<p>I’ve been very reluctant to start this thread, because I don’t want to sound churlish, or ungrateful, or whiny, but I really am hopeful that there are CC parents who can help me with this, so I’m plunging in.</p>
<p>H, S1, S2, and I have been more or less shanghaid into going on a cruise with H’s dad and stepmom this summer. Cruising has become hugely important to them, and H’s dad really wants to share this passion with us.</p>
<p>There are cruise people and not-cruise people in the world, and without making any value judgments, H & I (and the boys as far as I know) fall into the not-cruise people group. I love travel, but I don’t love big crowds. I love exploring on my own, and making discoveries, and even making mistakes (that little restaurant looks wonderful! / but it isn’t! and so on); I’m not so keen on doing what’s already been done and done and done.</p>
<p>On the plus side, in addition to the extended family time (um, actually that one goes in both columns!), at least half of the ports are ones we are honestly not likely to get to on our own - and seeing them will be very exciting. S2 is a fiend for ships. And we did manage to book a cabin with a balcony. Also, I truly do understand that we are fortunate indeed to be able to do this.</p>
<p>On the minus side, well - this is where I’m hoping you all will chime in and tell me to stop being a ■■■■■, because there are wonderful ways to make the cruise LESS of a herd experience? And so on. I’m just feeling very trollish indeed about the nightly seated dinners, the led-by-a-guide-with-a-flag tours (especially the nighttime shopping tour the stepmom-in-law is pushing), and the whole humongous-floating-hotel thing.</p>
<p>Can anybody help? If you need to tell me I’m crazy first, and then tell me why, please feel free. :)</p>
<p>Harriet, try to look at the positive aspects. Also, instead of doing the cruise-sponsored tours, perhaps you can explore on your own? You just have to be careful to return to the ship in time. Maybe you can do the nighttime shopping tour just to appease our stepmom-in-law - maybe she’ll even buy you something.</p>
<p>H and I took a cruise with friends before we had kids, and we had a blast. We treated it as a resort vacation, and we did the cruise-sponsored tour in only one port - the rest we explored on our own. We didn’t do many of the “activities” on the ship - we spent a little ship-time in the casino, and a lot of ship-time just hanging out, eating and drinking, going in the pool - that sort of thing. The meal times were a little herd-like though - sorry…lol.</p>
<p>I’m with you Harriet, but you’ve got to be prepared to be a good sport about throwing yourself into it if you are going to go. You’ve already thought of some good points to dwell on. As to the activities, you don’t have to do EVERYTHING together, do you? You can do some stuff they want to do, and do some stuff you want to do. </p>
<p>Basically, these are the issues that come into play anytime one takes a multi-person vacation. It’s just on a larger scale. :)</p>
<p>Have you thought about arranging your own tours? We’ve done that on several cruises. It’s usually cheaper than the ones organized by the ship. However, sometimes the large tour groups can bypass huge waiting times at certain venues. Have you cruised before? It sounds like maybe you haven’t. Even on megaships, I can’t say that I’ve ever felt like I was in a big crowd. Having your own balcony will be a plus. You can get great views without mixing with the “crowds.” You aren’t obligated to go to the formal dining room every night (unless it’s a family expectation). You can get room service, go to a buffet, etc. Maybe I’m just a “cruise person”, but I’ve never felt like part of a herd. Everyone in your family can go off and do his/her own thing if they want.</p>
<p>Harriet—Im not a “cruise person” either. Ive traveled all over the world (by myself at times). I reluctantly went on a cruise to Alaska with my parents
who have a tough time getting around. I took SEVERAL books. Spent everyday on the deck reading. Never went to a show, a buffet, bingo or anyother group activity. It was one of the most wonderful worry free vacations Ive ever had. I went a second time, gladly.</p>
<p>I agree that making the most of room service, your balcony, and the library (most megaships have one) will largely keep you away from the “herd.” You can arrange for a car to meet you at the ports and whisk you away from the dockside neighborhood. Most cruise patrons will not be interested in leaving the beaten path, so you may be surprised how little company you have when you explore a different area.</p>
<p>I am also not a cruise person. But family is important and spending a week with relatives who won’t be around forever in order to make them happy won’t kill you. This is coming from someone who spent a week on a cruise with the ENTIRE family. It wouldn’t have been my choice, but we lived through it and actually had a little fun. The memories are priceless.</p>
