<p>Like a couple of other posters have said, you need to show, not tell. </p>
<p>For example:</p>
<p>“My grandfather sported a toothy grin as his worn hands nailed the final board, marking the end of construction and the beginning of a new home and new opportunites for the recipent.”</p>
<p>Not:</p>
<p>“My grandfather enjoyed working with Habitat for Humanity. His favorite moment was when the house was completed.” </p>
<p>Talk more about yourself on that one. Give a paragraph or so about your grandfather, then move on to you. Maybe you volunteered together? That could be your transition.</p>
<p>Your research essay definitely shows some potential, but I would open it up with an in-depth description of, say, one of your favorite projects. Instead of saying you love it, say, “I peered into the microscope at the tissue sample, another world within ours coming to life” or something like that. I know nada about science, so I can’t help you there.</p>