Critique my Personal Statement pretty please.

College Essays
1

<p>I usually wouldn’t post my writing online (or PM it to anyone), but I’m not as happy as I should be with this essay, so I’m forced to ask for your help. I’ll PM it to you and if you give me honest and helpful advice, I’ll bake you cookies and send them to you asap.</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

<p>By the way: It’s the diversity prompt.</p>

2

<p>I’ll critique it if you’d like.</p>

3

<p>Thanks! I PM’d you.</p>