Concerned my son isn't reaching as high as he can, please make suggestions!

Parents Forum
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<p>That’s him, I’m not gonna invade his space on the internet though, he might flip out lol. I just told him I joined the site with a resounding, “what?” as his response. He’ll get over it.</p>

<p>Taking a look at that he never really mentioned Vanderbilt or Rice, but I’m assuming he ditched Rice as he was just talking about how much he disliked texas (though he’s never even been there, he’s got some crazy stereotype in his mind that its far more racist out there, but I keep explaining he cant just judge things off other people’s statements), but Vanderbilt might be a great school for him to consider, it seems he is thinking ahead.</p>

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<p>Are you from CA? if not I don’t think you can expect a whole lot of FA from the UC schools. Since you expressed that concern I echo the posts of others who have indicated that you should sit down and tell him how much you are willing to pay. This will perhaps encourage him to set his sights on some schools with larger endowments and allay his fears that he may become a financial burden at a smaller LAC (which incidentally is not always more expensive than a UC when all is said and done)</p>

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<p>"Also, his father is still part of the equation, and he pays very little for my sons stepsisters tuition, so I do expect help from him, not quite sure how child support will work in regards to college. "</p>

<p>Check the archives financial aid forum on CC because there are threads on this subject. Colleges will require him to file the financial aid paperwork, and they will consider his as well as your and your S’s salary and assets when awarding your S’s need-based financial aid. Should your S’s dad refuse to file the financial aid paperwork (which has happened with some students posting on CC), colleges may refuse to consider your S for need-based financial aid. </p>

<p>Has your S traveled to Miami, California, Montreal and other places where he’s considering going to college? I’m wondering if he’s aware of how the cultures of such places differ from New Jersey as does the racial mix. For instance, in Miami, Hispanics are the dominant minorities, and also have a great deal of political and other power. Black people are literally at the bottom of the social pile, and that can be difficult for blacks from the North to adjust to. I remember seeing a Detroit Free Press article about this about 12 years ago, and I also had a recent conversation about this with a black man, Chicago native, business professional, who recently left Miami after living there for several years. </p>

<p>Has your S considered colleges in metropolitan areas like D.C. , Atlanta, and Houston? </p>

<p>I think that the part that you pay for on the US News premium college site also provides lots of info about the diversity mix on college campuses (as well as providing detailed info about financial aid, admissions, etc.).</p>

<p>i agree that seeing the world is a wonderful thing, and I love to travel, and started taking my kids abroad at young ages. Due to the amazing study abroad opportunities that probably most colleges now have, one can see the world wonderfully as part of one’s college experience. At some colleges, there are study abroad opportunities as early as freshman year. For instance, at my S’s LAC in Fla. , there are course-related opportunities for freshmen to travel to Ecuador and California, and those are just the opportunities I’ve noticed! </p>

<p>Myself, I think 2-3 weeks backpacking in Europe still is very costly, far more expensive than it was when most of us were young, the dollar was much stronger, and airfares and oil prices were much cheaper.</p>

<p>It might be a good idea to make sure that your S gets the money he needs for college before he sets his heart on a couple of weeks backpacking next summer. I am suggesting this out of fear that college costs may end up being more than you and your S are prepared for. Costs of risen so much in recent years that they are quite a shock for many families, even those who expected that they could with little difficulty pay out of their own pockets for college.</p>

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<p>No we’re not from CA, and yes that’s what the general consensus is. Maybe I should suggest Pepperdine in exchange for UCSB and see how he feels about that, but he’s obviously got UCSB as one of his safeties so I’m assuming it’s not that important to him.</p>

<p>Edit: Very true Northstarmom, but to clear things up his father isn’t a bad man, I simply meant he was paying little for my sons stepsister because shes going to a state school and get a scholarship, I’m sure we will have no problem filing FA, it’s what they give that we will have to work with. He’s been to florida/south beach area, and though he’s never been to california, he’s got friends out there. Hopefully we can grab him a really cheap flight and fly him out there to stay with one of his friends before admissions decisions. As for the other places, he’s been all up and down the east coast, and as for Montreal no he hasn’t been there, but he seems to like the international allure of the city, I’m going to continue to stress hwo important it is that he research these places.</p>

<p>As for the more metropolitan areas like where we are from (NYC), I think I should suggest some of those, but first I’m going to have to actually FIND viable schools in those areas.</p>

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<p>Why not encourage him to substitute Stanford for UCSB? Stanford has a nice social atmosphere, tons of top athletes in the classrooms and heaps of good sports to cheer. Palo Alto isn’t as sexy as Miami or Montreal but it isn’t an isolated location either.</p>

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<p>I thought about that, but thats a bit of a reach. I actually remember back in junior year that was one of his dream schools, but he thought the social life was close to nil (which he found out otherwise), but now he feels that that is a bit too much of a reach. If he gets his Sats I bit higher though I’m fairly certain he stands a chance, I’ll certainly suggest it.</p>

