<p>I’ve realized that every time I cry, people think I’m sad. Not so-- I cry even more so if I’m happy. I wish it wouldn’t generate so much discomfort.</p>
<p>My FIL told my H as a tearful youth, “Never be ashamed of sincere emotion.” I thought that was great and rare insight.</p>
<p>I think it generates discomfort because most of the time when people cry, it is due to sadness…</p>
<p>I think it’s because people are just afraid of strong emotion, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative.</p>
<p>VeryHappy–</p>
<p>I agree that any display of strong emotion sends many people running to the hills.</p>
<p>My parents died within a very short period of time of each other from totally unrelated causes when I was in my 30s. I still had lots of things and deep feelings and hard questions I wanted to get out. But it was too late.</p>
<p>I swore that from that point forward, if I felt it, I was going to get it out cleanly. That included doing that with my W of 15 years (who became my ex shortly after I started that process). I have always done that with my S who was only a few months old when my parents died.</p>
<p>I think that using this in my relationship with my now 19 year old, freshman S and airing of feelings up-front and hopefully cleanly and quickly has greatly contributed to my S’s ability to express his feelings (including when his Mom or I are crossing into his independence). </p>
<p>Since he knows how I feel (including the frequent statments of my deep love of him and respect for the person he has become), he seems safe and secure in my feelings (and, yes, my approval) and has developed into a strong, independent and reasonably self-assured young adult.</p>
<p>Fear perhaps is the hardest emotion for many males to allow to come out. It is one that I have discussed with my S is nature’s way of telling you to watch out and be careful. We have a processe when fear kicks in. Stop and consider what you are thinking about doing. Set the fear asside for a moment to see if without the fear you still want to go forward and proceed. If so, in your mind say “well, FEAR, here we go, we are going to climb that mountain, etc.” That is not discounting the value of fear as a warning, but does not let fear control you.</p>
<p>Tears of joy and for the beauty and awe of nature and life come from the same sourse as tears of sadness and fear and all strong emotion, i.e., the soul. Therefore, all tears are treasured.</p>
<p>07DAD: I look forward to your posts.</p>
<p>bethie: I find I cry the most when I am discussing something very close to me and say something true that I may not have had the courage to articulate before. More often than not, the discussion falls under the positive heading heading rather than the negative. People don’t seem to be uncomfortable with this, but I always refer to it aloud, as in, “Oh, that must really be true because I’m tearing up” or some such innocuous comment. This seems to diffuse any tension that might exist.</p>