Hi, I am an 18 year old girl and wanted your guys’ intake on what an appropriate curfew time should be and how I should approach this to my parents. I am currently a senior in high school and also a freshman in college as my school has a program that allows you to be enrolled at the local college. With that being said, I am a very good student, I get good grades, and I’m very responsible. My parents tend to be a little overprotective when it comes to me having a social life. This never used to be a problem because I never really had friends until this year. My parents don’t really have a set curfew time, but whenever I go out they send me a text saying I need to be home by 9 pm, so I guess you could say that’s my curfew. I find this time to be a little ridiculous and want to talk to my parents about setting a later curfew time but approaching my parents scare the living daylights out of me. I also understand that being 18 doesn’t really classify me as an adult and I’m still living under their roof so I need to follow their rules which I do with no complaints since they are so generous with me, but I feel that some they need to start giving me more freedom and allow me to make choices of my own. So, I need your guys’ opinion/advice on what I should do…
Unfortunately, it’s a “their house, their rules” situation. That being said, 9PM really is very early for an 18-year old (my own daughters’ high school curfews are/were midnight on weekends). Are you able to have reasonable discussions with them? You might want to give solid examples of events/activities that necessarily keep you out past 9, to start.
Our 18 year old son is a senior and his curfew is midnight. Last year it was 11. I do think 9 is unreasonable.
Is that a week day curfew or a weekend curfew? I can see 9 pm during the week unless it is a school function. When they moved the start time up for high school here, mine had to be out of the house by 6 am to get to school on time. They were asleep by 9 pm.
In general, I want my 17 year old senior home by 10ish Sun-Th and 11 F-Sat unless he asks to stay out later. For example, if he calls early in he evening that he’s going to a movie or something, he stays out later on weekends maybe until 1200.
I don’t go for the last minute sleepovers at other homes. He can always bring friends back to our house. He’s very quick to respond when I text or call, so I feel he is responsible with his communication.
When he had a more strict curfew, he was only late once. Now, I’m okay giving him some flexibility.
Can you negotiate a time with them based on the evening activity and day of the week? Say we weeknight movie with friends, 10 PM, but a weekend party or other social event 11 or 12 PM? If you are an 18 year old “adult” then working this out with them shows maturity.
For us it was 10:00 on school nights and midnight on weekends when they were juniors and seniors.
I don’t set a curfew for my D. I ask where she is headed and with whom, but I trust her.
Can you ask your parents what their concern is? Once you know that, you can work on getting to a set curfew that hopefully is later than 9. Why does talking about this with your parents “scare the living daylights” out of you? That concerns me more than the curfew. You need to be able to talk to them.
At 18, you ARE legally an adult. We’ve never imposed a curfew on our son. And once he turned 18, it would never have occurred to us to try. IMO, 9PM is ridiculous. You should be able to talk to your parents about their concerns and negotiate for a more reasonable time. If they won’t budge, you only have to deal with their rules until you are able to be out on your own. Will you be going away to college next year? If so, this is a very temporary problem.
Is this a school night? TBH, my kids really didn’t go out on school nights unless it was a school related activity…or EC. So…whenever those ended, we expected them home.
Weekends…Friday and Saturday…I honestly don’t remember a curfew. But if they were driving…our state required them to be off the road by a certain hour…so whatever that was…was it. I think it was maybe midnight until over 18.
We do 10 on school nights and midnight/12:30 on weekends. Although the school night curfew is more theoretical as they usually have way too much homework to go anywhere, sadly.
Part of the problem here seems to be a text mid-activity telling you to be home at 9. Have you tried to sit with your parents in advance, describe where you are going, with whom, and when the event ends?
Also, if it is new for you to be more social, telling them a bit about your friends and introducing them when possible may help create peace of mind. 9 does seem early on weekends for 18; hopefully, their caution is a function of inexperience with you being out at night. You may be able to build their confidence by anticipating their concerns, asking if they have questions and following the plans consistently. We navigated expected time home with high schoolers on a case by case basis, rather than establishing a curfew. Best with this.
9:00 is REALLY early. Do your parents socialize with people who have kids your age? Do you think they know what the norms of a curfew are? As posters stated above, it’s usually a flexible policy that can change based on day of the week, activity, trustworthiness, etc.
If you think your parents know that they have set an unusually early curfew, try to figure out what specifically they are worried about and address that issue. Car accident, teen pregnancy, date-rape, drug use? Seeing the issue from their point of view will help strengthen your arguments in your favor.
Good luck! and don’t be afraid, they love you 