<p>Nicest act, when my mom died unexpectedly, little time to make funeral arrangements. My friend is the mom of one of son’s friends. She brought a van filled with the worms friends. It made such a difference to the worm, to have friends there. They all knew his Grammy.</p>
<p>When her mother died a few months latter, I brought the worm and other friends to the funeral.</p>
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I was at one of these this summer. First time at a double funeral, first (hopefully only) murder-suicide funeral. It was good that they had both there. The couple had been married 54 years. The unfortunate end didn’t erase the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>Not related to funerals per se, but my bio dad (who I never knew) had remarried after my mom and him divorced in the early 60’s. The new wife had 2 young kids, about 5 and 3, and they had a child together that was an infant. From what I have heard, he came home one day and she had taken the children to the next door neighbors home. She then hung herself in the garage. When he found her, he cut her down, laid her on their bed then shot himself. I was raised by my step father (whom I consider my dad 100%) since age 5, so I don’t have any memory of the earlier life, but still…I have heard that family members on my bio dads side say that it was an act of love. Sick in so many ways.</p>
<p>Many years ago, H volunteered with a church group to see elderly shut-ins. One of H’s “friends” died, so we went to the viewing. We knew the man had a brother who lived only a few blocks away, but they hadn’t spoken in years due to some family feud. Sure enough, the brother showed up at the viewing–just to tell the deceased what a mean old s-o-b he’d always been and how he could burn in h*ll, etc. Only time I’ve heard someone swear at a corpse.</p>
<p>In my parents’ families it is the custom to take photographs of the deceased in the casket with the immediate family gathered around. (This is usually done right before or after the public viewing when only the family is present.) At my aunt’s funeral, my cousin was so impressed with the great job they did on his mom’s makeup (she died of leukemia and apparently her skin looked awful) that he stood on a chair to get a better angle on a close-up of her face. Unfortunately he lost his balance and fell right on top of the body. There was a gasp, then a second of silence–then my cousin burst out laughing and the rest of us did, too.</p>
<p>My m-i-l died suddenly with no funeral plans. Her mentally ill D picked out her dress–she insisted that this was her mom’s favorite dress to wear to work–royal blue with white polka dots. None of her sibs disagreed because they were afraid of upsetting their sister. The night before the funeral, my m-i-l came to me in a dream, asking timidly, “Polka dots? Really?”
I wanted to take photographs as is MY family custom. H asked his sibs if that would be OK and they didn’t object, though they thought it was a bit strange. So, what do people do when they’re having their photo taken? That’s right, they SMILE. I have photos of H’s family, all grinning from ear to ear, while their mother is lying peacefully in her polka-dot dress.</p>
<p>Holy crap Atmom! </p>
<p>I have instructed my daughter to cremate me ASAP. I then want my remains to go on vacations with her all over the world. I told her I would envision a spoonfull of me in a snack baggie going to Figi, Hawaii, Europe etc. would make me happy. She’s not so much on board with this plan. Hopefully I have a few years to convince her. :)</p>
<p>GA2012MOM, that’s (#43) quite a “legacy”. I had a coworker who’s perents did that murder suicide thing. #45 reminds me of “flat Stanley”, or something like that. That 3rd grade thing where people take a paper doll of you on trips. I like that.</p>
<p>Hey, at least I’ll get to visit all these places. A little spoonfull here, another there…</p>
<p>I was at one of these this summer. First time at a double funeral, first (hopefully only) murder-suicide funeral. It was good that they had both there. The couple had been married 54 years. The unfortunate end didn’t erase the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>Unless the murderer had recently become mentally ill or had become so senile that he didn’t know what he was doing, I would not have them both at the funeral. It would be a gross disrespect to the victim and the victim’s relatives. </p>
<p>Unless there were such mitigating circumstances, then the murder was likely insight into the private hell the other spouse endured during the “rest of their lives.”</p>
<p>When my brother-in-law died a couple of years ago very unexpectedly in his late 50s, my sister arranged to have the wake with a closed coffin as was his wish. When she arrived at the funeral home, she collapsed from shock when she found that her MIL had had the casket opened. Same BIL: he was a lifelong, psycho Yankee fan. Everyone believed that he held on until the Yankees had won the world series that year. He was buried the morning of the parade and one of his relatives went all over the Bronx getting World Series champions flags, one for the one coffin and for every car in the procession. My BIL would have appreciated it.</p>
<p>When my FIL died, my D was 9 and it was her first wake. She was truly and sincerely traumatized to see a man walk into the room who she thought was the dead man. Unbeknownst to all of us, FIL had a brother who looked EXACTLY like him. It was creepy and a half.</p>
<p>
In this case there were circumstances, about which people had varying emotions, but the family members did not feel that it was disrespectful to have them both there together. It seems unwise to judge these situations unless one is directly party to it.</p>
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You might be the target market for the company that makes some kind of jewel or crystal from cremated remains.</p>
