Common App Short Answer Critique

<p>I'll cut right to the chase. Here is my short answer for the common app I am transferring but I live in an area that also has good skiing (if that matters, but I wouldn't have chosen this if I went to college in LA or something). I know there is a little fat to trim. Looking for some suggestions.... any critique appriciated. Thanks!</p>

<p>Edit: Put my entire essay here, and I guess that isn't a good idea... looking for people to send it to. Please help... thanks again.</p>

<p>Ummm, I'm not sure what skiing has to do with the prompts but send it over anyways. But also send me your email as I type my commentary in red and it doesn't show up here.</p>