<p>proceeded to tell me that he was not only a cousin of my father, but was the same age and had gone to the same small school with him, a school made up almost entirely of first generation children, from 1st through 8th grade. He then told me stories of all the pranks they had played and all the trouble they had gotten into as schoolboys so many decades earlier. My father had never talked much of his youth with us, so it was all news to me. The experience lifted my spirits and gave me a quite different interpretation of the entire event. >>>>>>>>>></p>
<p>GA/Shrink–have you seen the movie “The Road” (2011) with Martin Sheen and his son Emilio Estevez? Sort of like what you mentioned. (He sprinkles his son’s ashes along a pilgrimage route.) It’s a touching story.
Also, I recommend another movie about death/funeral rituals-- “Departures” (Japanese).</p>
<p>Kei-o-lei, I’m so sorry about your daughter. Your story inspired me to share this:
A few years ago, I had a stillborn son. We asked our children if they wanted to see him–only one of them (then 7 yo daughter) did. She went home and told everyone he was “cute.” She asked if we could bring him home so she could play with him and dress him up in her doll clothes (!) I said, “No, honey, he’s dead. . .he’ll get rotten.” Then she said, "Mom, I know. . .we can put him in a big pickle jar and keep it in the refrigerator. . .That will keep him FRESH! I almost couldn’t help laughing through my tears–I was so amused and horrified at the same time. “No, honey, that wouldn’t work. We have to bury him.” Then she said, “OK mom. I know he’s dead and everything. But can we still have BIRTHDAY CAKE?” “Yes, honey. We can still have cake.”</p>
We knew he had the brother and my husband had known him growing up, but he lived in Florida after retirement so my kids and I had never met him. What we didn’t know was that as they got to be elderly, the two brothers who had always looked like brothers, grew to look like the same person.</p>
<p>*Stretching out to two days after to accomodate travellers feels pretty relaxed, in comparison though it’s anything but when you’re frantically checking Kayak for last-minute flights. *</p>
<p>Yes, one of the issues was flight availabilty and yes, even cost. those who don’t live near major metro areas found it hard to get flights. One drove 4 hours to another larger city to get a flght. And one paid a ridiculous amount for their flight. </p>
<p>With family and close friends spread out all over the country (and sometimes in other countries), trying to pull it all together in a couple of days can be impossible. </p>
<p>As for odd things that are said to people…</p>
<p>When my mom had her last stroke that led to her death, I flew out the next morning. My sibs and I sat by mom’s side for a week while she died (she was unconsious, but visibly dying). Then we had to put together the funeral. After I returned home, I commented to someone that that was the “worst two weeks of my life”, and the person then said that the previous two weeks had been their worst week as well, and then told me about some VERY minor inconveniences. Right…those really compare to watching one’s mother die and then burying her. :(</p>
<p>Ok…this was very odd…</p>
<p>Several days after the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster, the phone rang and it was MIL. She told us that her dad had died the day of the disaster, they had the funeral, and now she was calling us to tell us that grandpa had died. Odd, very odd. Didn’t even give us a chance to go to the funeral.</p>
<p>Anyone know if there’s a need for bodies for research? There’s a way in PA to have our desire to have organs harvested to be recorded on the drivers license, but the PennDOT lady wasn’t aware if I could specify that my whole body could be shipped off for research or to a med school. My coworkers commented that could believe I would have a problem giving my body away while living, but didn’t expect that to carry over after I logged off. </p>
<p>If I were to head out the way my dad/g’dad and a few others went, and had some idea of the impending death, I would really love to have a funeral and (mutual) “viewing” in the last few weeks, and make the actual death a non-event and have the hospital just move the body to the formalin tank. Perhaps even write a few notes to med student - hey kiddo, check out my prostate - had to have it roto-rootered, or see if the digestive tract looks different - seasoned it with Tabasco and Jalapenos practically every meal for decades, had hepatitis in 6th grade - see if my liver shows any signs, etc.</p>
<p>I went to a funeral for an aunt 30 years ago where the officiant thought the woman’s last name from a previous marriage was her nickname and kept referring to her by that name.</p>
<p>My dad was career military, but died more than a dozen years after he retired. He chose not to be buried in a military cemetery, but wanted to have a military honor guard at his funeral–it folds a flag, drapes it over his casket, plays taps, etc.</p>
<p>My dad died a few days before Christmas. Funeral was on Christmas Eve. Just imagine the sort of person who can’t get leave at Christmas time, but is also so non-essential that he can go off to a funeral 2-3 hours from the base by car. The honor guard was hilariously bad. They couldn’t march in step. I swear someone taught the bugler how to play taps 15 minutes before the funeral; the tune was barely recognizable.</p>
<p>We cracked up laughing…at a very sad time. All of us were imagining what my dad would have said if he had been there to witness this incompetence.</p>
<p>I live down the block from the main cemetery in our town, which includes a Revolutionary War cemetery and a veterans cemetery. There have been times when I’ve wanted to cross the street during a funeral procession and I’ve waited five to ten minutes for all the cars to pass. We see so many that whenever my sister used to see one she would screech, “Look at the dead limo!”
