My father was fond of using the phrase “she’d be safe on an army base” when he saw a woman who was…less than attractive.
Lol, jym!
(Crossing into the gross out territory). 
Courtesy of my father, who was a B17 pilot during WW II: “Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.” It was used literally at the time, but now we also use it metaphorically.
Also, “not my circus, not my monkeys.” That one is not from my Dad.
“Stepping on the same rake” as in “failing to learn from prior mistakes” or “repeating the same dumb thing.”
Urban Dictionary now has “step on a rake” with a slightly different meaning:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=step%20on%20a%20rake
Fall down the Urban Dictionary hole and you’ll never resurface…
My grandmother used to say, “I wouldn’t trade you in for a brass monkey.” This was praise, by the way.
A bit more on the nuance of “bless your heart.” When directly addressed to a person who has had some calamity, it is an expression of empathy, and means something like “you poor thing.” It can be a bit condescending.
When used about a person who isn’t present, it can have a more snarky meaning. I’d say it usually means the same as “he just doesn’t know any better,” which is also used in the same context. “That boy wore a t-shirt to church. I suppose he just doesn’t know any better.”
Also, it’s always “rode hard and put away wet,” never “ridden.” I don’t see it as derogatory as others, and don’t think it has anything to do with women. I think it means that somebody has had a difficult experience and is messed up physically as a result. “You look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet. What happened?” “I was carrying Mama to the grocery store and the truck broke down. It took the tow truck an hour to get there.”
Another Southern thing: somebody mentioned “put up” as in, “You children put up those toys, now.” It can also mean to can or preserve, as in “Aunt Thelma put up fifty pounds of tomatoes last year.”
One that I’ve noticed, and I think comes from the Midwest, is the construction like “needs fixed,” as in “That lawnmower needs fixed.” To me, there is a “to be” missing in there, but I’ve heard this from a number of people.
This is not political–last night Joe Biden used the term malarchy. Saying " xxxx was a bunch of malarchy." My Dad always used that phrase to mean something was a bunch of bull. Dictionary says malarchy means foolish talk.
Young adults who were over (ages 26-33) had never heard the term.
One other thing about “bless his heart.” It is often used to express empathy, but for a person who is kind of pathetic, or a “poor soul,” as in:
“Did you see Cletus downtown pushing around a shopping cart full of tin cans?”
"I did. Bless his heart, that boy hasn’t been right since his Mama died.:
Is that an insult? Not exactly.
Hunt, I agree with you about the missing “to be.” It really grates on me. I attribute its frequency in the Midwest to the German influence, where I believe that a direct carry over from the German (as opposed to a true translation) would yield the form without the “to be.”
I agree that “bless (your) heart” has shades of meaning. Said about others, it can mean anything from, “the poor dear,” to “he doesn’t know better.” When said directly to you, pay attention. The more modifiers, the worse the meaning.
You’re in public and your preteen, who knows nothing about gardening, happily tells you she weeded your prize rose garden for mother’s day. We don’t cause scenes in public or hurt children, so you smile broadly, give her a hug, and say, “Bless your heart!”
Your spouse, who also knows nothing about gardening and who history has shown is like a bull moose with a weed wacker, comes up and says he knows you’ve been busy so he weed wacked your garden. Again. You smile weakly and say, “Bless your little heart,” as you silently vow to pour motor oil in the gas tank of the weed wacker.
Your mother-in-law, who hates roses and most everything else decent and beautiful, waltzes up and announces that she weeded your gardens while you were out of town, and you just know all your favorite flowers have been yanked out by the roots. On purpose. You give her a strained smile and say, “Bless your ever loving little heart,” and mentally add up what it’s going to cost your hubby to repair the damages.
Wow–good to know these nuances. I’m very grateful no one has said anything to me about blessing my heart.
We have a lot of passive aggressiveness in HI (especially among women, hate to say)–its like an art form but something I have always had a very difficult time with. I just like being very honest and not saying anything if I have nothing nice to say.
Saccharine is what we call it when folks are “artificially sweet.”
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I didn’t even realize “put up” is Southern; I thought everyone talked that way and especially that all children “put up” their toys, though now it does occur to me some children “put them away.”
Out and about the other day, a store clerk asked me if I needed an ink pen because, in our locale, pen and pin are pronounced exactly the same and it is necessary to distinguish between them. 
“bless your heart” turns out to be a whole lot more nuanced than I would have imagined.
“good ol’ boy” strikes me that way as well. When someone in our new community gave my husband that title when describing him, I kind of felt relief that probably we had fitted ourselves in okay. I surely hope I was interpreting the meaning correctly in that instance.
Something my family said growing up that I continue to say is “Leave go” when I guess I mean “Let go.” As in “Leave go of the handle, I’ll take it” My husband thinks it’s ridiculous but it’s just unconscious when I say it.
“Fall down the Urban Dictionary hole and you’ll never resurface…”
UD can twist the meaning, for sure. I was actually surprised that the meaning in this case was changed only slightly. Stepping on a rake per UD is saying or doing something that leads to an unexpected reaction (a blunder, a mistake). I think UD mellowed out quite a bit.
“good ol’ boy” strikes me that way as well. When someone in our new community gave my husband that title when describing him, I kind of felt relief that probably we had fitted ourselves in okay"
To me, good ol’ boy would be a bit of an insult. It could reflect a no-women-allowed mentality or it could mean someone who probably means well but isn’t very educated or smart.
Mensch would be the compliment - someone who just always quietly does the right thing.
wide open means you have a free schedule in our area. 10 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound bag…is self-explanatory. have a blessed day is something everyone says from the clerk at a store to the worker in the drive thru. I guess in the south there are lots of them. My kids certainly make fun of me all the time for what I say. Put up does mean several things I agree. My grandmother would say she was going to put up a “mess” of okra…which meant she was going to cook some okra and put it up and can it or something to save it for the winter. By the way, never eat pickled beans…they are just terrible.
when a person in my area says she looks “rode hard and put up wet” it means she looks sleazy and disheveled. She looks rough…like she has partied all night. It is not a good thing.
My dad uses AC/DC to mean bisexual.
My daughter and her crowd use “the feels” …as in “that book gave me the feels” (stirred up feelings).
D has recently picked up “Do you feel me?” meaning do you understand what I’m saying. I reach out an touch her, “Yes, I feel you.” Annoying mother.