CompSci Major writes about tech-- too impersonal?

[Aniviel]

<p>Hey all,</p>

<p>What do you guys think? Is it a dumb idea to write about <em>what technology means to me</em> in a college essay? I’ll be majoring in Computer Science and it’s in response to the commonapp prompt:

Describe a character in fiction, an historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

</p>

<p>The direction of the essay is sorta explaining why I want to study compsci…I’m writing on the book Fahrenheit 451 and discussing how technology in the book seems to be opressing human feeling and connection, how Bradbury’s vision of the future is one where humanity as a cultural, social, and emotional entity is dying. Then it’s going to progress to why I want to study technology (to prevent this and in fact make technology into something oppposite: something to enhance humanity.)</p>

<p>I just wonder if this is too impersonal or just not something readers want to hear. I’m also a little worried if it could get too dark-- I draw several parallels between the world in Fahrenheit and our own modern world, which comes off pretty negative.</p>

<p>Mmph, I dunno. I really like this essay; It’s the only one I enjoyed writing and didn’t hate when I finished. Here’s a sampling: (I’m partially finished; some parts are too unpolished to share right now…)</p>

<p>

We don’t have a Fun Park with a Window Smasher and we don’t have the Car Wrecker place with the big steel ball, and we haven’t had to stretch out the billboards so that people can read them driving 150mph down the highway, don’t stop; don’t stop!—but sometimes the disconnect still finds a home: when a face-to-face meeting is replaced by a telephone conversation is replaced by a post on your MySpace account or a cold text message: r u ok?</p>

<p>All technology in Fahrenheit 451 is aimed at stopping thought, halting creativity, disconnecting people from each other and the world they live in. From the mechanical hound that sniffs out people accused of harboring books to the wall screens with overwhelming oceans of sound and emotion, conflict, all useless, all baseless and meaningless, the place of tech in this world is to replace humanity. To replace the connection between people and instead leave the cord hanging, connected to nothing. This is the future that I want to combat. Tech was not meant to intrude in our lives and take over the good things there. Tech was not meant to be a substitute for human emotion. </p>

<p>Instead, I’d like to see technology become a catalyst to discovering more humanity than we can see now. Games should encourage creative thought, not trap the player in a fight or flight situation. TV programs should encourage people to think, and yes, to feel, but that emotional response should be prompted by something truly meaningful, not synthesized sound and fury, signifying nothing. We’re entering an age wherein tech has the capacity to take hold of our lives and shake them around. We’re facing genetically engineered perfection, immortality, and access to information on a scale of immediacy and scope that we’ve not encountered before. So don’t let technology take over my human quirks. Let it expand my mind, not give me all the answers. Let it enhance who I am as a person, not take away my identity.

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<p>(I’m aware I’ve used abbreviations here; those won’t show up in the final copy. Mostly this is still in draft form.)</p>

<p>And another thing: people usually either think my writing is elegant and powerful of hacked and pedantic-- any idea how readers feel about this?</p>

<p>Meh, I’m terrifically grateful for any feedback you all can offer.</p>

<p>Thanks!
-Stacy</p>

[Aniviel]

<p><em>bumpity-bump</em></p>

[Aniviel]

<p>Bumpity-bumparoo?</p>

[greennblue]

<p>I like it! It’s intelligent with lots of energy. Your passion shows through, so it’s a good topic for you.
Other posters have pointed out that it’s a bad idea to post essays as they could be stolen. It’s better to post a request for readers and PM it to those responders that you trust.</p>