i wrote this essay and it needs editing, but i want to know if i should bother putting further work into it. Its for UC essay #1 asking about how you have taken advantge of educational opperntuinitys. I probably wont send it but i want to see what other people think of it.
<pre><code>I have prepared for college by taking all the science classes available to me. This is caused by an effect I call the science sponge effect, which occurs when I am put in an environment where science information floats around like free radicals. In a normal situation I would absorb, through osmosis, enough science so there would be an equal density inside and outside my human cell. In my body however works more like a sponge sucking up as much science as it can hold in its pores. Also my body tends to be attracted to areas of high science concentration; hence I have taken all the AP science courses available at my school. The use in absorbing the excess science is the ability for me to use it to solve everyday problems. Also I can find a way of doing something amazing that no other person has done before, many would call this research. Although with the good amount of science available in High School, it still isnt enough to do any ground breaking research. In the future I would like to have science levels high enough to possible convert it into research. My scientific preparation has prepared me for the challenges of university level science.
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<p>I thought the sponge thing was creative…but the UC people read these apps really quickly so the simpler it is the better it will be. The points you make are all good and fit the question, so if I was you I’d lose the sponge metaphor and elaborate more on what you touched breifly (for example, what kind of research? How does it relate to what you’re interested in pursuing as a career?)</p>
<p>just my 2 cents…hope I was of some help…good luck!</p>
<p>I have to agree, although somewhat clever, it’s borderline cutsey and for schools with massive amounts of ap’s to read, I’d think they would appreciate something they don’t have to decipher. It’s a hard call though, you may be on the right track.</p>
<p>creative is good, but we hardly learn anything about you - other than that you compare yourself to a sponge. not sure if that’s the effect you’re trying to create.</p>
<p>I have prepared for college by taking all the science classes available to me.
hence I have taken all the AP science courses available at my school
^^ Essay is kind of redundant, though i like what you’re trying to convey</p>
<p>“I would absorb, through osmosis, enough science so there would be an equal density inside and outside my human cell”</p>
<p>Just, as a side note, osmosis is only between water and a semi-permeable membrane. Osmosis is a type of diffusion which occurs between anything and a semi-permeable membrane. I’m not sure that the adcoms would notice this, but as a potential bio major, it bothered me, lol. In addition, it’s kind of confusing. Does this mean you’re going to stop when you learn about half of what there is in ‘science’? If you learn more, will you expell some information so as to retain equilibrium?</p>
<p>i dont know if by using these science terms will help u. it kinda makes it sound weird and they might think u are just using these terms in everyday life when they cant be applied in such a way. u might want to rethink that</p>
<p>on the other hand shrek, it could be seen as a clever analogy - the subject of the essay is science classes, and socalnick compares learning science to a scientific process: osmosis! but then again, i’m a “lit”, and maybe the adcom won’t be… risky indeed.</p>
