<p>Its not about communicating that something was wrong, it was just doing something special…fun for me!!! They were excited to be going as a group of girls, and it was fun to hand them something as a remembrance</p>
<p>A kind of mom to D and her friends right of passage moment as it were</p>
<p>My S never even went to prom - made me crazy! (Who knows how his sr. year (short-term) gf felt? She was from another hs).</p>
<p>Girls go alone around here, as many have said. What one of my friend’s D did was go with another ‘date-less’ girl. They exchanged corsages, went to one of the large group pre-parties together with lots of other friends who were coupled, shared limo with same and had a great time. They were not gay, but just did it this way. Another option.</p>
<p>“We would never have done that.”</p>
<p>Because we couldn’t. The prom was for couples. Only.
That’s why I never got to go.</p>
<p>Sorry, but prom is highly overrated and a great expense with or with a date. Sorry to be the party pooper, but I can’t get into the prom scene as the highlight of high school. </p>
<p>AND at my kids suburban high school, many kids say they are going to prom, but just go out to dinner and PARTY w/o ever going to the dance. Pretty much the norm here, so I am fine w/my kids not participating in the drinking and driving and who knows what else…</p>
<p>I went to my hs prom, but I do have to agree with The Mom. It is overrated and very expensive. I also do not like the after parties, the driving risks (even without alcohol teens are driving in the middle of the night, or driving to the beach/somewhere else the next day, without having slept). It is not a good mix!</p>
<p>To the OP-Have you asked your D what she’d like to do. Perhaps she has friends from outside high school and you could have your D invite them over, or organize something fun with them. Perhaps there is a special treat, something your D has never done before that you might want to do with her. Ideas: day spa/massage, or maybe you could just take her shopping and buy something special that she’d like, fun place for dinner with her, or with D and friends.</p>
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<p>Please don’t assume that because it bothers you, or might have bothered you when you were her age, that it bothers her. She’s not you. She might really not be bothered by it.</p>
<p>If she’s the only one without a date, it is probably bothering her. </p>
<p>We faced this one early: As a soph, D1 heard through the grapevine that she was going to be asked to a dance by a boy she didn’t know at all, and really didn’t want to go with because of that. I told her that if she truly wasn’t going to say yes to this boy, but wanted to go to the dance, she should do some quick footwork. She called a good friend (male) and asked if he’d like to go to the dance with her. He said yes (and brought her flowers later that same day: class act). She then called a friend of the boy who was going to ask her and said that she had heard he was going to do a big production “ask” and that she wanted him to know she already had a date. Feelings were spared, and she got to be in control of the situation. </p>
<p>This lesson has served her well. Our dances are still “couples” but kids have figured out that it doesn’t really matter who asks who. She’s going to prom with a guy friend (her boyfriend is in college and would probably rather die than go to prom again). They will be splitting the cost, and going with a group. This seems healthy to me.</p>
<p>She might have a friend at another school who could fix her up with a blind date. That may sound nuts, but my son went to a homecoming dance at another school as a blind date, and he had a good time.</p>
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<p>Agreed.</p>
<p>As a junior, I went to the senior prom with a friend who wanted to go with somebody. He paid for my ticket. I got a (relatively) cheap dress that everyone thought was great. Going out with friends and getting milkshakes afterward was more fun than the actual event. The whole experience was reasonably entertaining, but not something I have much memory of six years later or think of even remotely as any sort of rite of passage.</p>
<p>I didn’t bother to go to the senior prom when I was a senior. I’d already been once; what was the point?</p>
<p>My senior S has declared no prom for him. He didn’t go last year either. I hope he doesn’t regret it later but I can’t force him to go. It is very expensive and we would expect him to pay for some part of it (as his older brother did). He doesn’t date anybody and I think would rather spend the money on something else. From what I hear about our school’s prom, plenty of girls go dateless/ in groups but very few guys go unattached. I think it’s just not as important to guys. My older S went to both proms because he had a girlfriend each year so it was pretty much mandatory for him. He told me recently (when I was worrying about younger S missing out on the Prom) that he would not have gone if he hadn’t had the gf. I distinctly remember draggin’ him out from under his car and frantically searching for de-greaser for his hands 30 minutes before he was to be at the pre-party for his prom.</p>
<p>It really may not bother her; she may prefer to go with a group of friends, albeit friends who are paired off as dates or platonic couples, rather than go as part of an artificial couple. If it’s a nice group of kids that she knows well she will probably have a good time. If there is an organized pre-prom gathering and she encourages you to come, you can take group pictures that will be pleasant reminders a few years from now of how great everyone looked. If there is a post-prom gathering that she is comfortable with, that will add to the fun. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t make a big deal of her dateless status. I suspect a girl who has a large group of friends to go with, as you describe, probably could have had a date of some kind if she wanted one and simply has the self-confidence to enjoy the prom on her own terms. Good for her.</p>