<p>Hi Harriet. Maybe you could look at this as a good opportunity for your sons, for a three-generation family vacation, showing respect for grandparents’ wishes, learning about going on a cruise, attending dinners, etc.? It seems like it would be a good experience for your sons in itself, and treating the older generation kindly is also an instructive experience. (Maybe someday in the distant future that will be your sons taking you on a vacation of YOUR choice.) If you set a positive tone for this trip, then your sons will pick up on that and accept that sometimes we have to go along on the family outing and make up our minds to have a positive experience, even though the trip might not be your first choice. </p>
<p>I’d take lots of books as above post suggests, and sometimes you can just stay on your balcony by yourself and relax with room service. I did this once on a trip to Hawaii with my family; I wasn’t too thrilled with the way my stepsons were to be around at that stage, so at night they all did their thing, and I retired early with my books.</p>
<p>I agree with the concept of making memories. It may not be the trip you would have planned, but sometimes that’s a good thing. Wonderful that your inlaws are able/willing to make the trip. My inlaws wanted to take us away for the longest time, but between work and having babies, it never happened. We always thought there would be another time or another trip, but funny how life works because there wasn’t and they are gone now.</p>
<p>You are all being helpful and I do appreciate it. Without question, the recognition of limited time to spend in Grandpa & Grandma’s company was the deciding factor. H and I have both lost our moms already, and I’ve also lost my dad, so we’re very deeply aware of that aspect of things. (S2, who is quite the caboose, never even met any of the three departed grandparents.)</p>
<p>And yes, one reason I’m venting here is that H and I do recognize the importance of talking about the whole thing in sincerely positive terms, and that’s what we’re doing. But neither of the boys can hear me in here! :D</p>
<p>So beyond the family part, please do keep the positives coming.</p>
<p>Is there a travel agent involved in the booking? They can be very helpful to plan around the herd events. They can help set up those special tours or events outside the cruise ship ones.</p>
<p>HMW,
My DH went on a cruise with me last year and he was not looking forward to it. I am not a huge cruise person either. It’s a long story as to why we went. I have a couple of tips: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>If you are an early riser at all, take advantage of that time. Usually until about 9am the decks and common areas are almost empty. DH spent every morning up at the top of the ship in a small library most people never found. He would get a coffee and his book and hide out there for most of the morning most days. Still talks about how much he enjoyed that. The view, the quiet, etc. </p></li>
<li><p>Which brings me to point 2. There are little hideaways on these big ships, you just have to find them. Most people are crowd followers. They will all go to the casino, to the shows, etc. There are always little libraries, little rooms, decks at the back of the ship that most people never use. </p></li>
<li><p>Do not eat at the buffets. On most of these ships you can eat breakfast in the dining room. The food is better, the service is there and the crowds are very light. </p></li>
<li><p>Do NOT feel that you all have to stay together or do the same things. There were days where I didn’t even see DH for several hours. We would make a plan to meet at a mealtime in a certain location. Depending on the ages of the kids you may want to take some walkie talkies for the same purpose.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>There’s been some good advice already given, but I’ll chime in, too. I didn’t think I’d care for a cruise, despite loving boats and time spent on the water, but my family opted to take one a few years ago. I actually ended up loving the experience, although there were a few things that made it especially positive…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, for one thing, if the boat is big enough, you’ll have plenty of space to go exploring even on sea days. It’s no hike through the jungle, but it can make for great people watching and nice meandering (silver lining, here). Also, one of the things my family decided was that we wanted to make SOME attempt to see the places we were visiting, not just follow guides with flags or sit on a beach all afternoon, pleasant though those things might be in their own ways. We looked for excursions that sounded interesting, but that also required us to take, for one example, a 45min bus ride (and trust me, in Jamaican traffic, that is an adventure in itself) through the city to get to our destination, or a small boat ride along the coast with a local guide. In neither case was the transit the point of the excursion, but it was nice to get a bit of a feel for the cities beyond what we would’ve seen sticking around port. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You’ll have a lot of options for shore excursions, many of which will let you avoid guides-with-flags situations. Many options will also be half-day, so perhaps you could strike compromises like the whole family does something together in the morning, then gets to choose their own activities for the afternoon, or you all do something together in the morning and then explore on foot in the afternoon. Of course, if you want, you can all do your own thing, too!</p>
