<p>“Be polite and part of the team, wash a dish, sweep the floor if it’s dirty, whatever, just treat our house as if it is your house and as if you care that it is neat.”</p>
<p>DD is not the problem. I’m STILL trying to get H to follow these rules. :(</p>
<p>Macmill–if you read the OP, the poster’s daughter is coming home in order to attend grad school. She doesn’t sound like someone who needs to be pushed out of the house–unemployed, creating children, or expecting to be waited on.</p>
<p>Quote:
“Be polite and part of the team, wash a dish, sweep the floor if it’s dirty, whatever, just treat our house as if it is your house and as if you care that it is neat.”</p>
<p>DD is not the problem. I’m STILL trying to get H to follow these rules. </p>
<p>Once again, musica, you CRACK me up!!!</p>
<p>If you’re still trying to get them out of the house at 30, you have bigger problems than house rules. We had none and they still left as soon as they could.</p>
<p>Musica, are we married to the same guy?!?</p>
<p>My kids are still in school, but…</p>
<p>Rules specific to S2:<br>
<p>Specific to S1:<br>
<p>Otherwise –
<p>I ought to add mathmom’s rule to my list. :)</p>
<p>My parents actually want me to stay at home until I get married, so I’m not sure what they’re playing at with some of those rules. 
They are really annoyed that my plan is to move out as soon as I can afford it, my mom seems to think it’s a waste of money to get my own place if I have a perfectly good home with her. My mom never lived on her own and doesn’t seem to understand why one would want to.</p>
<p>Why do you feel you need in-advance rules and consequences? Why wouldn’t one assume some degree of plain old mutual respect and general consideration and cooperation around the house and shared resources? And if something comes up, talk about it then? </p>
<p>But also why would you want others’ rules? I mean if you really feel a need to be explicit and pre-emptive, why not just communicate your personal expectations?</p>
<p>^^^Musica and countingdown, I have one of those husbands as well. My chore time has not decreased one iota since son went away to college. </p>
<p>I am fearfully anticipating son’s return from college next week. We allowed him a summer off last year before starting college, and since he’ll be taking courses all summer, we’ll have the worst of both worlds. No more ECs to occupy his free time, and pushing him to do his homework rather than playing video games and watching TV.</p>
<p>As he will not have a car, the only rule I’m going to put down for sure this summer is that I am no longer carpool mom. He will have stay on campus and do his homework, work out at the rec center, get an oncampus part-time job, until his dad and I can pick him up after we get off of work. We don’t live on a bus route, and the campus is too far to bike to, so we are going to be his means of transportation, but I am not going to lose income like I did before being his personal taxi service.</p>
<p>Well, S has lived with us from August through now & we never made any rules. It has worked out fine–he used his initiative to help as he was able–decluttered our house, was generally home for all meals (would let us know when not to expect him), mostly quiet & considerate–following the Golden Rule. We have really enjoyed having him around and will miss him as he heads off to start his new career in the East Coast. </p>
<p>Sleepovers never came up, nor did entertaining or guests. Of course, YMMV, as we each know our kids best.</p>
<p>S paid his own medical insurance & maintained his car in LA. We paid all groceries, utlities, etc. IF he had a job, we may have considered charging him rent that we would save in an account for him toward his own place, but this was moot since he was waiting for security clearance & his job to start all of that time.</p>
<p>If I were you, the rules I might institute are:</p>
<p>1) Call or text if you’re not coming home, or will be coming home very late (say, after 1 a.m. or whatever time you choose).</p>
<p>2) Clean up after yourself.</p>
<p>3) Cheerfully help with household chores if I request it.</p>
<p>4) If you need the car, ask first, put gas in it, and keep it clean.</p>
<p>5) The Golden Rule applies here.</p>
<p>Our son is a junior in college. The times he’s been at home for breaks, we’ve reverted back to his old household chore duties (do dishes every other day, take out garbage once a week, help with other things when we ask). We also asked him to let us know if he would be home for dinner, to text us if he was going to be out late, and also to find his own ride home if it was going to be late (he doesn’t have a car or use ours - he takes public transportation or gets a ride from a friend). Sleepovers have not been an issue. I would think that could be addressed as the situation warranted.</p>
<p>Remember these?</p>
<p>Rules of the Household</p>
<p>If you open it close it.
If you turn it on, turn it off.
If you unlock it, lock it.
If you break it, fix it.
If you can’t fix it, report it.
If you borrow it, return it.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
If you move it, put it back.
If it doesn’t concern you, don’t mess with it.
If you don’t know, ask.
If you can’t read this, have someone read it to you.
If you can’t have someone read it to you, too bad.</p>
<p>Gee, starbright, I didn’t know having all the answers already was a prerequisite to posting a question. Or that I had to be a perfect parent like you! I come here to learn, consider other points of view, and share. I have benefited from others posts – thanks!</p>
<p>I’m sorry Silllymilly, I obviously came off as a jerk. I didn’t understand your question. It just would not have occurred to me to try to develop rules and consequences in advance is all but its easy to forget we have different kids and different family dynamics. Now that I went back and read your earlier posts, I see where you are coming from now. I wish I had done so before I posted earlier. You have had your hands full. </p>
<p>I think trying to think of your own expectations and desires would be useful: so you know what drives you crazy, what had made your life easier, and what you can live with when you are sharing your roof with your kids. Especially think in terms of when it was difficult being in the same house and what you wish had been different at the time. Armed with insight into what you need, clarify it with your returning bird. Maybe writing it out would be useful, too. I think it will be most effective if you keep it short (which is probably why you asked for 5 in your OP). Maybe you could put them in order of priority and then try to think in terms of higher abstract principles, so that you have fewer things for both of you to remember (too many things would come across as way too rule bound and probably go in one ear and out the other). </p>
<p>Obviously you’ve done a good job…given your kids are graduating and now going to graduate school (and want to return to the nest in between and you can provide for them while they do).</p>