Constructive criticism on my UC essay?

<p>This is my first draft, and I would like some constructive criticism, please?</p>

<p>Question: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<pre><code> Ever since I was a child, I did not consider myself blessed with a specific talent or accomplishment. However, as I grew older, I realized that although I was considered average at school and sports, the trait that set me apart from other people was my empathy. I enjoyed helping other people, especially people who were less fortunate than I.

<p>Every year during Christmas, I looked forward to accompanying my grandmother to the mall to buy presents. These presents were not for me, though, they were for the homeless children. My grandmother and I would venture to the local department store and fill a shopping bag full of candy, toys, clothes, books and toiletries. We would then go home and fill empty “Operation Christmas Child” shoeboxes with all of the merchandise. All the items were evenly distributed to each box and my grandmother would make sure that each child had at least one clothing item, some candy, a book, plenty of toiletries and several toys. I knew the elation of opening presents on Christmas morning and I wanted to be able to give the homeless children the same feeling of joy. This is the exact reason why I reveled in helping others. I cherished the feeling of helping others because I loved knowing that something as simple as a shoebox full of toiletries and candy could make a child so gleeful. It is with this passion for helping others that has remained with me while growing up. This is why I continued to volunteer.
The place that has had the most impact on me was volunteering at my local library, helping children read and complete homework. Many of the children that participate in the library’s Homework Help” program have parents who do not speak English well enough to assist their child with their work. Helping a kindergartner spell a vocabulary word, although a simple task for me, tremendously helped the children whose parents barely spoke a word of English. Multiple times, the parents would utter to me, in broken English; “Thank you so much!”. I realized how appreciative the parents were of my assistance. I enjoyed this feeling of helping others with no expectation of something in return, except a simple “Thank you”. It is for this exact reason why I aspire to study in the health field. Helping others is a task which I enjoy and excel at. Going into health services will assist me in living the dream I have had since I was a child: lending a hand to those who need it. Having a healthcare profession would allow me to utilize my care for others.</p>

<p>Wow that was really good</p>