<p>My 19 year old son, a rising college sophomore, is home, doing summer internship in nearby Wall Street. His school has a quarter system and starts in late September. </p>
<p>The other night, he and I had a chance to share our thoughts on various things. He is a pretty thoughtful and mature kid, so, I have many adult to adult conversations with him. Somehow, I started to talk about parenting – more specifically my evaluation of me as a parent. I told him that I never had the aptitude of being the best parent there is. I was never a baby person. I never had enough patience like some other wonderful mothers. I never delighted in doing arts and crafts with the small children. In short, emotionally, I am not a natural like some other mothers. Fran (a woman I hired to take care of the kids while I was working, who stayed with the kids for 14 years) was far more of a natural than I could ever dream of being. My husband has been, and is, the magician who could work his magic with the kids without even being aware of it. </p>
<p>I went on to say that, there are some things you could become good at by trying hard, and there are some things that you just have to have that magic touch. You could become a good accountant by conscientiously trying hard. But, you could never become Rembrandt by trying hard - you either have it or you don’t. I believe being a perfect parent is something like that. </p>
<p>I told him, what I tried though is to be a conscientious parent. I always knew that I could never be as good as some naturally gifted parents, but I could conscientiously take care of things and tasks I am good at in the background - the grunt work, like, working out all the complicated logistics of summer activities… Knowing my limitation, I also stepped back and gave space for my husband to work his magic. I let Fran fully “own” her space as a very meaningful presence in kids’ emotional landscape, rather than fight with her to “prove” who is the mother. </p>
<p>At t his point, my son said “Mom, you are underselling yourself. I’ve become very good at dealing with people and engaging the world around me, whose influence do you think it is?” I said “mostly your father” He said, “don’t you know that the value system that guides XXX (his younger brother) and me, that is from you? It’s you who made it clear to us that one’s values matter and matter a lot when it comes to working with people and engaging the world?”</p>
<p>THEN, he said something that many parents won’t hear in their life time. </p>
<p>He said, “don’t you realize that in doing your best to become a conscientious parent, you became that perfect parent you thought you were not?”</p>
<p>From the mouth of a 19 year old, I heard something many parents can only wish to hear maybe at their death bed or funeral. I almost feel that I don’t deserve this. I don’t think he realizes how he moved me, completely and unexpectedly.</p>
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