<p>Lately I’ve been seeing from young art-types (mostly writers) that I know online. It’s usually “fund time for me to write…or travel for research” and I’m sorry, but if I had money to take off more time and travel, I’d be doing it myself. Don’t remember this from previous generations (not to go all get-off-my-lawn or anything…)</p>
<p>Yup. It’s begging and I feel embarrassed for them just thinking about it. Ain’t nobody got any class anymore?! ~X( </p>
<p>Some of you know that our son is getting married soon. The cost of the wedding and the scope of the wedding is not what we would ever chosen. I was the only one who looked at venues…and we all picked a venue that is, by definition built for a smallish wedding. It is quite pricey. </p>
<p>Having a big wedding is not a God given right. Yes, the current alternative television shows about weddings and dresses et al bring extravagance to new highs. And now, selling shares to a wedding…I would rather have 10 people to lunch to celebrate and called it a day.</p>
<p>Tacky, tacky tacky. Why would a couple do this? I don’t like those honeymoon funding sites.</p>
<p>Invited to a niece’s wedding in a different city than any relatives live in- she is having it in her small backyard with a picnic to follow (have to decide what to wear). She has limited the guest list- not all cousins who would attend if invited- but that would add 4 people for just one, and then there are others. Then you get his side of the family… The thought crossed my mind to help with costs but I never did for any of the others. No way would I fund a stranger’s desire for a wedding they can’t afford. The niece hopefully is flattered there are people who want to attend because of her, not the venue.</p>
<p>Sometimes on House Hunters you see couples who buy the house and comment on money saved for future wedding et al. Or waiting until they can afford a big party. Gee wiz- the wedding is just a one day party, the marriage is the rest of your life (hopefully). Whatever happened to the neighbor catered at the local church basement, community center… affair? Nobody NEEDS to spend more than their means, or invite parents’ friends, coworkers and others who don’t know them.</p>
<p>Reminds me of watching the wedding dress shows (which I love to indulge in). So much spent on just a dress. Fine if it doesn’t affect family finances at all. But the suggestions to cut back on other aspects of the wedding just to have money for a dress. The florist is likely to say- spend on the flowers, cut back on the dress… Et al.</p>
<p>Weddings, IMO, have just gotten ridiculous. I think that people should host the wedding/reception that they or their parents can afford. Without going into debt. After all, it is the marriage that is important, not the wedding. The couple should be more concerned about spending time with friends and loved ones, than trying to impress others. And I would never “contribute” to a stranger, or friends, wedding. If invited, I will bring a nice gift. </p>
<p>I love it when a couple, often with children, say they "can’t afford to get married.’ The answer in 99% of the cases is, of course they can. They just can’t afford the wedding they want.</p>
<p>here’s a great story about a couple from our area making do with a simple wedding after losing their wedding deposit because of hurricane Sandy–they did not wait around for everyone to donate to something fancy!</p>
<p><a href=“Bamboozled: Knocked out by Sandy, Scotch Plains hall cancels wedding party, keeps its cash - nj.com”>Bamboozled: Knocked out by Sandy, Scotch Plains hall cancels wedding party, keeps its cash - nj.com;
<p>I do know of a situation where a student was crowdfunding tuition. I don’t know the details or if it was unexpected circumstances that led to it. I have mixed feelings about it.</p>
<p>I would not want to pay for a wedding a couple could not afford. A wedding is nice, but it isn’t a necessity like a place to live or a car might be. I’d rather see them put money towards that. It would be fine with me to attend a ceremony followed by cake and punch, rather than see a couple spend a lot of money on one day. I would happily bring a gift to a wedding.</p>
<p>Instead of material gifts we currently are giving checks. We still own some items from our wedding and I fondly remember the gifts. A niece still likes the practical Corelle baking ware set we gave her some ten years ago as I remember my aunt and cousin giving me mine nearly 30 years ago. These days with couples already having a household they already have so many things. I wonder if that niece still likes her red kitchen stuff that was popular in her wedding day era. Plus- I don’t always feel the items on their store registries are worth getting for them. I have found the less than $20 toaster can be much better than the fancy one costing mega bucks. I am happy no one bought us any of our chosen good china decades ago as we later found a much better version. Today I wouldn’t bother with it, as much as I like it (and we requested stainless, not silver, given to us by my father as he had done for my sister from whom I got the idea- don’t like my mom’s silver pattern at all so inheriting that was never contemplated).</p>
<p>Well we have been criticized for planning a big wedding for our D (it will be next fall). We are not asking anyone to fund it , we won’t even have a cash bar , it’s all on us. This is our choice. </p>
<p>Fallgirl, why would anyone criticize you for that?! That’s your choice and your daughter’s good fortune, if she wants that kind of wedding! If you are not asking people to contribute money to it then they should just mind their own business, IMO.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone on this thread (well, hardly anyone) is criticizing big weddings in families that can afford them.<br>
It puts money into circulation in the economy, and that’s good.</p>
<p>We have had a variety of wedding types in my family, some with receptions in the fellowship hall of the church, with very simple refreshments in the mid-afternoon (no bar of any type), and no dinner. Even this is not guaranteed super-affordable, but there are ways to cut costs on each of the elements. It is totally fine to have a simple wedding. Obviously, I think that people should do that, if that is what they can afford without help. </p>
<p>It is also great fun to go to an elaborate wedding, when one is being held–provided one knows that it is affordable. I have fond recollections of a very big wedding that I attended more than 35 years ago. That was a one-time event in my experience so far. </p>
<p>I am seeing even FB acquaintances use “crowdfunding” for personal funding. One woman in her late 50s just got out of school and is looking for a job. Her car broke down, and she needs $2,500 to repair it. She is desperate, so she started a page to raise money. She links to it frequently on FB. I feel for her, but I’m not going to contribute. Seems tacky.</p>
<p>Well it’s not any worse than the guy who raised all that money to make $10 worth of potato salad.</p>
<p><a href=“https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/324283889/potato-salad”>https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/324283889/potato-salad</a></p>
<p>My D has a close friend who is getting married soon. I asked D about the registry and she was not up on how registries are done. I figured things out and sent her a link. They registered for very basic dishes, flatware and a few other kitchen items then had a honeymoon registry. It was broken down by item into very modest sums so you could choose a particular dinner, show, side trip, museum etc. The larger things were broken down into shares. I had heard of but not seen that before and it actually seemed really nice. D actually decided to buy a honeymoon “item” saying that’s what they would really want the most. I think I will do a modest item as well. I found it refreshing that they didn’t register fro some of the stuff that I have seen in some “everything but the kitchen sink” registries. </p>
<p>I don’t see this becoming a big movement. Crowdfunding of vasectomies, in certain cases,…that could be different. </p>
<p>I don’t care for honeymoon registries, which, if you know how they work, are really no different than registering for money. They generally take a percentage and then turn over cold hard cash to the couple, not “experiences” or gift certificates to a dinner.</p>
<p>Oh well . . . I’m just saying that’s what my daughter chose to gift when presented with that or housewares.</p>
<p>I did donate $100 to an old high school friend who I haven’t seen in 40 something years that her family used to request donations for an experimental medical treatment not covered by insurance. But for a wedding, no way. I normally give a check to the couple at the wedding and if they want to use that money to help pay for the wedding it’s fine with me. </p>