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<p>Hey–he’s got his safety (second the idea of applying early to Penn State). No harm in one Hail Mary app. My sons did one each. One didn’t get his dream school but one did. Ya never know. Your son’s global interests should help him with his essays to both Calif schools.</p>

<p>Encourage him to get those SAT word flashcards out and concentrate on getting that CR score up over 700.</p>

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<p>Chapel Hill seems like another good place for your son. It is a very diverse and social campus, but an intellectual campus too. DS’s friend chose it over some very hard hitting options because everyone there is just so nice (so he said).</p>

<p>And even OOS it’s less expensive than USC and UMiami.</p>

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<p>As a black person who moved from the NE to Calif for a year of grad school, I was very surprised by the racial mix in Calif. in that the proportion of blacks was relatively small even in major metros, while the proportion of Asians and Hispanics was very large.</p>

<p>I do like being around diverse groups of people, but didn’t expect that people of my race would be a small minority even in major metros. I found that made things more difficult for me when it came to dating (This might not be true for a black male, because it seems to be easier for black males to date outside of their race than it’s true for black females).</p>

<p>I also found that while I loved many aspects of Calif., it was a little too laid back for me. Anyway, these are things for your S to consider if he’s planning on going far from home: Some culture shock may result. That can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how he responds to situations like that. </p>

<p>What exactly does mean when he says he wants to go to a school with a good social life? Does that mean a place with lots of school spirit, tailgate parties, students painting their faces in school colors at games? Does it mean a campus and community with lots of cultural activities or sports events going on? Does it mean a place in which partying/drinking and/or Greek life are dominant forms of entertainment?</p>

<p>Other than preferring sunnier, warmer weather than N.J., anything else he’d like to have in the area of the college he goes to?</p>

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<p>I will certainly let him know cheers, he’s already started self studying the CR + math portions though, since early sept/late august.</p>

<p>I think that he’s looking FORWARD to the culture shock, he likes to experiment with new people, see how people are in other areas, which is why he’s always been so interested in psychology/anthropology. He’s never had problems adjusting and meeting friends in his life as far as I know, and he hasn’t expressed any concerns regarding that aspect. My sons incredible laid back and “chill” as his friends put it, I think his english teacher describing how “chill” cali. is is what got him interested into it in the first place.</p>

<p>By Social life I think he meant a combination of not only diversity and parties, but also the ability to call up some friends order a pizza and play games for a night. He wants a campus where the life is vibrant both on and off, though he prefers more of the action to be on campus. That was one of his only qualms with U Miami, it seems alot of that is centric on south beach and clubbing which is great to him, but not the most incredible thing (again we live near New york so it’s not like its a brand new world).</p>

<p>The only things he will not consider if virginia (too much family) and he’s kind of wary about south carolina (again alot of family), besides that everything else is fair game. He just has waned away from the midwestern/central schools because of their seeming lack of diversity, can anyone comment on that?</p>

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<p>{Small point re backpacking in Europe: My niece did it this summer for 2-1/2 months after finishing a school program in Jordan. Apart from the transatlantic air trips, she was able to do it very frugally. Her train travel cost next to nothing, and she was able to find cheap short-hop airfares often, too. Some places, she stayed with friends or relatives, but in most she was able to find hostels for under E30/night, sometimes a lot under. She didn’t eat in restaurants much. She had a ball. She put a lot of effort into it, sure, but she had never done anything like that before – never even been away from her home city for more than 2 weeks.}</p>

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<p>I know how enlightening a backpacking experience can be, so yes I do want him to experience that.</p>

<p>So the general consensus seems to be that he can find for himself, and most of his choices are good. I’m going to suggest some of the schools to him and see how he feels.</p>

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<p>Has he looked at Claremont McKenna and Pomona College? Warm weather, great academics, diversity, and a pretty good social scene ( Claremont has somewhat of a party rep- he’d probably love it).</p>

<p>Claremont has a psychology major, and Pomona has anthro and psych.</p>

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<p>I don’t think that every student should go for the reachiest schools to which he could apply. Some should, some shouldn’t.</p>

<p>I think it is a worry if a student is choosing schools based on where he can party the heartiest.</p>

<p>But I don’t think this student’s list, which he has based on social considerations - but which includes academically VERY solid schools - necessarily means his priorities are out of order.</p>

<p>concernedclaude - if I were you, I would have that talk very specifically with him. If he chooses schools where he believes there will be a balance of good academics and good social life… will <em>he</em> <em>personally</em> be able to strike that appropriate balance? This is critical. </p>

<p>For some students, it is a good environment to be academically somewhere around the top 10% to 15% to 25% of his peers. He has identified schools where that might well be the case. At the “reach-y” schools, he won’t be. I don’t know how that would be for him. With his SAT scores (which is only one measure and not at all beloved by me, but still…) he will be more in the lower half of the pool - even if he breaks that 700-mark by a hair. Which would be the better environment for him?</p>

