<p>It’s probably a little late to be asking this since the applications have been submitted, but especially for those of you who have had your kids go to the selective or competitive colleges, how does a shy, non-competitive, somewhat lacking in self-confidence student fare at these places? (And I have in mind the most competiive, like Harvard and Princeton.)</p>
<p>Both my kids were/are at Rice, which is highly selective, but not as difficult to get accepted to as HYPS. They have found a very collaborative and laidback and friendly atmosphere, and the size of the place (about 3000 undergrads, 2500 grads) makes it easy to participate in lots of activities and get support from profs, etc. They study a lot, but also have lots of fun times. My kids aren’t particularly shy or lacking in self-confidence, but they certainly aren’t “get-out-of-my-way go-getters” and they have done very well there. I’m willing to bet that most of the stereotype of HYPS being competitive and cut-throat is untrue.</p>
<p>Of course, Rice has been described as a “kinder, gentler Harvard.” (winky face) (I’d love it if my D could get in and attend!)</p>
<p>My D went to Harvard and she found other students to be supportive, not competitive. Like at Rice, there really are a lot of activities for a student to get involved in, both at the dorm and university level. I don’t want to generalize, but I never met a shy student at Harvard. I think the environment helps you gain confidence in yourself. I think it could be due to the fact that you are so involved with what you are doing that you don’t take the trouble to compare yourself with others. It’s the old “I’m OK, you’re OK” attitude.</p>
<p>One thing to be aware of: everyone who comes into such schools was at the top of their class. Now 50% of them will be in the bottom half of the class at college. A’s are hard to get…but then failing grades are hard to get also. So if your D can handle being in the large middle section, and not at the top, she’ll be fine. And who knows, she may be able to be one of the top kids. Some kids would rather be the top dog in a less competitve environment than in the middle at HYP. That’s something that your D will have to decide for herself.</p>
<p>Bottom line: I wouldn’t turn down a HYP acceptance because you don’t think you could be competitive or that you are too shy.</p>
<p>You can’t judge how competitive a college is by its selectivity. There is a book called “The Select” or “Inside the Top Colleges.” (Two titles because two editions; it’s essentially the same book.) One question the author --I think it’s Howard Greene–asked was “Do you consider your classmates cutthroat?” The percentage of affirmative answers varied enormously among colleges which accepted about the same percentage of applicants. </p>
<p>So, if your kid gets into some top colleges, visit and investigate.</p>
<p>One of the quietest people I know (she’s happy to come to social events but will generally sit quietly in a crowd, and is happy to answer questions but is unlikely to start a conversation even one-on-one) went to Brown, where she was very successful.</p>