<p>Hi all! I was wondering if anyone would care to read of my short answer response. Any comments are greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).</p>
<pre><code>Helping both young and old Star Wars fans find costumes gave me the biggest smile when I worked at Halloween Adventure. A pop-up store with everything Halloween related one could possibly desire did not just give me a place to earn money, it forever change my perspective on work. When I thought about work the next day, I felt excitement; I could not wait to hop on the bus and start my next shift. Realizing work should not produce feelings of dread, I made a personal vow that I would try my hardest to only work jobs which gave me a sense of fulfillment. Despite feeling as if time is unlimited, I know such a feeling is false, which leads me to take advantage of what time I do have. Walking around a packed store for forty minutes with a six-year-old boy in an attempt to find the prefect knight accessories may not seem fulfilling to most;however, to me, I know I helped a little kid enjoy a special night.
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<p>Hi. I really like this. I just imagine you as that employee with a big smile that makes my day. However, I do think this needs some work. For starters, “When I thought about work the next day, I felt excitement;” doesn’t really make sense in context, the next day after what?? </p>
<p>“I would try my hardest to only work jobs” slightly wordy…</p>
<p>‘forever change my perspective on work’ - “changed” </p>
<p>“Despite feeling as if time is unlimited, I know such a feeling is false, which leads me to take advantage of what time I do have” I get what you are trying to say but this phrasing is awkward… consider revising</p>
<p>Walking around a packed store for forty minutes with a six-year-old boy in an attempt to find the prefect knight accessories may not seem fulfilling to most;however, to me, I know I helped a little kid enjoy a special night. - haha i really like the ending!!</p>
<p>i think you have a good idea going but this good be improved by carefully revising some of your sentences and looking deeper into why you liked this job so much and how it “forever changed your perspective” i know you only have ~150 words but I think you need to do more “showing” than “telling”</p>
<p>but it still made me smile, i wish more employees were like you</p>