Critique my E-mail?

Applying to College
1

Right now I’m thinking of sending an e-mail on MOOC’s and AP exams to Princeton, but it’s subject to change. I might send it to Stanford/Yale, but it all depends on what you guys think.

Dear (whoever I’m sending this to),

I’m sure that you know of the burgeoning trend of “MOOC’s”, or Massive Open Online Courses, as well as the controversy over the merits of certain Advanced Placement Courses, such as Human Geography or Psychology.

I was interested in taking several Advanced Placement courses, including Human Geography, Psychology, Microeconomics, and Macroeconomics. Realizing that two of these courses were not offered at my school, I looked into self-studying them. Then I noticed some courses, including these, had a reputation for being extremely easy. They were being taken to inflate their GPA, not for enjoyment or actual interest.

Frustrated by knowing that these would reflect poorly on me despite my interest, I wondered if I could take an actual college level class on these subjects. Learning about MOOC’s, I found several introductory courses for all of the subjects, offered for free. Could I perhaps take the course online and then take Advances Placement exam, to convey authentic interest and a proficiency in the subject? Would this demonstrate what I intend, and would these online courses provide a substantial substitute for an actual college course? In addition, would the Advanced Placement exam help prove ability in the course? If the courses and exams do not show ability and interest, is there an acceptable replacement that I could do, preferably at little to no cost?

Sincerely,
(Name)

Is the opening on MOOC’s and AP exam controversy too presumptious? Should I write everything out? Can AP and GPA be shortened? Am I rambling about my life story, or is it good? Any grammatical or spelling/punctuation errors? Am I just pelting questions and coming off as annoying/ bad in some way? The more specific you are on pointing out and fixing errors, the easier it will be to correct.

If I send the e-mail and get a reply, I’ll post it on this thread.

If you have any questions on this topic area, just post it and I’ll include that in the e-mail as well.

2

I think you should take out the part about AP courses being taken for its easy and inflationary nature.= (aka the first paragraph) You are generalizing all the students that have taken the course and suggesting that they do not have actual interest in the course. I think it is irrelevant to your core message and could be interpreted in the wrong way.

I think that you should just stick with

  1. You are interested in taking MOOCs and the corresponding AP exam
  2. You are wondering whether it will demonstrate proficiency

I can tell you now though that while colleges do like to see students take initiative outside of the classroom, self-studied APs do not carry a heavy weight in admissions as one may like and should be taken for interest like you said or for credit purposes.

3

I’m lost as to why you want to send this to Princeton (or Yale, etc.)

Don’t take a course to impress colleges; they won’t be impressed anyway. Nor will they be impressed by your self studying. If you have an interest in a subject, take a course. You don’t have to have a course show up on your transcript to demonstrate interest in a subject. Interest can be conveyed via your essays and/or EC’s.

4

@shawnspencer My school allows transferring an external credit onto transcripts, so it won’t be considered a self study. It would be seen as a class taken elsewhere.

I revised it and tried to delete any potentially derogatory remarks about AP’s.

Dear (whoever I’m sending this to),

I’m sure that you know of the burgeoning trend of “MOOC’s”, or Massive Open Online Courses. It also seems to offer similar courses to a few Advanced Placement classes.

I was interested in taking several Advanced Placement courses, including Human Geography, Psychology, Microeconomics, and Macroeconomics. Realizing that two of these courses were not offered at my school, I looked into self-studying them. However, I was worried about how well self-studying would prepare me for the exam and a college-level class. Knowing my school will transfer a credit from an external class, I wondered if I could take an actual college level class on these subjects.

I then learned about MOOC’s, I found several introductory courses for all of the subjects, offered for free. Could I perhaps take the course online and then take Advances Placement exam, to convey interest and a proficiency in the subject? Would this demonstrate what I intend, and would these online courses provide a substantial substitute for an actual college course? In addition, would the Advanced Placement exam help prove ability in the course? If the courses and exams do not show ability and interest, is there an acceptable replacement that I could do, preferably at minimal or no cost?

Sincerely,
(Name)

@skieurope I don’t plan on majoring in a social Science, and yes, I do want to take the class because I like it. The reason I want to ask Princeton and Yale is because of their selectivity. Yes, it sounds shallow, but since they seem to be more restricive in terms of AP’s than most colleges. If something seems okay to them, wouldn’t it be okay with most colleges? Not all, but a fair amount, at least. Again, I might send this to multiple places for different perspectives.

5

If you had an “authentic” interest, you’d just take the MOOC’s and self-study the APs, inflating your GPA in the process (bonus!). The email comes across as derivative.

6

You should never send flowery emails to the adcoms. They read tens of thousands of documents every year, and your email isn’t helping them to relieve the stress.

Be short and straight to the point. I could probably summarize your email into this:

7

I would add Thank you for your response or some other polite. I would also start, My name is, I am a Junior at Main Street High School in any town NY. Other than that @viphan 's version is much better. They have work to do, not get into a discussion on the merits of APs or whatever

8

Okay, thanks guys!