critique my why Penn essay

<p>The focus of the first half is all about linguistics, and I described how my first forays into linguistics was like “finding smatterings of coins to an entrance of a treasure trove,” then described how finding Penn’s linguistic department had been of an analogous fashion. </p>

<p>I am not sure if this sort of focus works. Can someone critique it?</p>

<p>sounds very interesting</p>

<p>It sounds like a really unique approach, you can pm me.</p>