<p>When my mom died, her brothers and their families flew to London (where we live) from the US for the funeral. We were sitting around my house on the night they arrived and NOT ONLY did none of them even so much as mention my mom, they had the nerve to complain that they had had, and I quote, “the worst day ever”, because their flight had been delayed by an hour.</p>
<p>REALLY? My mother just died and you expect me to feel even the slightest bit sorry for you because you had a minor travel inconvenience? Wow…</p>
<p>Oh, and also, I was telling my cousin how I’d been having a lot of trouble sleeping, and she said “oh, yeah, me too, I was in New York and stayed up all night for like 4 days so my sleeping pattern is all screwed up”…oh…poor you…</p>
<p>Any other fans of “Six Feet Under”?</p>
<p>I figure people in grief aren’t always the most tactful, but sometimes you get the feeling that the tactlessness was premeditated. At one family funeral, the deceased’s daughter talked about all of her mother’s shortcomings and about how the daughter–a grown woman–was now able to forgive her mom. Okay, her mom was certainly difficult, but sorry, you don’t get to use someone else’s funeral as your personal therapy session.</p>
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<p>Jewish tradition is that you have the funeral as soon as possible, ideally within 24 hours. Stretching out to two days after to accomodate travellers feels pretty relaxed, in comparison:) though it’s anything but when you’re frantically checking Kayak for last-minute flights. :(</p>
<p>This is actually a SWEET story . . .</p>
<p>At my daughters funeral in the greater Boston area earlier this year everyone was understandably somber and down (she died at 23.) </p>
<p>I was barely able to listen as the priest was talking about my kid, but my internal warning system went off Big Time when he started talking about how not too many people know this, but she had a conversion experience just a short time ago.</p>
<p>My mind started whirling . . . she was raised Catholic . . . had never been very religious . . . was she seeing the priest on the side? Did she secretly convert? Was she born again? My emotions were starting to run away with me.</p>
<p>The priest continued: The conversion experience was a welcome surprise to those of us that knew her . . . after years on the other side she finally became a Red Sox fan. Laughter ensured, with audible relief from us in the family pew.</p>
<p>Wed forgotten telling the priest that that this Boston area kid who loved baseball and who had oppositionally rooted for the Yankees for years had finally joined the family team a few years back. He gave us a welcome humorous moment in an otherwise awful day.</p>
<p>Kei-o-Lei, I am so very, very sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>Kei-o-lei,</p>
<p>So sorry for your loss. Glad you can smile in the face of sadness.</p>
<p>My mom was dying and on palliative care just before a relatives scheduled bat-mitzvah. My uncle (mom’s brother) wanted me to make a reservation with the funeral home so he could make the funeral and the Bat Mitzvah :eek: Well, out of courtesy I called the funeral home to see how they handled impending losses. I think they thought I was nuts.</p>
<p>Oh, and when my dad died, this same uncle and his wife couldnt be bothered to come to the funeral. One of their kids is the one who also blew off the funeral but called to ask “what was for dinner”, called for my DH to pick them up at the train station when we had a house full of people after the funeral (DH did it, I was peeved) and his wife was the one who miraculously claimed to collect some silver items that my mom had and put me on the spot, asking if she could have it. Maybe this belongs in the “S&*T my relatives say” thread.</p>
<p>I was 12 when my maternal grandpa died. It was my first funeral. He was a good grandpa, but an alcoholic abuser as a husband and father. He had a heart attack and fell dead off a barstool at 52. At the funeral, one of his sons said, “Someone should have shot the ■■■■■■■ years ago.” Whoa…</p>
<p>Saddest thing I’ve ever seen was at the funeral of the other grandpa. My grandma had advanced Alzheimer’s at that time–wheelchair, diapers, no speech, didn’t recognize anyone. They wheeled her up to the casket and she looked and started crying. It was very gut wrenching. The sad thing when older people die (they were 91 and 92) is that none of their friends are at the funeral, because they’ve all already died.</p>
<p>I will share a personal story that is related to the thread’s purpose, though maybe not directly on point.</p>
<p>My father died of cancer when I was 22, and the funeral was set in the small farming community where he had grown up. When I was at the visitation, an elderly gentleman approached me and asked me if I was a son of the deceased. After I answered in the affirmative, he proceeded to tell me that he was not only a cousin of my father, but was the same age and had gone to the same small school with him, a school made up almost entirely of first generation children, from 1st through 8th grade. He then told me stories of all the pranks they had played and all the trouble they had gotten into as schoolboys so many decades earlier. My father had never talked much of his youth with us, so it was all news to me. The experience lifted my spirits and gave me a quite different interpretation of the entire event.</p>
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<p>(Post #49)</p>
<p>Excuse me? None of you had ever ever met this brother before?? Or even heard of this brother before?</p>
<p>zoos, I think your family deserves a prize. </p>
<p>Or maybe you do.</p>
<p>Not long ago, I went to a memorial service that was great fun – and the deceased would have been very pleased to have people say that. He was well known in his industry for 50 years, so countless former colleagues, employees, and clients showed up. It was like a high school reunion for hundreds of us who had worked for/with him. The event was at the Ritz-Carlton, but the menu featured all of his favorite treats: hot dogs, fries, little glass bottles of Coca-cola, Hershey bars, etc.</p>