Prompt: Is it a disadvantage to pay attention to detail?
Many people believe it’s disadvantages to pay attention to detail. This is understandable considering the fact that sometimes the little details can preclude happiness and increase stress if they’re overwhelming. This is apocryphyl, though. The little details shouldn’t be neglected as they hold the greatest strength and allow for the idiosyncrasies of the human person to be fully comprehended. Several examples from literary works provide illustrations of this.
In Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, the importance of the attention to detail is portrayed through Grete’s care of her transformed brother, Gregor. He is miserable as a monstrous vermin, and the small things his sister does are what alleviate his misery, to a degree. She notices he no longer likes his favorite food and brings him an array of foodstuffs to choose from. Furthermore, she notices his use of an armchair to gaze out the window from his oppressive room and always remembers to set it by the window for him, saving him the ornerous task of trying to clumsily move it himself. Grete’s attention to detail is thus vital to Gregor’s small and intermittent periods of happiness and appreciation.
Another example of the importance of the little details is found in Wilder’s Our Town, as the minutiae of the town’s daily life is painstakingly documented. The play is to be placed in a time capsule in the corner of the new bank, the audience is told by the stage manager, so that a thousand years later someone can open it and read about a quaint little town, Grover’s Corners. Placed among articles like The Constitution, the importance of the common man and his day to day nuances at first seems diminutive, but that is not the case. The true picture of humanity encompasses all of its intricate details, including the idiosyncrasies of a small town in America. Clearly, if the small details are neglected, a large and integral piece of life is lost.
Through the analysis of these literary works, the importance of the little details for a true and comprehensive picture of humanity is shown. Life is incredibly and unfathomably complex, and this shouldn’t be ignored.
I typed it exactly as it was written so there’s definitely grammar/spelling errors in there. (How did I manage to butcher apocryphal as much as I did…?)
Thesis: 6 Succinct, logical, and clear.
Organization: 4 Needs better transitions and 5 paragraphs.
Supporting Details: 5 Strong examples, but you need to relate them to the thesis a little more. In your thesis, you said “idiosyncrasies” which fits with your first example and “greatest strength” which fits with your second example. More directly relate your examples to your thesis.
Grammar: 5 Nothing wrong that I noticed, but you might want to vary the sentence structure a little.
Diction: 6 Impressive at the start but goes down a little. Words such as “apocryphal” actually make the essay more cumbersome, especially in the sentence it’s in. “This is apocryphal, though” sounds like you just wanted to make sure the word was in there. Be careful in the future; others may not be so generous with this score.
@Woandering Thanks for the help again. Do you have any tips on focusing my examples so that they relate to the thesis more? Whenever I’m writing I find that I lose track of the main idea I’m trying to discuss, so I’m thinking of rereading my thesis between each example paragraph.
I wrote this on a copy of the SAT essay form and I filled up both pages so I’m actually quite worried about space. Curse my large handwriting.
And yes “This is apocryphal, though.” actually makes me cringe reading over it. Hopefully during the actual essay I’ll have time to read over it and catch mistakes like that.
If you did fill up the space, you shouldn’t need to worry too much about it. If you’re aiming for a 10, you can definitely do it with 4 paragraphs. If you’re aiming for 12, it’s a little harder but still possible.
Rereading your thesis is not a bad idea. I always do it if I feel like I’m lost. At the end of each paragraph, go back to read the thesis and then read your last sentence. Do they match? And by match I mean they must be parallel. Don’t do hypothetical “if he had done this, then he wouldn’t be in a bad situation”. Instead, “Because he did this, -thesis-.”
Don’t bank on having extra time, although once you practice enough, you almost definitely will have extra time.
@Woandering So a better ending for my first example: “Because Grete was keenly attentive to Gregor’s idiosyncrasies, she had a better understanding of him following his tragic metamorphosis.” Would almost literally restating the thesis be too redundant, or is that the point—to clearly draw a link from the example to the thesis?
I’d give it a 9. There’s a lot of room for improvement in your diction and your example paragraphs do not provide enough analysis. The conclusion, is the best part of the essay - excellent!
^I think you can use a little better analysis in the first paragraph; try to connect the detail to the outcome a little better. You could use more detail in the second example and less retelling of the story. Can I change my grade after rereading the essay? I’d like to now give the essay a 10. (keep in mind that graders may not reread, so first impressions are important)
So using the mock ending for my second paragraph I wrote (“Because Grete…”) I could transition toward my outcome and improve my analysis by synthesizing the overall effect of Grete caring for him (i.e. “These actions result in Grete being the sole member of their family who truly empathizes with Gregor.”)?
And feel free to change your grade, I see no reason why you can’t haha. I heard that the readers only spend ~1 on each essay so I’ll definitely keep that in mind!
Similar question to my analysis one, but for my diction: Obviously the orthological errors (apocryphal… still embarrassed by that and onerous) detract from the overall impression, but am I also lacking in not using more “elevated” words and/or is the writing not fluid because of poor word choice?
You have enough elevated words. The issues are word choice and wordiness. See suggestions for your intro paragraph in brackets below.
Many people believe it’s disadvantages [disadvantageous, or restructure to make it a positive] to pay attention to detail. This is understandable considering [the fact - eliminate] that [sometimes the - eliminate] little details can preclude [diminish] happiness and increase stress [if they’re overwhelming - eliminate]. This [add a word, don’t just use a pronoun here] is apocryphyl, though. The little details shouldn’t be neglected as they hold the greatest strength and allow for the idiosyncrasies of the [human person - redundant, awkward] to be fully comprehended. Several examples from literary works provide illustrations of this.