Just curious about how other parents/families might address this.
My daughter just looked up a film last night that her class is watching tonight~ and it has an R rating for violence AND for sexuality. She isn’t comfortable with either of these (her standard is to not watch R rated films, and that is actually pretty much my own as well), especially since reviews referred to the “erotic” quality of the film… She has been able to “ignore” the violence for the most part in other films, but there is concern about introducing something that really should be kept amongst mature (Dare I say, married?) couples, not in a mixed college class…
She also isn’t comfortable being “That student” who makes a fuss about things~
No way would I tolerate an R rated movie. I’m a teacher and am always careful of movie ratings if I choose to show a movie. I would be the one contacting the teacher, not my child.
She should ask the professor to be excused and see if there is another way to learn the material (book, edited screen version). She should just be honest with the prof that she is uncomfortable with the material in a college she chose for christian values. She should make a fuss, or complain, just state that she is uncomfortable.
Now if it is a film class, she might have trouble completing the course.
We always had the guideline for our kids that an R rating was given for people over 17 for a reason. So, they knew it was likely going to be a “no” from us. As they got closer to 17, we had more of a case by case conversation but, still a “no” for explicit sex scenes.
I’d let her blame you and keep her home or provide another way to opt out if it’s not a good fit for your family.
I think this is a college kid. If not, just say no permission to the high school.
I was very surprised that movie theaters even checked. My daughter was very young so didn’t turn 17 until Dec of her senior year of high school. I had no idea that she hadn’t been going to movies with her friends because she couldn’t get in.
This is for a college sophomore~ so very much her own person, and the class is a script/screen Shakespeare class.
Re: why the violence was somewhat more acceptable than the sex…
We see violence on the news, hear about it on a daily basis~ unfortunately… but it can be somewhat shut out. Sexuality is not something (in my opinion) that should be “public”… and introducing what to all intents and purposes is soft porn in the guise of entertainment is something that concerns me ~ just not sure how to approach this at this point.
Her current plan is to just not have her eyes on the screen (because she is a seriously non-confrontational personality, but still… wishing I had some more constructive ideas to give her.
If it is something like comparing different versions of Romeo &Juliette, I think she’s going to have to put up with the selection made by the professor. If it is an old version on tape, perhaps she can just watch it on her own and fast forward through parts of it.
Hard to avoid the the rampant sexuality in Shakespeare’s works which are filled with risque humor, crude jokes, and pretty explicit sexual references. If you were to cut these elements out of, say, Romeo and Juliet, you wouldn’t have much left.
I agree with others that your daughter is within her rights to excuse herself from anything she is uncomfortable with, but I find no fault with the school for representing Shakespeare as he often is – bawdy and violent. Is she more comfortable reading about these elements than viewing them?
I agree that Shakespeare can be pretty risque/bawdy/violent, however, films today are much more graphic than Shakespeare ever imagined… and I’ve never been terribly uncomfortable with play versions I’ve seen~ because you can’t use special effects for blood and gore, and I’m pretty sure that nudity and eroticism wouldn’t make it in a public live performance either… and any of the older films to the same degree of those today.
That being said~ the course was chosen without full knowledge of the contents~ because a syllabus is never given until the actual class begins~ and even then no way of knowing which specific works would be presented/required, so not so much a “you chose this, you should have expected it, deal with it” sort of situation.
Since she is a college Sophomore, she can avert her eyes.
Many films, especially foreign, will include nudity scenes that wouldn’t get the film rated in their respective cultures, for instance. Many will be excellent nevertheless (and unrated). Many will also imply sexuality or include non Christian behavior. Being exposed to a variety of films and learning coping mechanisms is an important skill for her to acquire now, especially if she wants to enjoy a broad variety of films for personal enjoyment without being worried about whether she’ll be able to handle them.
In addition, well, Shakespeare is bawdy. A theater version of Romeo and Juliet I saw 5 years ago had a contraption of veils swirling around the two totally naked actors. (There was no actual nudity shown). In another (less famous) play, there were puns on brothels and having sex.
Considering she’s attending a Christian college, I doubt the film is presented for the scene in question, it has to have some value, so sitting in the very last row and averting her eyes should do the trick for the embarrassing scene.
(Also, R is not NC17, it might not be as bad as she fears.)
College should broaden one’s horizons, not limit them because of any religious dogma. It is good for your D to learn how Shakespeare really is, not severely edited. Life in his place and time was not severely controlled as early America was by the Puritans. We still suffer from their influence even though the vast majority of Americans never had ancestors from their culture. An examination of many versions of Christian Bibles would not contradict such a college course. Kudos to the college for allowing truth instead of sanitizing to suit religions. Would you want them to ignore great religious paintings because of nudity? Being “Christian” does not mean being narrow/close minded. Many examples of great Christian colleges- those run by Jesuits come to mind.
Personally, I told my lads to go ahead and sign any permission form they wanted to while they were in high school, so no, an R rated film wouldn’t bother me in a school setting even if they aren’t what we usually choose to watch on our own for entertainment. We are quite deep in living out our faith, so why doesn’t this bother me? It’s part of the world we live in. My kids need to know a ton about the world they live in in order to understand it, live in it, and make their own choices. There’s nothing around today that wasn’t around in Biblical times as far as sex and violence are concerned - though actually - there’s less now if we want to get technical! One only need look at the artwork and stories from the times if they doubt it.
We’re told as much as it is up to us to live at peace with everyone. Understanding and allowing everyone to make their own choices is our part of living that life. We’d watch what was needed for a class and participate in any discussions intelligently - yet still choose our own entertainment viewing for our own lives. No regrets.
Haven’t read the other responses, but our school district would send out a parent permission form to be signed. I had a similar issue a few years ago. I talked it over with my ex husband and we decided it wasn’t a hill we were willing to die on, but I was pretty annoyed with the teacher for even bringing it up. Is there a reason the teacher feels the need to show this movie?
Oops - just read that it’s a college sophomore. My view - this is something your daughter needs to decide for herself, but I think averting the eyes may be the best approach.
The real world is filled with sex, violence, corruption, theft, dishonesty and assorted debauchery. The Bible, for instance, is chock full of it. Pretending we don’t live our lives surrounded by those things doesn’t sound very educational.
She’s an adult. She needs to learn to see the world around her as it is. Not that Hollywood does a great job of representing how it is, but life isn’t all Veggie Tales.
I agree that she needs to handle this herself, regardless of whether she chooses to attend and “avert her eyes” or skip it altogether and deal with the fallout. If she were to choose to skip it, it would be worth a try to discuss it with the professor. Can’t hurt, might help.
This is something she can discuss with the professor during his/her office hours. She can state why she is uncomfortable watching the movie and ask for an alternative assignment.
^ she should only do that after seeing the movie though. Or she could ask if he can watch the I’ll by herself, so that she can fast forward the problematic scene.
It’s going to be hard to ask for another assignment, sight unseen: She doesn’t exactly know why the film is rated R and whether it’s 1mn out of 100 or many many scenes! We don’t either: It could be Romeo+Juliet for instance… Or some experimental reinterpretation! And depending on the goals watching this particular film may be important.