<p>The portion of my aunt’s ashes to be buried in my hometown sat on a table in my parent’s kitchen in a tupperware container with a red top for quite a while until my mom burst out at my dad one day, 'Would you PLEASE move Aunt Liz out of the kitchen?"</p>
<p>My immediate family is just not big on the whole funeral/burial thing (much to the dismay of my aunt, who disagrees). Mom and Dad prearranged their cremations and did not want funerals. My brother passed away before my parents, so he was cremated and we had a small, non-funeral gathering. Dad didn’t want to have what he called a dog-and-pony show after Mom’s very draining final days, so we had a small gathering of family months later. When Dad passed away, we had an even smaller gathering … just immediate family … because he died just a few days after the extended family was together for a wedding Dad also attended. My brother’s ashes were put in a wooden box etched with a favorite photo of him and given to his daughter. Dad buried Mom’s ashes in her parent’s grave site one evening (she wanted to be with them, but no plot was available). One of my brothers still has Dad’s ashes in his china cabinet (it’s been 1-1/2 years). We haven’t decided where his final resting place should be.</p>
<p>We are an odd family, but it works for us.</p>
<p>Our family doesn’t do funerals either.</p>
<p>Two things I have thought of asking my kids to do with my ashes (I ran across the word “cremains” recently but I can’t bring myself to use it): 1) there is a company that will make an artificial diamond from the ashes, and 2) there is a company that makes what are called “reef blocks” from ashes. Reef blocks are chunks of concrete used to create artificial reefs. I have to admit the idea of becoming a diamond is appealing–but who would want to wear such a thing? The artificial reef idea is more appealing. </p>
<p>That said, I want my ashes to be scattered from the top of a high mountain on a windy day, so I can see all the places I never got to during my life.</p>
<p>I’m curious about families who don’t do funerals. I certainly understand not doing a religious service if you’re not religious. But do you do any type of gathering or any way for friends, neighbors, friends of the deceased’s children etc to pay their respects? I only ask because I find it very comforting to see the outpouring of concern and affection shown at a viewing or calling hour when I have lost somebody. </p>
<p>We did a memorial event for our Dad about a month after he passed away. It took place on my mother’s back porch. All the close relatives came and friends from town. We sang a few songs, each of us kids and one of the cousins shared some thoughts about him. And we had good food. It was a very nice event.</p>
<p>In my brother’s family we had similar events. His mother’s was Quaker style and took place at the Quaker school where she had been a librarian, and his Dad’s was at the synagogue he’d been attending.</p>
<p>We did nothing public. The three surviving children (me and my two brothers) and my mother’s sister went to the cemetary when the ashes were interred. None of us wanted a public event and that was my parents’ wish. </p>
<p>FIL was a Jew. MIL isn’t. When FIL died MIL had him cremated against DH’s wishes. Even though DH isn’t a Jew he knew that his dad would not have wanted to be cremated. MIL now has the ashes. FIL was a Veteran. DH wants to have his Dad’s ashes buried in a Veteran cemetery. MIL doesn’t so she has them sitting in an Urn on a shelf. Of course she doesn’t want to be cremated. Ugh.</p>
<p>“Please dispose of me in the cheapest way possible. I recommend cremation and flushing the ashes down the toilet”</p>
<p>Yikes, that will be one expensive funeral - plumbers’ charges to unclog a plugged pipe can be an arm an a leg! :)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I used to spend summer backpacking in the mountains with a summer field studies course group in late high school and college. One of the teachers from the group died a few years ago, and we had a huge group hike up his favorite 14,000 foot peak to scatter his ashes. Another member of the group died unexpectedly this year (far too young 
), and another hike with his ashes is planned this summer.</p>
<p>Add my family to the list of people who do not do funerals. Mom has always talked about what she wants when she dies, which has always made my hubby uncomfortable. She wants her ashes spread out over the Pacific ocean- not the Atlantic which we live near. go figure. We are also going to take some of her ashes and do a remembrance type thing in glass- here’s a place that has several options. they only require about 1/4 teaspoon of cremains:
<a href=“Friendship Balls Remembrance Creations | Art From Ashes”>https://www.artfromashes.com/friendshipballs.htm</a>
<a href=“http://www.mymemorialglass.com/shop.html”>http://www.mymemorialglass.com/shop.html</a></p>
<p>We never seem to visit the cemetery where our family if interred- granted it is 3,000 miles away; but even when we lived close, we never visited. I think once you are dead, you’re dead (sorry if this sounds harsh). We do remember family that has passed, but do so by talking about things they did or things they taught us.</p>
