<p>Mominva, thanks so much for the link. My attempts many years ago hadn’t yielded any results. This is exactly what I was looking for.</p>
<p>
The military has a severe shortage of buglers–so much so that they’ve created fake bugles that play digitally recorded calls. There was one of these at my dad’s funeral–and I must say, it sounded very good, and I doubt if most people there knew it was fake.</p>
<p>My mom went to the wake of a good friend, and wound up dating the widower. At a certain age, I guess wakes can be a great place to meet men!</p>
<p>I have known two widows that ended up marrying friends of their dead spouses. No, there wasn’t any hanky-panky going on prior. lol Both of the new marriages have lasted a long time (both are still on-going).</p>
<p>I think the fact that the new H’s were good friends with the dead H’s made it easier for them to like/love their new stepchildren. Just a hunch.</p>
<p>
From observing some similar situations, I think what helps is if the new stepchildren like them–easier if they already know the person.</p>
<p>My grandfather died over 20 years ago at age 94. His standing request was that we have a true Irish wake. All I remember was doing shots with my 1st cousins in the kitchen. (that was the last time I did shots)</p>
<p>This story belongs to a good friend with a crazy sister. At their father’s funeral, the sister delivered the eulogy…while breastfeeding…her six-year-old son.</p>
<p>Zmom, Jym,elle,mom2,veryh, atom, seve and gar: thnx for the good wishes</p>
<p>Atomom thank you for sharing that story! My mom lost a child and I still have an affinity for him tho i never knew him. Perhaps in the spirit world or something…kids seem to know that we are not the body or something… Kei o lei amazing how the smile can come in the midst of terrible sorrow, eh?? Odd thing life…</p>
<p>Kei-o-Lei, so sorry about the loss of your child.</p>
<p>In HI, funerals are often open casket. My relative died at the end of March. We had one memorial service for her in SF in May and the open casket one in Honolulu in July! They embalmed her so she looked amazingly good, the way we remembered her rather than when cancer was making her life miserable.</p>
<p>Our neighbor had a very nice funeral for her H & had the entire event videotaped. She watches it periodically & we can hear the entertainers who performed at the event sing when she plays it.</p>
<p>At our funerals, it is not uncommon to have some laughter and happy reminices during the meal which follows the services. There are many different customs because we have so many different cultures in HI.</p>
<p>A friend donated her H’s body to the medical school. When they are done with it, they will cremate it and give her the cremains. Her H was a MD and would have loved doing more to help further medical education. She had a nice memorial service, with a bugler and the folded flag.</p>
<p>Thanks, Hug. (I thought after I posted, it was probably tmi, or grossed people out. Sorry about that.)</p>
<p>HImom–I used to live in Honolulu, and visited a few cemeteries there. I noticed that people would sometimes leave “offerings” on graves. I assumed it was something the deceased had enjoyed when they were alive–can of beer, bag of McDonald’s food, candy, etc.</p>
<p>Actually, there are a lot of Chinese people who regularly go to the cemetary in Mar/April to leave particular food offerings (fish, pork, tofu, rice, vegetables), tea, scotch, and incense, as well as burn offerings (folded “ingots” and some fireworks sometimes). It is a taoist tradition and practiced in HI, even tho the decendants performing the rituals are often Christian but wish to respect their deceased relatives. Even in China, often these rituals are often NOT practiced but they are fairly common in HI. H has already told the kids that he wants the traditional taoist services and rituals observed but I have told them I want to donate my body & cremate the remains–if he survives me, whatever brings him comfort is fine with me & I will honor his wishes for his rituals.</p>
<p>When my father passed away a few years ago, he had made it clear to everyone that he did not want a funeral, memorial service, remembrance or anything of the like. He wanted to be cremated and then buried with my mother when she passes. When the day came that he passed, my brother and I asked my mother what we could do and she asked us to call all of the relatives and let them know what happened and that there would not be a funeral. </p>
<p>One of my aunts (father’s SIL) was adamant that we should have a funeral irregardless of what our father wanted.</p>
<p>Aunt: When is the funeral?
Me: Dad did not want one and we are honoring his wishes</p>
<p>Aunt: Well, when is the memorial?
Me: Dad did not want one and we are honoring his wishes</p>
<p>Aunt: When is the church service?
Me: Dad did not want one and we are honoring his wishes</p>
<p>Aunt: But you are going to have one anyway, right?
Me: No</p>
<p>And she kept on and on about how we owe it to the family, etc. I finally had enough and told her (to my mother’s dismay) what my father had really said. </p>
<p>Me to Aunt: Dad said’ Those SOB’s (other family members) never came to see me when I was sick, why in the hell would I want them to see me when I am dead?’</p>
<p>Aunt: Well that was rude of him to say that.</p>
<p>Needless to say, we have not heard from them since my father died.</p>
<p>*This story belongs to a good friend with a crazy sister. At their father’s funeral, the sister delivered the eulogy…while breastfeeding…her six-year-old son.
*</p>
<p>Oh my…this beats that nut on the cover of Time mag!</p>
<p>Wow, there are sure a lot of interesting things that happen at funerals and surrounding death and dying. Interesting that the 6-year-old son wasn’t self-conscious, nor the mom.</p>
<p>Thinking back, this must have seemed very odd to some observing from afar.</p>
<p>During my 84 year old uncle’s all-day-all-night Wake, naturally conversations ran the gamut. While standing by his open casket, I leaned closely over his face and commented how he didn’t have any wrinkles. My dad and siblings began pointing at his face, and then to my dad’s face (his brother), who also had no wrinkles. Then we began examining each other’s faces for potential wrinkles. </p>
<p>BTW…when dad died at age 90…still no wrinkles…not even crow’s feet. </p>
<p>(kind of spooky to think of people looking over your face while you’re dead.)</p>
<p>Wow, your family could be models for those famous “anti-wrinkle” cures. </p>
<p>LOL! 
(Just learned about adding the - sign for a nose.)</p>
<p>Kei o Lei and Atomom, Hugs to you.</p>