<p>When I die, I want to be cremated. I don’t want to take up space on this Earth after I am gone, and I don’t want to give any more money to the funeral business than is necessary. I assumed that’s how everyone who is cremated feels.</p>
<p>Today I am talking to my mom, and she tells me her brother wants to be cremated. Then she starts talking about how after that, they would bury him next to their parents. I totally didn’t get that but didn’t want to get into it with her.</p>
<p>Can someone explain to me the thinking behind being cremated and then burying the ashes? Why not just bury the body? I don’t want to get into a discussion about religion or the merits or lack thereof of cremation. I am just curious about what, to me, seems redundant – both cremation and a burial.</p>
<p>Not that I’m any kind of expert, but there are legal considerations when burying a body. You can’t just bury one anywhere. With cremation, family can do what they wish with the ashes, since I guess it isn’t a health risk or breaking the law. The idea of burying your uncle with his parents is to have a resting place for him that is connected to family, rather than having his ashes be kept by various people over the years, who could move, and they could end up anywhere. Burial next to family would be a permanent home for them.</p>
<p>Religions have various rules and rituals for how to care for the deceased, but what is common to all of them is comforting the grieving family, holding the loved ones in memory, and since the deceased are gone from this earth forever, a symbol of putting their remains to rest forever. This could be the reasons for your mother’s wish to bury her brother. Some people hold a ceremony and scatter the ashes at a marking place- a tree, a lake, the sea. If something isn’t done with the remains, then the idea of passing them on indefinitely to the next generation, not knowing what would happen to them is unsettling. </p>
<p>The one thing I can think of is that sometimes space is an issue - they may only have a certain plot, and if they want the entire family buried there, they may not have enough room.</p>
<p>Part of my mother’s ashes are buried with part of my father’s ashes, under a shared marker. She wanted a place where we could visit “and leave me some red roses while you’re there.” The rest of the ashes were scattered. A plot and marker for ashes are considerably less costly than a full burial.</p>
<p>My grandmother was cremated and buried in a decorative , small urn. She was buried in a family plot that was purchased many many years ago.
I feel the same way you do about taking up space and giving more money to a funeral home than necessary. The idea of having the most elaborate piece of furniture of my life , only to place it in the ground just doesn’t sit well with me.</p>
<p>Hunt, they definitely haven’t paid for a plot. This uncle seems almost destitute (he has a car but almost no other resources), and it was suggested previously that the surviving brothers and sisters would pay for his burial. That seemed to make sense until I learned that he wanted to be cremated. Maybe he doesn’t even want a burial. I’m hoping my dh will get my mom to see her brother next week, and they can just ask about his wishes. I think the burial thing might be a mom thing and not an uncle thing.</p>
<p>This particular brother is kind of estranged from the family, and my mother is the only one with whom he speaks, but even their conversation is sparse. This has all come about because my mom received a call from a man who my uncle has put in charge of his estate, such as it is, who told her my uncle is dying of cancer, but my uncle is not telling his family. That’s his business, I suppose. Anyway, like I said, it’s the cremation plus burial thing that I am wondering about.</p>
<p>I am pretty sure, though, you can’t just put ashes wherever you want. My ex-MIL told me a story about a family who took their dad’s ashes out “secretly” in a boat to dump them in the ocean bc he loved the ocean, except all the ashes just got smacked back up against the boat by the waves and stuck there. </p>
<p>There’s a lot of emotions around death and dying - I wouldn’t assume there are logical answers. That said presumably burying a box of ashes takes up a lot less space than a big casket and would cost less. Ashes, body, I don’t see much difference in terms of where they get buried except that the state as more rules for one than the other for sanitary reasons. If people (Mom or Uncle what does it matter?) like the idea of their ashes being close to a loved one through eternity why not give it to them?</p>
<p>There is no one set of rules about what you can do with ashes, different regions may have different rules. For sea burials I found this “Burial at sea of human remains that are not cremated shall take place at least 3 nautical miles from land and in water at least 600 feet deep,” but with the added caveat that some places (parts of Florida, the Mississippi among others) require even deeper water.</p>
<p>I want to be given to the anatomy lab at a med school and then what’s left of me can be cremated. Or if I have organs in good shape they can harvest all that stuff first.</p>
<p>I have 3 experiences of cremation, then burial in my family. It all makes sense to me.
