<p>Here is my response to the short answer section of the Common App. The prompt is “Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.” I would love to receive some constructive criticism or thoughts on my response. </p>
<p>“Volleyball was one of the first times i realized that i could do anything if i put my mind to it. Freshman year, I rode the bench and maybe played in two games, and this did not sit well with me. Prior to my sophomore year, I took place in a 10 week vertical jump program and increased my vertical to 40 inches. I was determined to claim one of the last remaining varsity spots, and I did. It is amazing how much easier the game is when you are jumping twelve inches higher. Now, going into my senior year, I am one of the best players on the team and the team captain.”</p>
<p>KJM7878 -</p>
<p>This essay is a bit cliched. You start off with an overused saying “I can do anything if I put my mind it it.” Definitely get rid of that! Try to start it off with a hook - something to get the readers attention.</p>
<p>Even though this is a EC essay, it is still important!</p>
<p>Also, you end it with a sentence that comes across as bragging. You do not need to say you’re the captain since that’s already somewhere else on you app. Also, do not say you’re one of the best players on the team. That’s irrelevant. The adcoms don’t want to know how good you are at the EC but rather how much it means to you.</p>
<p>Sorry if I am a little harsh. If you need anything else, just ask.</p>
<p>Best regards,
<p>I agree with Mike. Try making your EC answer unique. Don’t say how good you are at volleyball, since that’s already stated under your EC list. Pretend you’re convincing someone that volleyball is actually important to you (regardless of how it looks on apps, being good at it, etc.)</p>
<p>Thank you very much for the feedback. Very helpful.</p>