<p>I’m thinking about having some of mom’s ashes placed in the veterans cemetery with my dad, just in case family down the road is into ancestry- there will be a place with moms name and dates of birth/death.</p>
<p>i do not want to be “viewed”, or embalmed and I want to be buried in a plain wooden casket. Period. All this crap has gotten completely out of hand and made millionaires of funeral directors.</p>
<p>Those are so pretty, Chuckles, but I showed them to my dh and ds2. No way, Jose. :(</p>
<p>I found it educational (although quite a sad event, of course) to select a casket for my brother when he died. My parents were there, and they expressed opinions on different woods and styles. I mentally filed their comments, may be me making the choice for them eventually…</p>
<p>I know that I want to be cremated , but no clue where or if at all I want to be scattered. It is unlawful to dispose of ashes in our waters, and I don’t have any particular place that feels profound enough for anyone to go to that effort. I am looking the at the box of ashes from my beloved dog as I write this. </p>
<p>My grandmother was cremated after her funeral. Either my dad followed her wishes, or chose for himself. to have a viewing and a full open casket funeral. Then she was cremated. I know the cremation part was my grandmother’s wishes. I also know that the casket was rented, dad did not have to buy it. </p>
<p>My grandmother was a widow and her only other child predeceased her, so my dad was making all of the final decisions alone and didn’t really include my sisters and me in his thinking. We had a private graveside service several weeks after the funeral. </p>
<p>My H is a pastor, so he was in charge of a couple of prayers. My H and my dad went to the cemetery in the middle of the night and dug up a small hole near my grandfather, then the whole family went the next day to bury her and fill in the hole. We all said a few words. My eldest niece, the eldest great grandchild, chose that time to announce her engagement to be married. It was a way to remind every one that life goes on.</p>
<p>We are actually religious, so the no-funeral thing is not due to lack of a church. Our close friends and extended family were there to comfort us even in the absence of a funeral. My mom’s final days were difficult. Her friends were always there for her, and they were there for us after she passed. My dad chose not to treat his cancer, and he left this earth on his own terms. We didn’t need comforting, because we knew he was ready to go. Death is not always a terrible thing, although it is certainly always sad to say goodbye to a loved one. My SIL’s nephew committed suicide at 19, and that family absolutely needed a funeral … they did need the comfort of all the people who came. I am not opposed to funerals, but I don’t think they are always necessary.</p>
<p>kelsmom, do you think the presence of the body (whether cremated or in a coffin) adds to the comfort of a funeral? I am not sure. I do know that something is missing since my dad died in April. He donated his remains to a medical school and we didn’t have a funeral. My brother was coming to our city for medical treatment a few weeks later and we thought we would have a memorial service then, but he has not been able to travel. More and more, I know I have to do something. He was very old and has few living contemporaries but he deserves to be memorialized. Maybe we can skype my brother in.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I kinda think these laws are broken A LOT. As long as it isn’t the city drinking water reservoir, I assume cremated remains are fairly well sterilized from the heat.</p>
<p>Reminds me, there is some family story I can’t completely pry out of my dad about his step-sister taking my grandfather’s ashes (my dad’s dad, step-sister’s step dad) up in an small plane and dumping them out without telling anyone else in the family she was going to do it. Not sure of the family dynamics at play there, and maybe I will never know.</p>
<p>@TempeMom My mom had specific instructions for 5 of us. Each of us had a different place to scatter our portion. </p>
<p>My mom was very into meteor showers and other astronomy events like them. When I was a kid she would wake us up in the middle of the night and drive us somewhere without light pollution to try to see meteor showers. In all the times she did that, I never personally saw anything. My assigned place was in northern Michigan along a beach there and my son and I went up there for a few days. The Perseid meteor showers were happening while we were there so we went at 2 am to scatter the ashes and see the meteor showers. We saw so many that night- it was unbelievable. At least one per minute and sometimes more than that. Part of me had to wonder if she didn’t have some hand in making that happen that night. And yes, I do think I will feel like I have “visited” when I go back there, but I “visit” with her all the time in my thoughts and even in my dreams. </p>