Could I get some feedback-Common app essay on failure---BE BRUTALLY HONEST

You know that feeling when you have successfully recreated a project you saw on Pinterest? Yeah, me neither. Pinterest makes every person believe they have the ability to become a master craftsman or baking aficionado. If you’ve never ventured onto Pinterest, my instinct is to advise you to keep your distance due to the quite likely disappointment you will experience after getting in over your head like most users do. Yet, I will always value this website because it inspired a simple yet failed venture in my life that taught me a lot about passion, curiosity, and resilience—all from the comfort of my very own kitchen.

I was 13 when I discovered Pinterest. I used to scroll through pins of delectable desserts and beg my mother to let me try to make a seven-layer rainbow cake, dark chocolate tiramisu mousse, or bite size key lime pies. Time after time, she would answer my pleas with “You’ll make a mess” or “You’ve never baked anything other than pre-cut sugar cookies”. While both of these statements were quite true, I believed in myself and my capabilities and continued to search for the perfect recipe. Luckily for me, all good things come to those who wait, and my opportunity to test my abilities came when I received the go ahead for my 1st baking challenge—cake balls.

After scavenging through the baking aisle of the grocery store, I returned home with 3 types of cake batter, 4 flavors of icing, and 2 kinds of chocolate. With this assortment, I set myself up to make 24 different types of chocolate covered cake balls. My first obstacle arose after I had baked all three cakes. I was unsure of how to mix together the cake and icing, so my 13 year old self thought it would be best to mix the cake and icing with my hands. After that disaster, I had incredible difficulty getting the mashed together cake balls to stay in sphere form to dip them into chocolate. My final complication was dealing with my parents after they saw the mess and over 90 cake balls spread across baking sheets in my kitchen.

This failure probably doesn’t seem like the typical failure that individuals claim was life changing or helped them grow as a person. You may think that the only ramifications of my baking disaster were the superfluity of cake balls occupying my entire fridge for a month. Yet, this experience resonates with me today because in the hours spent cleaning up my kitchen, I was able to step back, take a deep breath, and think.

****I am going to finish with paragraphs on
1. Getting in over your head
2. Taking risks
3. Resiliency
THANKS

@nd1012016 Ok. Let me get this straight. Are you going to use this baking example and then compare it to life? I am sort of confused. Obviously, the cake ball idea was a disaster, but I dont really understand how it is going to link with the rest of the essay. The essay is not finished, so I guess I cant really comment until I could see how you bring everything together. I could work really well. Feel free to PM me the rest. I also think it is sort of an issue that this happened when you were 13. That’s like 6th or 7th grade.

if there is time to edit and remove , please never place an essay online. Read the warnings pinned to top of forum and suggestions.

OK it seems to be older.

1st para can be completely removed. This is normal. You are just making a preamble that is unnecessary. Also I do not like in this case your reference to the reader as ‘you’ and then not staying in that person.

2nd para is your real opening para and it is fine.

3rd para is too detailed, you do not need to bore the reader.

My advice:

Stop switching between first and second and third person. Pick one.

Don’t spend time overly detailing things the reader will ‘get’ easily.

This is too one dimensional and ‘pat’. I actually have read essays like this. The more successful ones bring in more complex elements. But don’t be discouraged by this. Instead, write and write. If you are really digging deeper, which you really need to to, you could possibly write the baking completely out of it because you find more genuine and meaningful things to say.