Critique please asap

<p>Monotony pervades the fortress of my bedroom walls. At 7 a.m. the wretched buzz of my alarm sounds, reminding me that today is yet another day of school. I step out of bed and through blurred eyes see the silhouette of a freshly starched uniform hanging from atop my closet door. Shiny black penny loafers (with both pennies intact), a plaid skirt, and a stiff white collared polo tauntingly await me. With precise but hollow movements, I begin my day.
Welcome to Loretto Academy, a comfortable sort of place where predictability, structure, and stillness mandate tradition. I used to feel like I could make it through an entire day here without really waking up. It seemed as though every motion was only Pavlovian-like conditioned response. I imagine that most girls here feel the same way, and maybe that is why no one really bothers to ask the obvious questions like: Why this embracing Catholic school abandons girls who become pregnant? Or why juniors are assigned to elaborately plan their wedding for a theology class? The air is much too stagnant for such thoughts.
Socrates once said, “A life unexamined is a life not worth living.” As a freshman at Loretto Academy, I fanatically adhered to his words, and for a while believed that a magnifying glass alone could illuminate answers.<br>
I still believe that Socrates was right in saying a good life is one that is reflected upon, but I also realize that his philosophy falls short. What purpose does knowledge serve if not to be the basis of action? In one of his poems E.E. Cummings wrote, “silence is a looking bird: the turning edge of life.” Analysis is necessary in order to understand problems, but knowledge must translate into motion in order to solve them. Unlike what we are trained to do in high school, life does not involve passively finding solutions, but actively creating them. You examine, learn, and then spur change.
Over the last four years, I have worked to reform bits and pieces of my school by participating in clubs, such as Student Council, that run most aspects of student activities. More importantly though, over the last four years I have come to realize that Loretto Academy is only a microcosm- opportunity transcends its confining walls.<br>
My passion for change swelled as I got involved in local politics. Being a part of my city's mayoral campaign was an incredible experience for me because my actions were no longer aimed at an isolated community. I relished the feeling left after an engaging conversation full of spontaneous insight and thoughtful reflection rather than the hollow words and conditioned responses that I have come to abhor. In the Hegelian dialectical process, ideas are proposed, examined, and then converged with alternate beliefs to forge the strongest possible conclusion. As the youngest member of the campaign, I felt I had a critical role in this process. I craved to show people the inadequacies of our community from a youth’s perspective and how I believed these inadequacies could be addressed.
My experiences during high school are just the beginning, an awakening to the challenges that can be overcome through thought and action. Each morning, my alarm still sounds at 7:00, but now my days are colored somewhat differently than before. The noise of my alarm is no longer a prediction of an inertly thoughtful day, but an invitation for my mind to avail in limitless boundaries.</p>

<p>bump
someone please help me!!!!!!!</p>

<p>I like the first 2 paragraphs. After that I think you should talk more about your personal involvement - what is it exactly that you do on Student Council? What difference did it make so far? What were/are your goals there? You raised some specific issues about your school. Did you address them as a member of Student Council? The same thing goes for the campaign. You have to be more direct and specific then saying that you are working to make it a better world.</p>