I’ve discovered something weird about my spending: when I’m making a lot, I lose the desire to buy stuff.
When, like now, I’m earning a modest salary, all I think about is costly stuff.
It’s as if, when I CAN buy it, I discover I don’t really need it/want it.
When I CAN’T buy it easily --“it” being anything from a new car to remodeling the bathroom – “it” suddenly becomes very attractive.
Hanna–I was born this way too.
Fortunately I have some friends who know when to splurge and I’ve followed their lead. I’ve learned to value the experience over the money spent. Sometimes they want to spend much more than I do. I can well afford it. But man! Do we need to spend all that money? For something I’m not sure I want? I’ve backed out if the tag is too high. It’s a game of checks and balances.
So you learn to pick and choose. Ongoing process. It simmers down to “what do I want?”. Simple question that is not simply answered.
The money won’t hurt me–losing out on the experience might in my stage. And my friends are great at providing opportunities to me that I would never have considered on my own.
Having money available is a much more wonderful position to be in than “the experience is great but the cost will definitely hurt me.” Two different animals. If an experience wrecks the security scene I wouldn’t do it.
As you go through financial stages and emotional growth the choices will become clearer and easier.
The “bucket list” in your life will be more apparent. And then you’ll be able to decide where your “free” money goes.
Yes, it has been a process, learning to pay extra for quality and experiences rather than “stuff.” We are at the stage where we are more into quality and experiences and trying to declutter instead of “one more thing.” It does help us sleep well at night, knowing we have enough money to handle minor and larger catastrophes, including balky medical insurers!
We pay ourselves and taxes first, so we don’t have expensive surprises and worry about bills we hadn’t expected. We had a tough time and H literally ate oatmeal and peanut butter sandwiches for decades with no complaints.
Spending is something that folks generally have options on–what to spend and what to save on. Some folks with huge cell and cable bills economize on medications instead. Personally, I prioritize health and medications first, but we are all different.
I am frugal but not stingy. I like to help family and friends when I can. I gave my sister $5,000 last year amid a health scare for her only son. I’ve given friends money to get hotel rooms and to pay for car repairs. Having enough money to do these things and then actually doing them gives me much pleasure.
The Internet did to Journalism what the gasoline engine did to the horse and buggy.
The article was interesting but not surprising. I am a member of my HOA board and at the last meeting, after reviewing our list of delinquent accounts, I made the comment that a lot of people who live in our community cannot afford it. They don’t realize it, but they cannot. The other members looked at me like I’d made a rude noise. Someone said that anyone can be down on their luck for a time and I pointed out there are people who have never paid their monthly dues SINCE THEY MOVED IN. We have >15% in arrears, with countless garnishments, liens, judgements, etc. We get some of our money some of the time, never all of it. We are not an expensive (for the area) community. People always want more than they can afford.
This guy using 401K funds for the wedding goes beyond stupid.
What I find interesting about these discussions is how most parents on CC tend to be very frugal. Why do you suppose that is?
I think the people who like to overspend keep their mouths shut. 
@dstark But are there many over-spenders on CC? I’m not so sure.
I’ll admit it, I’m an overspender!
Early this morning I was going to write my approach lately is carpe diem, but the conversation moved fast and it wasn’t clear it was in good taste 
I just turned 60. If not now, when???
Come on over to the wedding thread. We overspenders hang out there.
Great article. Reinforces my focus on saving and paying off all debt prior to retirement.
S2 is about to graduate and has a decent paying job lined up. But we have requested that he live at home and save funds for 6 months. I want him to have a decent nest egg before renting an apartment.
I had a boss who could have written a variation on this article. Lives is a $2 million house in Bethesda. Dresses very expensively, drives a BMW, sends his 2 kids to private schools, etc. I was so impressed! Then I got to know him and his daily financial struggles. House is mortgaged to the hilt. He was routinely getting pay advances. He could not afford a brake job on his BMW - asked dealer if he could wait on it s few weeks, etc. I felt so sorry for him. What a stressful situation. Truly a keeping up with the Jones quagmire.
I don’t consider myself to be frugal. I’m downright cheap. But I can’t imagine living like so many who post on these threads do. I don’t spend a lot on material things, but experiences are very important to me. Life is too short not to experience it to the fullest. But I find ways to lower the cost of those experiences…coupons, discounts, etc. And I am on track to have a comfortable retirement. It doesn’t need to be all or nothing.
I have a relative who could have been solidly middle class, but chose to keep up with those of us in the family who made more money. She and her ex would ask for help in budgeting and would then ignore the advice. Add in a decision to spend money she didn’t have to divorce, and you end up with bankruptcy. We were all raised the same, and cannot fathom living that way.
I think there is a lot of magical thinking. Things must get better. I am worth more than the bank account says. She gets a new car, so I should get a new car.
Short term gratification, be it a wedding or staying home 24/7 instead of getting a (lucrative) job. When you’re borrowing money from a retired parent in order to keep a roof over your head, you need to go get the job or even pull in a second job.
Then I look at CC and someone who has gone through a Ch7 bankruptcy wants to borrow $25K/year so snowflake can go to an unaffordable school when a decent low cost option is available. We do this to ourselves. Imagine what snowflake learns from this.
My heart bleeds for those who cannot, for very real reasons save $400. The others, not so much.
Remember this article? It drove me crazy.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/17/magazine/17foreclosure-t.html?_r=0
What about fear? Healthy fear about not making your house payments because you stupidly, stupidly, didn’t include required monthly spending in your budgeting for a mortgage?
It’s infuriating. I think we hear about writers in these predicaments because writers write about it. They write about everything. It happens to people without that healthy fear all the time but we hear it from the writers. This man WRITES ABOUT MONEY and I should spend my money buying his books? Listening to his advice?
There’s now a Wikipedia article on the author, Edmund L. Andrews. It includes this:
I have not read all the posts on the thread, but I have noticed the trend the past couple of decade with the marketing pitch for ‘luxury’ items towards middle or even lower-middle or even lower Socio-economic groups. Why all of a sudden do I have to have luxury? Yes, it’s nice to have a $50k car to show you made it. But what about your bank account, rainy day fund? 401k? I’ve heard too many stories of material rich, cash poor people, and I don’t want to live like that. I purposely have lower expectations of my own creature comforts in order to have a better night’s sleep over my finances.
@Gatormama
Thank you. I am a writer and freelance journalist. I work every day, but my income is irregular. My husband is a psychologist in private practice. If you were to look at our annual gross income, it would appear that we are in a top % of US earners. But we pay our own health insurance at $1.4k/month. Same amount for the rent on his office. $2k/month out of current income to pay for college.
All this before we’ve even eaten breakfast.
Here’s a nice response.
http://time.com/money/4307042/im-glad-i-didnt-grow-up-with-money/
@alh,
Happy birthday!