Common App Essay Constructive Criticism

<p>Hi everybody, I just finished my second rewrite of my common application essay that requires an evaluation of a significant experience. I decided to write about my time at the PA governor’s school and would like to know if anyone could possibly help improve my essay. I am by no means a great write, so any help would be appreciated! Just PM me if you are willing to help, I appreciate it.</p>

<p>Thanks,
Ryan</p>

<p>I’d love to read it</p>