<p>I do agree that the prom in the long run is not necessarily the high point of senior year, but at the time it is being planned and anticipated, it seems like a high point, so I am all for enjoying it and helping your daughter prepare for it as much as she wants, hair and manicure and pretty dress and all. </p>
<p>My daughter went to her first prom as a sophomore, as the sweet and decorative date of a rather cool and very nice senior. That was a good introduction to the prom going. Junior year she turned down several boys in her grade because she didn’t “like” them in the date sense and preferred to maintain her friendships with them; that year she went dateless with a group, some of whom were with dates–she seemed okay if not thrilled, but it bothered me somewhat. Senior year was the quintessential high school high point; she went with her boyfriend–they’d been an item for most of that school year. At the time that seemed like the most meaningful of the proms, but there was the usual parting for distant colleges and it had no lasting impact. There have been a lot of parties and dates since then, and there will be for your daughter too I am sure. Don’t worry about this prom–just share whatever mood she presents and ignore the date part.</p>
<p>S1 went to a homecoming dance sans date, though part of a group. Danced a little, but mainly watched everyone’s pocketbooks and took pics. Was far too noisy and not his kind of dancing. Hasn’t said a word about prom. S has many, many female friends and they all go together in a group.</p>
<p>As for folk dancing, however…that’s a while 'nuther story! :)</p>
<p>S2 went to homecoming in November (different school) with a date and they have been together ever since. They are sophs, so no prom this year.</p>
<p>"If she’s the only one without a date, it is probably bothering her. "</p>
<p>Not necessarily. She may have the self confidence to not feel that events like prom can be fun only as part of a couple. Also, youths now do things in groups and couples do things along with singletons, with the singletons being very included and happy, not being looked on with pity.</p>
<p>Prom IS really overrated. However, whether or not one went (especially if you are female) does become part of your identity/personal mythology years later. We can all remember whether or not we went and why, and not so much whether or not it was fabulous. </p>
<p>I’ll continue to encourage our kids to go, partly so that they can say (to their insecure inner teenager) they went. Luckily, our prom is a VERY low-key event. D1 doesn’t want any professional grooming, is wearing a short dress from her closet, and they plan to ride tandems…</p>
<p>The only thing that would concern me (if this is done there as here) is the photographer pictures on the way into the prom where the couples or groups pose. Posing alone would be awkward, but if someone in the group was sensitive to that and had some other configuration in mind, likely the lack of date wouldn’t be an issue at all. Proms here aren’t even a little big low key. The kids, families and schools go all out. I expect to pay about $1000 per kid. Actually, that was for D1 in Catholic school. I’m not even sure what D2’s public school does. Gotta find out.</p>
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<p>:: falls over in shock ::</p>
<p>“:: falls over in shock ::”</p>
<p>Astounding, right? Tickets are usually $150-200, dress, hair, nails, portion of limo, shoes. I’m going to make it my life’s mission to find out what D2’s school does and if it will be cheaper.</p>
<p>Here’s an idea if you have a certain kind of kid: Have them enter the duct tape prom attire contest at [Home</a> of Duck brand Duct Tape’s “Stuck at Prom” Scholarship Contest](<a href=“http://www.stuckatprom.com%5DHome”>http://www.stuckatprom.com). That way, they can find a date based on willingness to do something outrageous rather than attraction.</p>
<p>" Tickets are usually $150-200, dress, hair, nails, portion of limo, shoes. "</p>
<p>$1,000? I can’t imagine paying anywhere near that.</p>
<p>One can get nice dresses for under $100. One doesn’t need a limo. There really are teens who don’t drink, and teens certainly don’t need to arrive in some kind of style. Nice shoes $60 or less at a discount shoe store.</p>
<p>As for hair, nails, where I live, a nice manicure is $30 including tip. Of course, one could have a friend do it or do it oneself. Hair: Under $100. Way under $100.</p>
<p>Prom tickets here were, I think, $40 if they were that high.</p>
<p>S drove his date’s car (a jalopy). Would have driven my old car that he usually drove, but he hadn’t bothered to clean the inside.</p>
<p>They ate at a cheap restaurant. Their dinners probably cost less than $20 each.</p>
<p>They went with a group of friends, and had a great time. Hung out at someone’s house afterward. Nice, down to earth bunch of kids. Nerdy by many’s standards. I think they played video games and similar games.</p>
<p>I agree Northstarmom, but if everyone else is going in a limo and the girl doesn’t have a date, arriving alone isn’t too cool. Everyone here does limos and it’s unheard of to drive a car. This is why D1 didn’t go to senior prom. She knew she had to fund most of it and didn’t find it worth the money.</p>