<p>A coworker's child was in our oldest child's hs class. Both kids are now freshmen at colleges thousands of miles apart. The coworker and I, as well as the two kids, are casual friends; in other words, sometimes we are invited to the same social gatherings, but we don't generally do things together either one-on-one or in small groups.</p>
<p>I just overheard our younger kid (who is a high school student) telling our older kid that the coworker's son allegedly was arrested over Christmas break for selling drugs at his college. Our younger kid heard this on New Year's Eve from the younger sib of coworker's son's ex-gf. Neither of our kids had heard this info from anyone else. Our older child has not seen this former classmate (the coworker's son) at all over Christmas break. The kid in question has no younger siblings.</p>
<p>The coworker has said nothing about any of this. I have no way of knowing if this is true or not. (The kid had a drug-related suspension in hs.)</p>
<p>My question: Do I just keep my mouth shut, or do I say something to the coworker? If this is not true, someone is badly slandering the coworker's son. If it is true, do you think the coworker would appreciate having someone to talk to about it, or do you think the coworker would rather have people pretend they know nothing?</p>
<p>I would appreciate any input. In the meantime, I am keeping my mouth shut.</p>
<p>Definitely yes. MYOB on this one. If it's true, and he hasn't mentioned it, then you should assume he does not want to talk about it. If it's false, and the rumor does indeed come from an ex-girlfriend, then he probably already knows about it. Basically, I see no good that can come from mentioning it to your co-worker.</p>
<p>I cannot see anything to be gained by talking about it. If the co-worker knows, he is dealing with it, if he does not know, it is not helpful for you to be the one to share it. If it is untrue, then stop the gossip with you.</p>
<p>A close friend's son actually had this happen, he was arrested for selling drugs at his school. He did not tell his parents until he had dealt with the whole thing, all consequences. It was very painful and she has not brought it up in any specific way, nor have I. He has always pushed the rules so anything I would say about this incident for encouragement etc can be said in the generic sense.</p>
<p>I do not recall how I heard, I think it was through other kids, and I believe they went on the state criminal website and looked it up- in at least two states I have found you can look up legal issues by name, we did it once in a roommate fiasco as we had some suspicions. I suppose you could check in your state and if nothing is found tell your kids it is not true???</p>
<p>Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot. Would you want some co-worker talking to you about this -- if you knew about it already or not, if it were true or not? </p>
<p>Sometimes, however, kids try to handle things on their own, and they get into even bigger messes. That being said, allow the parents their dignity....it will make it easier for them to stay professionally functional, and that is the environment in which you encounter a co-worker.</p>
<p>My take: it could be a terrible rumor. I would take the coworker aside and say quietly that you had heard this, you had no idea if it was true, and it wasn't your business in any case, but that you thought he should know that his son was being talked about this way.</p>
<p>Guess it's no longer a rumor; the arrest has been reported by the media.</p>
<p>Is it kindest to continue to say nothing? Or would it be kinder to send a note saying I'm thinking of them and sending some prayers their way? What I'm asking is, would a parent dealing with a heartbreak like this rather have friends pretend nothing is going on, or have them express friendship and empathy?</p>
<p>Now that it has been in the news, you no longer have to worry that the parents don't know about it. But you now have to assume that your co-worker knows that you know about it. I think that you should send the note with words of support, and not bring it up in person.</p>
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we don't generally do things together either one-on-one or in small groups
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<p>In light of the above which is in your OP...I would say do not bring this topic up with your coworker. You are not best friends...you are working associates. If he/she brings the subject up, you can say a small something. If it were me, I would NOT want to discuss this type of situation with my coworkers who are NOT my good friends outside of work.</p>
<p>I am one for suffering in silence. I wouldn't want to discuss anything like this with anyone except with close friends. If I were in your shoes, I would only bring it up if I had some information that could possibly help the situation, otherwise, nothing.</p>
<p>Tough call this second question. You may not be close friends, but i assume you are friendly. I think a note would be appropriate as maybe having a child of about the same age makes you a better ear than someone else who may not understand at all what he/she is going through. And I hate not talking about the elephant in the room.</p>
<p>But if you send the note and don't get much of a response or no response I wouldn't discuss it again with her/him or anyone.</p>
