Constructive criticism on my UC Essay?

<p>This is my first draft and I know it is kinda jumbled but i need direction on what im doing right and what I;m doing wrong. Please help me if you know what you are talking about. Thank you!</p>

<p>Question: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<p>Here I am in a roomful of classmates, our desks arranged in a circle and here it comes again; That feeling of extreme anxiety, almost unfathomable. I feel the shock of nervousness flood my body, my hands tremble uncontrollably, and I am utterly without mind as my AP Psychology teacher calls on me to casually discuss how my week is going. I feel so exposed with all eyes on me, surely people must be laughing inside at my ridiculous state.
Little did I know that this fear of public speaking that I’d experienced as long as I could remember would be abandoned in the course of one week. I was amongst a group of upcoming high school seniors of all different races, backgrounds, beliefs, attending Camp Royal, a Rotary-sponsored leadership training program. I’d heard previous campers describe it as a “life- changing” event, but how could a mere week change the life of a person? I did not believe that my perspective on life or my fear for public speaking would be altered. Here at Bar 717 Ranch in Trinity County, a pristine place isolated from reality, we had the rare opportunity to forget life’s daily distractions. The main goal of this camp was for the counselors to get us campers to see the greatness in each one of us as individuals and as leaders. For me, what was the most powerful moment for me was the Wall. What looked like an ordinary piece of wood was so much more than that when it took on the symbolism of our greatest fears and obstacles. We physically lifted each and every person over the wall, each of us sharing a fear or barrier we wished to overcome. All of us were hugging and crying, we were a support team for each person. I finally volunteered myself. Walking up to the front of the group of fifty people I no longer viewed as friends, but family. The words came out of my mouth so freely for the first time in front of many. So exposed, however I had no problem revealing my obstacles and fears to this diary of support. I have never before witnessed that kind of selfless, unconditional love and support. Being an officer for Interact Club Junior Year, it was just as difficult to speak in front of an audience as it was in psychology class. Now as a senior, every time I stand up there in front of a group, I remember that love and support at the wall and that everyone has tribulations and it is okay to let others see them. Wishing to overcome this for years, all I needed was the right mindset. I believe my outlook on life and people has matured. I have a passion for helping others, and I wish to spread that hope and courage that I found at camp to others that have self esteem issues with public speaking, or anything that gets in their way of being their true self.</p>

<p>ask for this to be removed, dont post your essay in public!</p>