<p>There will be a lot of people, however you cut it, but the experience doesn’t have to feel totally herd-like. I really enjoyed finding quiet places to read in the evenings, and there were multiple nights that I found myself too secluded (just sitting out on the deck…not hiding!) and went off to find more populated areas. </p>
<p>Re: nightly seated dinners…this actually ended up being a highlight of our experience. I was skeptical, but we opted for the “group” table and were placed with the most wonderful, fascinating other family (three adult sisters and their mother). They were just fantastic. I realize that we got lucky, but it was a positive enough experience that I’d risk it again!</p>
<p>So…this may not turn out to be your favorite way to see the world, but I assure you that there are positives to be found, even for the non-herd-loving traveler. What you seem to be envisioning is much ‘worse’ (using the term subjectively, of course) than what I personally experienced. And FWIW, there are cruises that would better fit your preferences. Perhaps another year, you can look into those and invite your extended family along for a trip that will cater a little bit to everyone’s tastes!</p>
<p>My in-laws took us, along with H’s siblings & their families, on a cruise in celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary a few years back. H & I are definitely not “cruise people” and we, like you, felt a bit shang-hai’ed into the whole affair. Neither of us are much for crowds. We were on one of Royal Carribean’s BB-II-GG ships, talk about CROWDS! </p>
<p>In any event, we had a good time, and the kids LOVED it. They loved being able to explore the ship on their own, there were plenty of activities for them to do. We did one organized tour at one port, and the other ones we sort of did our own thing. Once we took a cab to a local Westin Hotel and just enjoyed their beach all day!!</p>
<p>One of my favorite stops was Jamaica - because we didn’t leave the ship!! Everyone else did, of course, and we enjoyed most of the day sitting near the pool…it was so quiet and peaceful!</p>
<p>We tried to enjoy simple things like collecting some drinks and appetizers from the buffet in the late afternoon and enjoying them on the balcony. As ebeeeee said, there’s always a quiet spot for you, you just have to find it.</p>
<p>Would we cruise again? Probably not. But it was a good chance to do something different as an extended family, and all-in-all was a pretty good time.</p>
<p>On our ship every afternoon at 4pm there would be a string quartet from Paris playing in one of the lounges. Now I would have thought that this would
have been jammed with people. In point of fact, I was frequently one of two
or three people there. It was also a great excuse to avoid a bad afternoon
excursion. “no thanks mom—I REALLY would love to go on the shopping tour but there is a cocktail and a cantata with my name on it” Her desire to book
excursions with me was just a desire to keep me entertained and happy. H out hiking a glacier, D doing God Knows What with her cruise buddies, Nana
and Grandpa on a shopping tour and me just hanging out with Bach. I loved the whole set up. If you find something to do(aka an excuse) night time shopping tours will not be an issue.</p>
<p>Another person who relates to your anticipation (dread?) re cruising. I’ve been in the same position. I went with my mom to the Baltic on a cruise, and likewise the destinations were interesting but ones I would likely never go to on my own. It was a smaller boat (600+) people, which helped quite a bit. But since then, I have gone to Alaska with a group of six friends and family.</p>
<p>I had a good time on both trips. My biggest frustration would be the feeling of being rushed at the various ports, but I’m the type of traveler who would prefer to spend a week at one place exploring, than to see 7 different places in that same week.</p>
<p>Since there is so much one can do, suggest to find out what you do like. It is an adventure, just a bit different from finding that little unique restaurant or store. Did I say my Mom (almost 80) and I came in second in the twist contest? And the thrill of winning at bingo while drinking and playing with a bunch of senior citizens I just met cannot be described. And on the Alaska trip, a group of 6 of us almost in tears we were laughing so hard while playing Apples to Apples. </p>
<p>I have found, that cruising in small doses is ok.</p>
<p>Harriet you CAN have a wonderful time. Make a deal or set some limits with your father and step mother that you can have some time to yourself. As is said here already, you don’t have to go along with the herd. The shows on ships are at best mediocre. They generally have music in the evening in a few different lounges for different tastes. </p>
<p>You can exercise at any time. Avoid the early morning though in the gym as thats most crowded. There is usualy a jogging track aong one of the decks. Its beautiful t run or walk and just look at the sea.</p>
<p>We have also sat at a larger group table for dinner. You don’t have to show up nightly. We have met some great people and had lots of fun and spirited discussions.</p>
<p>We like to participate in the trivia quizzes. Sort of like Jeopardy at sea.</p>
<p>I hope you will have a balcony. There is nothing like coffee on your balcony in the morning and sitting out there reading.</p>