First of all, congrats to all the music students and their parents, for surviving the joyous seasons of figuring out where to apply, applying, getting pre screens in, and then the audition process, choosing a school, and sending in the deposit (and of course, surviving all the years leading up to this). Obviously the joyous is meant a more than a bit tongue and cheek, knowing how stressful it was and is.
Time to take a deep breath:).
Just some thoughts looking back now a good number of years, with my son a professional musician. I am hoping others will chime in on this, too, to give thoughts on the process now they are on the path.
1)Don’t be surprised if there is buyer’s remorse, the road not taken, fretting if they made the right choice. It is natural, we all do this with many decisions we make, but obviously this is a big one. My son had a lot of good choices but after he made his decision, there was a couple of months of “did I make the right choice, maybe I screwed up”. It is natural, best bet IMO is listen, let them say what they are feeling and only respond if they ask what you think.
2)When they arrive at the school and start getting into the swing of things, don’t be surprised if especially at first they seem overwhelmed, or are saying there are so many good students, their playing is phenomenal, I must be the worst student in the studio, etc. That too is natural, our son was in a studio with a very high level, well respected teacher and they had some really, really top level students in there in grad school or AD, people who were soloists already and so forth. He already had something of an inferiority complex thanks to his high school teacher, but it can happen bc of course they compare themselves to others. Listen to them, express support for them, confidence in their ability and tell them they got there, and those likely are kids with a lot years more playing than them. One thing I suggest that IME will backfire, don’t tell them something like ‘Of course you are good, you were first chair all state, etc etc’ . This instead of making them realize they are good, will make them feel like ‘I was so good back then, why am I so bad now? Was I ever good?’
Again this is natural IMO, and what we did was listen and then tell him he was there for a reason. Even now so many years later, we still seem to here mostly when he is feeling down or the negative stuff, someone else told me it was because he knows we are good listeners and don’t interject ourselves in it unless he asks, he feels safe.
3)Encourage your kid to network with the other students and even with the faculty. Music down the road to a large extent is about networking, it operates on many levels. My son’s group came about because some of them met at a summer program, then were at the same school, and got together initially to read chamber pieces for fun and it snowballed.
Music can be passive, in the sense that you work with the teacher, you practice, you take other classes like music theory. But much of it is active, meeting people, working with them, and that to me is a big part of the music school experience.
4)Encourage them to take any kind of performance opportunities they can get, lab orchestras, possible gigs, informal performances (like sight reading). My son has a lot of contacts he met this way, and still keeps in touch.
5)There may be times when they feel like they aren’t getting anywhere, thinking about maybe doing something else. It could be true, but often it is just they have hit a rut or aren’t seeing change, when in fact it is going on. With our son his big fear was his technical playing (which some of which might have been true, the other part was his teacher in high school who made him think he wasn’t that good) and agonized his teacher wasn’t fixing the issues.
Again listen to what they are saying, and give your thoughts if they ask, but know this could happen all through their time there. Obviously, if the kid is having this constantly,is seriously thinking of moving on to something else, is seriously thinking it isn’t for them that is another story. In the end only they can make that decision, just let them know you will support them whatever they choose IMO.
As a summary, there could be big ups and big downs. The frustrating part is as parents they may be grown , but it still hurts to see all this, to hear them when they are down. to hear them questioning. What is worse unless you are from a musical background (which neither of us is/was), there isn’t much we likely have to offer directly. I had it described to me from another person whose kid was a musician, that during this time we are there to listen to them, be supportive emotionally, and only give our advice/thoughts if they ask for it. It always reminds me of an old humerous story, where in their teens and 20s the standard response we get to what we say to them is ‘what do you know, you don’t understand, this isn’t the same as when you were growing up, etc’. Then when they are in their 30’s is “when did you get so smart?” lol.
Again, hopefully others will share on this thread. And oh, yeah, it doesn’t end when they graduate if they decide they still are pursuing music:)