First case was uncle, someone likeYDS’s who was estranged from the family and left with nothing. His kids buried his ashes in his twin brother’w (died as an adolescent) plot. Then they made a small stone so that both are marked in one place. </p>
<p>My mom’s cousin drank herself to death (literally). We made awful jokes about how the cremation went (sorry to offend anyone, we are not a very reverent bunch). She had a whole plot next to her grandparents (on the other side from mine–mine grandparents not mine grave). and I assume she has a headstone.</p>
<p>The third one was my aunt and uncle. Cousin is an only child of sorts, she has 2 1/2 sisters but they were 20’s when she was born. My uncle died and aunt kept his ashes in an urn in her house. They had been married 62 years so hard to let him go I guess. But when she passed, my cousin made a beautiful ceramic urn to hold both their ashes and buried them in a single plot with a single headstone. That internment was a beautiful quiet ceremony with just a very few of the family and close friends present. </p>
<p>My Mom, who is elderly, doesn’t want to be cremated, my dad does. I think the bury beautiful furniture is a big waste, too and want to find out about casket rentals. seriously. </p>
<p>As a person interested in geneology, I get the bury something or put up a headstone even over no body so that people can find and remember you in the future. </p>
<p>I am with mathmom on my remains. I won’t care then because funerals and remains are the care of and help for the living left behind. Hopefully something helps them at that point . For my relatives, I think it did.</p>
<p>Mom died first and was cremated .Her ashes were put in a decorative urn and placed in small showcase box in mausoleum with a name plate birth and death dates. </p>
<p>Dad died and was cremated. As previously agreed upon we took moms urn down, opened it, put in dads ashes and shook the heck out of it (it was surprisingly heavy). As instructed we took their wedding rings ( not engagement ring), tied them together and placed them in with the ashes. Dads name and info was added to the plate and the urn was returned to its spot. It was in a wall of small cubbies with plexiglass so you could see it. </p>
<p>I have been back to see it once ever. I suppose its nice knowing that it is there. All their relatives are buried in the same cemetery.</p>
<p>We had a small church service for both with their picture set up next to the minister as he spoke. That was nice. </p>
<p>aside: My dads horrible, horrible second wife of 1 year total told me at his deathbed ( just to try and hurt me) when she dies she is going to have her ashes placed in there too because my dad said it was okay ( he didn’t). Of course this wont happen but what a B<em>^&%</em>(.</p>
<p>After my dad died we had a huge celebration party of their life together( drinks and finger foods) with lots of copies of pictures of him and my mom and friends and relatives spread out on the tables. We also made a nice tape of all the pictures and played it on a monitor. It was awesome. </p>
<p>and No, the evil step mother knew nothing about it…</p>
<p>I will be cremated but haven’t thought much more about it…</p>
<p>I had a cemetery client a while back. Buying a plot to bury ashes in is much cheaper than buying a burial plot. And the cost to inter is also much cheaper so many people may choose cremation just on price. </p>
<p>My DH wants to be cremated because he doesn’t like the idea of (sorry) decomposing in a casket. The ecological benefits are important but not his primary reason. </p>
<p>Yes. He was a widower and got taken for a ride by this horrible woman and her family. He and my mom were married for 48 years or so. He was 77 when he got remarried to a woman he had just met. Men…</p>
<p>no doubt my mom is still giving him an earful…no peace for him… hahahahahahah</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay…not sure what I want done with my ashes. One one hand I am absolutely in love with the Oregon forest trial pictured in my avatar and if it were all about me…that is where I’d go for eternity. But, as it is really “for” those left behind I guess I’d let them decide if burial or mantle better suits. </p>
<p>The cost of a funeral in the Northeast is ridiculous. Just cremate me, have a memorial Mass, then a nice party! I haven’t decided where I want my ashes to be spread, either the Gulf of Mexico or the Green Mountains in VT.</p>
<p>My parents bought a cemetary plot when they buried my grandparents. Fifty years later they died within three months of each other preceded by my brother’s death six weeks before. They were all cremated. We wanted to inter the ashes of all three in the previously purchased plot but the cemetary would not allow it; only two people could be interred. My brother’s ashes are still on a shelf at another brother’s house. By the way, it was not inexpensive to have the grave opened for two sets of ashes. It was $600 per person or $1200. I don’t know how that might compare to a burial.</p>
<p>Wellspring, that’s good information. I wouldn’t think it would be cheap because I’m guessing they’ve sold the plot for a casket and so they can’t reclaim that space after it’s been sold.</p>
<p>EC, that’s what I want – cremation, party, throw my ashes somewhere. Not sure where yet. I have lots of ideas.</p>