Concerned about going to college–help!

Pre-College Topics
1

I’m a current high school senior. While I’m still on Harvard’s waiting list, I will in all likelihood be attending Swarthmore College in the fall. Although Swarthmore was not my first choice, I think it’s a great school and I’m very lucky to be going there. That being said, I’m concerned/nervous about my college experience in general.

I am a strong student, but I have never enjoyed my high school classes (who does?) and have always found school to be a real chore. High school/these past four years were pretty miserable for me. I am undecided in terms of a major––all areas of study I have researched or taken classes in thus far are “okay,” all tolerable and moderately interesting at times, but I have no ambition to pursue any of them in greater depth. While I do have several artistic interests/talents (I’m a serious pianist/composition student of 13 years, writer of fiction), I don’t want to have to struggle in their pursuit, only to end up broke and unknown like so many other people, so I don’t think I want to pursue these things professionally.

In addition, I have grown up in NYC, so moving to a suburb (even one outside of a major city) is a little daunting. The things that HAVE given me pleasure in life will all now be inaccessible––my childhood apartment, my parents, my dog, my twin brother, etc. I am not an outgoing person by nature, and the friends whom I enjoy most are people I have known for literally 13 years (since Kindergarten).

Lastly, I do not/will not drink or smoke, go to parties, etc. I have no intention of dating.

How uncommon are my concerns? Do others like me find purpose and/or enjoyment during their college experience?

2

You may want to get a book titled The naked roommate. Excellent reading for the summer before college.

(The waitlist has been exhausted a month ago, so you need to close that and move on.)

Many, if not most, freshmen are in your situation.

Did you ask for a Healthy Living/substance-free dorm?
Contact Housing about it.

When you arrive, move in and introduce yourself to others on your corridor. Join them for meals. Keep your door open.
Participate in clubs.

A party need not be alcohol-based and may be you and a bunch of friends drinking blue kool aid and playing cards in your room.

3

Thank you for your help and advice. A couple things:

  1. I know for a fact that there are no specialized dorms. That being said, I filled out a survey to match me with a compatible roommate, so maybe that is as good.

  2. I know for a fact that I am still being considered for admission (heard from the admissions office directly) so while it is unlikely anything will come of it, it is not yet time to “move on.”

4

Whenever someone says “I know for a fact…” I am pretty sure it is not.

5

Freshman dorms aren’t specialized, but upper class students have access to substance free housing AND all dorms include all 4 classes, ergo, if you request substance-free as a freshman your odds aren’t bad at all (euphemism) that you’ll get that.
As for #2, they were trying to be nice to a kid still hoping and desperate enough to ask, but… no. They’re not “still considering” you for real. It’s like in an election when only one county’s left and you’re 2 points behind.
(Unless you called a person in particular and had their specific number, you got a student worker who’s been instructed to respond thus to any kid calling.)
Most importantly, regardless of where you end up, buy The Naked Roommate and start reading. :slight_smile:

6

I’ll definitely pursue substance free housing, so thank you for that advice. It may make all the difference.

But no, I communicated with the officer in charge of my particular application. Many students have been actively rejected from the waitlist, at this point–I have not. It’s highly unlikely that I will get in, of course, but the fact that they have chosen to keep me on the list, and I have been told by my specific contact that there are still admissions decisions to be made, indicates that the chance is non-zero.

7

The things that HAVE given me pleasure in life will all now be inaccessible––my childhood apartment, my parents, my dog, my twin brother, etc. I am not an outgoing person by nature, and the friends whom I enjoy most are people I have known for literally 13 years (since Kindergarten).

Lastly, I do not/will not drink or smoke, go to parties, etc. I have no intention of dating.


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You sound much like my older daughter, who just completed her freshman year at university. Stating your preferences clearly on the roommate form is a great first step – you’re very likely to get matched up with someone who has similar views about substance use and partying.

Not dating is probably more common than you think. Some people avoid it to focus on their studies, some have significant others at another school, and some people (like my daughter) just have no interest. I don’t think it will be a big deal to anyone.

Making friends is always scary, but take it a step at a time. During Welcome Week, try to find one person in your dorm (ideally, on your floor) who shares at least one major interest. Make it a point to connect with them every few days. You may find it too difficult to leave your door open because of shyness or anxiety, but you could make it a point to study in the common lounge and appear open to conversation.

You have deep-seated interests that you’ve chosen not to pursue as a career, but they’re the perfect opening to finding friends. Join the Creative Writing club, put an offer on the music department board to serve as a accompanist, look for any 'zines published by groups and get involved, offer to serve as volunteer support for a chamber music or other group, or join a music boosters group. If your non-interest in dating is related to your sexual orientation; i.e., you identify as asexual, joint the campus LGBTQ+ group. If not, join the gay/straight alliance! These are just initial suggestions for finding like-minded friends, but I’m sure you can think of many others.

As for missing home, Skype was our saviour. Skype or Facetime with your family, and ask them to let you talk to your dog. Connect separately with your brother and high school friends. You don’t need to feel you’re leaving them behind just because your life circumstances have changed.

Most important: if you begin to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, tell your parents! They are your best resource for ways to maintain your mental and emotional health during this exciting transition.

Good luck!