When I started college, I got involved in a small charity-based student organization. It’s just a few semesters old, and composed mostly of ‘officers,’ of which I am now one. The officers are just people who regularly dedicate time and come volunteer for events.
Now, the girl who started and runs the organization started with a fairly small group (basically, they are the other officers). She is very involved and enthusiastic about the cause. However, she has a huge course load every semester, and she organizes almost every event for the organization, plus manages everyone’s concerns about anything to do with it, AND she participates in a sport as well. Suffice it to say, she is very busy almost all the time, and I’ve wondered in the past how she manages her massive workload. Yet she often expresses that she doesn’t feel that she’s doing enough.
Well, just a few days ago, this girl was having an especially busy day, and typed off a brief message on the (officers only) groupme chat relating to an event we are preparing for. The event is being held by the college, not by us, so, as our representative, she has had to attend a few info sessions. The message she sent had something to do with availability of shirts for those who had signed up for the event vs. those that hadn’t yet. I don’t know exactly, it wasn’t very clear, but she came back and hour later to expand upon what she meant after she had the rest of the info. She had been about to go into one of these info sessions, and was rushed.
One of the officers said something to the effect that what she had said came across as passive-aggressive, and she got really upset, apparently, thinking she had offended everybody. She was apologizing profusely. Let’s just say that the other officer had not been, and would continue to not be, very tactful. He went on to say that she just needed to make a correction in the way she speaks/writes, as he had noticed similar stuff like that in the past. The next day, she posted a message asking everyone to come early to our next meeting, on Friday, to discuss ways she could ‘improve upon herself’ due to her being ‘oblivious to her behavior’ and wanting to address it.
Look, I really care about the girl, she does so much and never feels like she is doing enough. I sent her a personal message, to the effect that I supported her and that she had done nothing wrong, that there was nothing she needed to change based on something we could tell her, but she said she still wanted to hold the meeting. No one else has posted on the Group Message. I don’t know what to do. I am only recently involved with them (or the organization) and I may only see them a few times a month. I’m not sure I feel comfortable getting in the middle of this drama, but I’m genuinely worried about her; she has deleted her Facebook, and probably cancelled the fundraiser we had scheduled for Friday. I don’t know that there is anything more to say to her, but I need an objective opinion on all of this. Is there something I should/can do to help her? Thank you so much, guys, for reading all of this. I’ve got nobody to ask.
I would try to tell her the same thing in person- sit her down and tell her how you see this whole situation. Recognition of how hard she works and all of this ridiculous drama in the student organization will help her feel less alone and overwhelmed. Remind her that you’re here for her and that you seek only her best intentions with any help she may need from you, but that’s really all you can do. She is running the entire thing and of course you can gather the other officers in a group without her and just lay it out of what you think has been happening. Mention that you feel she is being underappreciated and how much her efforts make the organization dependent on her.
Thank you for trying to look out for someone that is obviously being used for her desire to be the best person she can possibly be and they’re running her to the ground.
Trust me I had a similar thing in an honor society, I totally understand how lost the situation may feel. Hope this helps…
Thank you, @grimmghost, that really does help. Some of it seems to have blown over a little bit, but if it comes back up when we have our next meeting, I’m going to make sure I do that. Meanwhile I am going to make sure I make more of an effort to let her know that she’s appreciated.
I’m so sorry you had to go through something similar to this. I think her situation really affected me because I too have experienced similar things, usually through group projects and the like. I really understood what she was going through; the hurt and the upset, it can really get to you. It just sort of shocked me that one of the officers, who is supposed to be one of her friends, would do something like that, when there really was no reason for it.
Thank you so much for the advice. I just didn’t know what to do!
Does your group have a faculty adviser? Maybe you could talk to them about this person being overwhelmed.