Could you read my first paragraph?

<p>Hey guys, I’ve started my common essay (topic of choice) for Emory/Vanderbilt, and I need some advice. I’m not sure whether I should stick to my topic or not. Would you guys be willing to read my first paragraph and tell me if it works or not? Thanks!</p>

<p>i’ll read it</p>

<p>i’m willing to help too.</p>