<p>Like NSM, I speak from personal experience, as many of us parents do. Everyone’s kids and experiences are different. We shouldn’t project that our kids’ experiences will apply to yours. But seeing these vignettes and what we’ve observed for our kids may help you sort through your concerns.</p>

<p>My S was a merit $$ student at a school not unlike the type on your kid’s list (Tulane). He was solidly in the top 10% (maybe better) of their pool. He loved the place. <em>For him</em>, it was not a Party School. He chose the honors dorm. He was in a demanding major. He did the work, struck the balance, enjoyed the place immensely socially and did well academically. Because of Katrina, he spent a term at a different - quite dissimilar - school: a top-25 New England LAC known, according to some (I can’t say myself), for grade deflation. He also did very very well there academically and enjoyed himself socially. </p>

<p>Also, because of Katrina, he had to transfer out of Tulane, as they eliminated his major. He chose a top school, very demanding. There, he is not at the top of the applicant pool. He is doing well there. BUT: there, he struggles academically in some courses. In those courses, he is holding his own; his head is above water. But it is not fun. This is a good and serious student; but, for him, the type of school the OP’s son is self-selecting was the better choice. </p>

<p>Think of it this way: in the type of school on your S’s list, if he is capable of enjoying it socially but rising above the Party Hearty trap, he does the work, he’s smart… he gets the GPA to go with that. But at the reach-y schools, it might be that he works harder than he has ever had to in the hopes that (in some classes, even if just a few) he might, maybe, eke out a B. This might not happen. But it might.</p>

<p>As to financials, I am just wondering: will you qualify for need-based aid? if so, it is true that some of the most selective schools in the country give generous need-based aid. But so do others not quite so reach-y. They also can be sources of good merit $$ (U Miami, eg). It sounds a little to me like you are approaching the financial piece as “it will all work out.” I’d rather see it addressed head on: what is the EFC? What are typical packages for that EFC at each school under consideration? Should the kid be targeting merit aid as a key element in his list-building? If so, some of the schools on the list will still work. But I wouldn’t just leave it to happenstance.</p>

<p>Best of luck. He sounds like a great student. And, as long as he keeps his head on straight, as he has in his high school years, he can do great wherever he chooses.</p>

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<p>I don’t blame him for wanting to go to UMiami and Florida is a diverse state. I’m a native, and I love the spice, diversity, and quirkiness of our state. Not to say we don’t have our struggles, but it’s definitely a melting pot, or tossed salad, or whatever they say these days…anyway, it’s a fun place to live!
Has he looked at UF, Rollins, or South Florida? Totally different sizes and experiences (large, small, large), different parts of the state, and all worth looking at. Florida has many schools.</p>

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<p>Very wise and insightful advice, jmmom.</p>

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<p>Thanks so much for more of the posts, and Pomona really might be what he’s looking for, its a tad small but everything else is great.</p>

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<p>I don’t know that your s should consider UCSB a safety since you are oos…I don’t know that he shouldn’t but I know oos students even those with good stats, find the UC system sometimes less than welcoming. I could be dead wrong but if he hasn’t already researched it he may want to and come up with some other safety choices if need be.</p>

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<p>“He just has waned away from the midwestern/central schools because of their seeming lack of diversity, can anyone comment on that?”</p>

<p>I know there’s lots of diversity at Washington U-St. Louis. Considering the large numbers of African Americans and Hispanics in much of the Midwest (where I have lived, too), I suspect that your S can find diversity in many Midwestern schools. </p>

<p>"By Social life I think he meant a combination of not only diversity and parties, but also the ability to call up some friends order a pizza and play games for a night. He wants a campus where the life is vibrant both on and off, though he prefers more of the action to be on campus. "</p>

<p>My S is at Rollins, Winter Park, just outside of Orlando. There seem to be lots of campus activities, and the theme parks and other activities of Orlando are as little as 10-30 mins. away. About 20% of the students are minority or internationals. </p>

<p>I also suggest that your S look at University of Florida and Florida State. Both are very diverse and have lots of activities on campus. I don’t know how the off campus activities would compare to what your S is looking for, but he could check them out.</p>

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<p>Just a note that your son has a profile that might get him into honors programs at many schools. These programs usually give extra $ and access to small classes, better advising, etc. PSU has an excellent honors program, so, if he applied there, it’s worth a shot, especially if he gets his SAT scores up.
My son chose PSU over higher ranked schools, partially because of scholarships and the honors college. Like your son, he loved the balance of social and academics at PSU. He’s an excellent student, and has done well. He’s joined a frat…and yes he does party. But he’s figured out a good balance. He studies hard and maintains an excellent GPA. He plays his sport and does some community service. He wants to study abroad next summer - and because his college costs are so low - we are able to help fund that. Plus the honors college is contributing some $.
Good luck to your son. He sounds like a great kid…let him follow his heart.</p>