<p>One way is to mention some incident (with you in it) with your grandfather that had an impact on you. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. How about he sat you down and told stories about his travels. Or how he personally affected someone (a short incident) but you in it and your reaction.</p>
<p>I agree the first essay is too much about your grandfather and not enough about you. Both need to be more interesting. Just stating facts is not enough. Remember, college essays are a different animal from what you are used to write in school for classwork. Many students stumble here. I’d recommend you buy some college essay books (the one by Harry Bauld comes to mind) and get an idea of how to present yourself.</p>