Jews don’t do wakes, as someone mentioned before— we bury as soon as possible, preferably within 24 hours (even if it means a child will miss the funeral, sometimes). But after the funeral there is a weeklong mourning period, called shivah, when people come to visit the grieving family. I’ve been to a few, but the most memorable one was the one when I went with classmates as part of an organized trip from school to visit another classmate whose brother had passed away. A teacher drove us, and we were supposed to stay for twenty minutes and then be picked up.
We were there for THREE HOURS. The person who was supposed to pick us up had forgotten about us, and in the end the principal took us back. In the meantime, we discussed the car crash which had killed another girl’s sister, we played Go Fish, we ate black-and-white cookies, and we studied for a social studies test. It was very fun, actually. Then again, I was in fourth grade.</p>
<p>Dad<em>of</em>3,
Each state has an anatomy board to receive gifted bodies for research.
The following is the link for PA: [Instructions:</a> Humanity Gifts Registry](<a href=“http://hgrpa.com/]Instructions:”>http://hgrpa.com/)</p>
<p>A close relative was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant with her second child. She lived for around 18 months after the birth of her son. It was a horrible time for everyone in the family, and her close friends. It was devastating. Her best friend was particularly affected - but so much so, the wake and funeral seemed to become mostly about her grieving, and no one else. There was extraordinary melodrama by this woman at the wake…so much, we began calling the woman, ‘jump-in-the-coffin-Joanie’…almost needed to have her forcibly escorted away from the coffin so that my relative’s husband could spend a few moments alone with her before he would never see her again. </p>
<p>Anyway, before the wake began, Joanie visited my relative in the funeral home by herself. She did not like what my relative was wearing, so brought a change of clothing and had the funeral home employees change her into a different outfit. Thankfully, my relative’s mother arrived and saw what had happened and had them change her back into what they had requested she wear. I could not believe the funeral home would honor the wishes of someone who had just walked in there with a change of clothes!</p>
<p>pumpkin65, That sounds outrageous that funeral home employees would even think of changing clothing at the direction of a deceased person’s friend. I would hope that a funeral home could be reported to a licensing board for doing something like that. That is truly bizarre and frightening that it could even get as far as it did.</p>
<p>jonri–my uncle was a WWII navy vet. He was about 80 when he died. One sailor (I guess that was the honor guard) came to the cemetery. He brought a small tape recorder, put it on the ground, pressed a button and “played taps.” (He did fold the flag very nicely and handed it to my aunt. . .)</p>
<p>Another story: when my friend was about 11, her best friend’s mom died of cancer. My friend stayed at the funeral home to keep the girl company since the family had to be there for hours. The girls were running around the funeral home, visiting other parlors, playing hide-and-seek, eating snacks–even got in trouble for having a water fight in the bathroom. When it was time for her to leave, my friend said to her friend and her friend’s dad, “This was so much fun–I had the best time ever! Thank you so much for inviting me!”</p>
<p>HC–I don’t think anyone can top Ryan O’Neal hitting on his own daughter (didn’t recognize Tatum at first?) at Farrah’s funeral.</p>
<p>Kei-o-lei–your sad news stopped me cold reading this thread. i am so, so sorry to hear of your loss, and will keep you close in my thoughts. Your post showed such powerful strength; I am so moved by it. I wish all possible peace to you and your family.</p>
<p>At my father’s funeral there was a private visitation for the family before the general visitation. During this time my niece who was 3 at the time fell asleep on a couch at the back of the room. After we finished our goodbyes to my Dad we were waiting for the funeral director to open the doors for friends, etc and we had all gathered around the couch where my niece was sleeping. I do not know what got into me, but I looked at her and said “She looks just like she’s sleeping.” My entire family bust out laughing just as they opened the doors, so the first thing all my father’s friends heard was all of us laughing hysterically. Flash forward 23 years to my mother’s funeral. Same funeral home, same room. After the private visitation, we again were waiting for the doors to open when I noticed my sister whispering to my niece, who started to laugh, but walked over to the coach and laid down. My entire family gathered around, laughing and I looked down at her and said “Yep, she still looks just like she is sleeping.” So once again everyone walked into the visitation to my entire family laughing.</p>
<p>The night after my mother’s funeral just the immediate family went out to dinner together to a really nice restaurant (dinner for the 11 of us ran over $2000). The place had an extensive cocktail menu, and numerous craft beers on tap. Before dinner samples of beer and cocktails went up and down the table, wine and champagne flowed throughout dinner. We all ordered dessert and since it was my brother-in-law’s birthday we sang Happy Birthday and then the birthday dirge. Then we started singing all the songs that my parents always sang in the car. All of sudden a very elegant older lady appeared at the table and asked us in a very commanding voice " Who are you people and why are you having such a good time?" My little sister threw her hands up in the air and annouced “we just buried our mother.” We all just laughed. My mother would have LOVED it.</p>