So thank you Rockvillemom for posting and giving us your impressions. I’m listening and learning.</p>
<p>When I was in HS, I planned to do it all myself. Not only was I that kind of kid, but my parents started a divorce the spring of my junior year, and while they were OK through the process, it was a distraction, to say the least. I took the car and visited friends (and friends of friends) at schools I was interested in. I was also the 4th kid in my family (including a foster child) who went through this process, so everyone was very used to it.</p>
<p>When I was deferred ED from what I realized was NOT my first choice school, not even close to what I thought I wanted, I was at a complete loss. In December of my senior year, my GC and my mom both simultaneously smacked their foreheads and directed me toward a school I’d never heard of that was perfect for me. I remember being handed a brochure and sent to a room to read it. I came back relieved, grateful, and determined. I applied and was accepted in rolling admissions, and my mom arranged a trip 1000 miles away to visit it, and that’s the end of my story (and the beginning!).</p>
<p>I owe a lot to a lot of people - no matter how incredibly independent I was, I couldn’t know everything about every option. My philosophy with my own kids is that I put some things on the table, and they do the thinking and choosing. My D1 is at a school that my friend’s mother suggested, that I might never have thought of for her. D2 is benefiting from CC, and really appreciates the info I find for her, but she knows she’ll make her own - INFORMED - decision.</p>
<p>^ Rodney - (and we have even adopted ncmentor into the group even if he doesn’t want to be a member; but has been so immensly helpful at all times)…</p>
<p>“even if he doesn’t want to be a member” - LOL - Did I miss the initiation or something ???</p>
<p>And on the other subject - I’m not often tempted to defend rockvillemom, she is by all accounts able to express herself with the sharp wit of clarity that I could only attempt to emulate -</p>
<p>To get back to the task at hand. North Carolina State as an OOS B Jewish Student? Any thoughts?</p>
<p>CH, NC State seems to be surprisingly off the Northeast radar compared to the other ACC schools–even Clemson gets more attention–and other schools in the Carolinas–much smaller Elon, C of C and Highpoint get much more attention. It certainly has big time sports. I would check whether the NC State website has Hillel information.</p>
<p>Regarding kids’ involvement vs. parents involvement, ideally we would all want our kids very involved, just as we would want them all to prepare for SATs, not text too much and go to bed on time without prompting.</p>
<p>Every family has their own dynamic. In particular, there are many kids who, left on their ownin the college search, will be heedless of cost, ease of travel, difficulty of admission, etc. Others will diligently gather informaiton about sports teams, or what is popular among their peers, or warm weather, but not academics.</p>
<p>I respect everyone’s perspective on this issue and the pain of parents feeling obligated to suggest to their kids that they will not make the Ivy League; or cannot afford private colleges; or would be better off at a small school than the flagships they have cheered for since birth; or should not pick a college based on proximity to a boyfriend/girlfriend; or should consider whether the Hillel is large enough.</p>
<p>I also appreciate the pain of parents whose kids have are simply not great, or even very good students, and whose friends and neighbors seek to find out about other kids’ SAT scores with more fervor (and success) than the CIA seeks to find out where Bin Laden is.</p>
<p>This is a very supportive and helpful group of parents, which is more than many would say about their high school’s parents, so all of us will likely vent or talk out loud while typing periodically–or ramble, as I am doing now.</p>