Coping With Random Roommates from the Class Below You

College Life
21

This is 30 years ago, but my sophomore year my roommate transferred out and a freshman moved in. I think had it been at the beginning of the year, it would have been fine. It was awkward though. Not bc she was a freshman but bc her boyfriend never left our room.

You can keep your diagnosis to yourself. My S usually does. People often find him odd. But he also very funny, so they just scratch their heads and ignore his oddness. Once in a great while it causes a problem. We let one of his friends know it’s happening and they usually know what to do to make it stop or redirect it. We got busted on this once though and S was mad…

Now in your case, the issue isn’t that you are a junior and they are sophomores. It is that you don’t know them. Do they all know each other or all you all random to one another?

22

Time and again, I see you assume the worst. Stop assuming they are being fake nice. If you always react towards them as though they are being fake, then I guarantee, they will become fake nice, for real. Do not allow yourself to sabotage a chance of happiness with negativity. Yes, you are aware that there will be posters here familiar with your other postings. If your roommates are being nice, just accept it. Don’t analyze it for fakery. Go with the flow. Learn to relax.

23

What does your therapist say about all this?

24

@pkchamp89
“Let them get to know the real you. There is awkwardness in general when people who don’t know each other room together. So people tend to hold back until they can assess for themselves in person. Don’t bring your preconceived ideas from last year to this year. It will not help the situation. Join some clubs and try to connect with people who are like you and have similar interests.”

Well, there really isn’t that much to know about me, and what there is might turn them away from me because of my interests, what little there are, are mostly considered weird or odd. And I’ve already been part of several clubs as part of my time on campus, they just haven’t done much for me. I’m going to be Vice President of History Club and Secretary of History Club, even. And I don’t want to bring in preconceived notions, it’s just that last year I was basically ignored by the other suitemates due to me being the odd man out and, as I said before, wouldn’t have even been told I was going to be replaced by someone else if I didn’t text one of them at the last minute. And we are all in the same class. What’s to say it won’t happen again this year due to me being an even bigger elephant in the room?

@HRSMom
“Now in your case, the issue isn’t that you are a junior and they are sophomores. It is that you don’t know them. Do they all know each other or all you all random to one another?”

They all know each other, but me. Granted I think we’re all in the Honors Program (except one who I think is joining this year) but since they were freshmen there wasn’t much interaction between them and the upperclassmen since that’s how things generally work. And the issue may or may not be that I’m a junior and they’re all sophomores but it probably won’t help things. So I should really come up with a backup plan if the same thing as last year happens to jump over this year.

@Lindagaf
" Learn to relax."

I’m not saying that I couldn’t be a bit more optimistic, but if you’re trapped in a web of loneliness and are the elephant in the room, then it’s harder to relax than one would be under normal circumstances (especially if you don’t have ASD). I didn’t say they were fake nice either, they just sounded like it and that it was possible they really are like that. I admit that it isn’t 100% fair of me to judge at the snap of a finger, but it’s also impossible to relax and go with the flow at the snap of a finger either.

@bjkmom
“What does your therapist say about all this?”

Well, believe it or not, he was in a similar situation his senior year. He had no friends and was randomly placed with the soccer team (three sophomores to be more specific). He connected with two of them as soon as they asked him if he wanted to play video games with him. The other was a jerkass bully to him and even the other two could barely tolerate him. With this in mind, he told me to keep an open-mind towards them; although between his experiences as well as my own, he could understand why it wouldn’t necessarily be easy.

25

Lots of things aren’t easy and jerks have to be somewhere. You are not an elephant. You are a person with interests and something to share and something to learn from others. I 'm sure your made at least a quiet connection with the members in order to become an officer in the History Club. Accept that you are probably reading room/Honors building thing all wrong and decide to respond as though things are as we say they are. Don’t trust that negative, critical voice.

26

Here’s the thing.

I’m hoping that your therapist is the one of the very few people in the world with whom you’re totally honest, even when it hurts. In whom you have complete trust.

He has acknowledged that his advise won’t be easy. That doesn’t make it bad advise. It just means that he’s trusting you as a young adult to do the tough thing when it’s the right thing to do.

Trust his advice.

27

Have you talked to your psychologist, psychiatrist, or doctor about starting an anti-depressant? I have a friend who probably had mild depression and who also felt extremely anxious about social interactions and anxiety in general (and no amount of reassurance made her feel better). After seeing a psychologist and her family doctor and starting anti-depressants (which is one of the first-line treatments for anxiety and OCD-type stuff), the negative thinking went away and so did the anxious, obsessive thoughts. I admit that I was a bit skeptical about the benefits of anti-depressants, but seeing how reduced her negative thinking and anxiety were after she got the right medication, I’ve changed my mind. If you’ve already explored this, ignore my suggestion. However, if you haven’t, you might want to consult with your family doctor and psychologist to see if it might help you feel better and allow you to make more progress with your psychologist during your sessions.