<p>After 5 years away at out of state college, my D. is about to graduate. She is now going to grad school here at home. Due to finances, she needs to live at home. So…Need to know! What 5 rules would you have if your son/daughter moved back home for two years of grad school?</p>
<p>My adult son lives with us (works full-time and pays rent.) For starters, I can think of four, the last of which is the most important:</p>
<ol>
<li> Clean up after yourself (should go without saying,but this includes doing your own laundry, washing dishes you use, etc.)</li>
<li> Watch the house when we’re away (bring in paprs and mail, water plants, etc.)</li>
<li>Chip in on chores</li>
<li> Don’t wake me up!</li>
</ol>
<ol>
<li> Treat us the way YOU would like to be treated.<br></li>
<li> Let me know if you will be eating at home or not…to avoid too many leftovers/not enough. If you use the last of anything critical (in our house, milk) please replace asap!</li>
<li> Let me know if you will not be home tonight. I don’t mind either way, but sleep better when I know whether or not someone may be rattling keys in the door at 3 am.</li>
<li> Respect our schedules…come in quietly on work nights please! Heck, any night…</li>
<li> Enjoy our generosity, but live frugally and plan ahead for the day you will move out.</li>
</ol>
<p>Get up by noon.</p>
<p>1) Set some rules up about having sleep-over guests…would you allow a boyfriend to sleep over?</p>
<p>2) Must do own chores (laundry, clean bathroom, etc), but must also be responsible for a household chore or two. If she will be eating dinner at home most nights, then she can do dishes or some other related family chore.</p>
<p>3) Save your money! Don’t spend money on silly things, while living at home for free!</p>
<p>4) If you borrow a car return it with a full tank or at least as much gas as it had when you borrowed it. (And, return anything that you borrorw).</p>
<p>5) Write your plans on the family calendar so we know when you won’t be home and when you will be. Let us know if you won’t be coming home at night…at least send a text/email.</p>
<p>In our case:</p>
<p>I dont mind if S doesn’t let us know he’s not coming home–I know the people he hangs out with, and figure if something happened, we’d hear (he doesn’t have a car, so no driving worries.) I myself wouldn’t expect a roommate to do this, and so I don’t expect it from him (obviously, this is a personal comfort zone choice.)</p>
<p>Sleepovers won’t happen here, simply because his room is literally closet-sized, and barely habitable. If he had a larger, guest-worthy room, I wouldn’t have a problem with a girlfriend staying over.</p>
<p>*I dont mind if S doesn’t let us know he’s not coming home–I know the people he hangs out with, and figure if something happened, we’d hear (he doesn’t have a car, so no driving worries.) I myself wouldn’t expect a roommate to do this, and so I don’t expect it from him (obviously, this is a personal comfort zone choice.)</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>I get that…However, my older son first wondered why we would ask him to let us know if he wouldn’t be coming home (this was in the summer when he was home). Then…one evening H and I were out late…guess who called us wondering where WE WERE??? LOL He now will text us if he’s not coming home or going to be out really late…and we do the same.</p>
<p>Alcohol consumption, coming in drunk, marijuana, one car, consequences of broken rules or outlandish behavior?</p>
<p>are you expecting outlandish behavior? She is a graduate student, so I wouldnt think so. I would treat her like you treat any one else you live with. You arent a roomate, you are family. Would you expect your family member to come home drunk? Behave outlandishly, bring illegal substances into the house, or be inconsiderate about the car?</p>
<p>Switters beat me to it. My S is 25; I assume he’ll act like the fairly responsible adult he is. I think most kids have grown out of all that by the time they’re past the first few years of undergrad–do you have reason to expect it?</p>
<p>I am about to move home and start a job, I’ll be staying there until I can establish some savings for an emergency fund and save up for furniture and my own car. The rules in my house are as follows</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Clean up after self</p></li>
<li><p>Do own shopping and cooking.</p></li>
<li><p>No personal belongings outside the bedroom</p></li>
<li><p>No loitering outside of bedroom if people are home.</p></li>
<li><p>No taking the shared child car unless the younger D doesn’t want it for anything. She gets first grab at it.</p></li>
<li><p>Curfew is midnight and not negotiable under any circumstances.</p></li>
<li><p>No sleep overs with anyone, daytime guests okay with permission.</p></li>
<li><p>Unless I am coming in the door at curfew and going straight upstairs, I am not allowed out of my room after 11pm.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I would be allowed to drink if I wanted to being that I am of age and my parents dont disapprove, coming home drunk would not be an issue unless I drove or unless it became disruptive to the household. I rarely if ever drink anyway so that’s not really an issue anyway. No tolerance for drugs but also a non-issue.</p>
<p>The curfew is annoying since at my age everybody works full time and doesn’t even get together until after 10, and my bedroom is now a storage room so having myself and all of my belongings banished to it is problematic-- there is NO space. But it’s not the end of the world and that is what it will take to get my feet on the ground. I hope to be out within six months.</p>
<p>We’ve had 2 adult offspring live here after college for up to 3 years.
They were working and paid (a nominal) rent, and as such became our house mates.
We asked to know if they would be staying out for the night, a late night/wee hours text was fine for sudden change of plans.
We had no ‘guest’ rules for their rooms, but for folks using our guest space we were consulted.
We shared our food if we knew they’d be home, but did not plan food for them otherwise. We sometimes asked for one or the other to be in charge of a shared meal.
We expected participation in household upkeep, and prearranged laundry times.</p>
<p>It was nice to have that adult time with them.
One has relocated to the opposite coast. The other had taken an opportunity to share a house with friends.</p>
<p>
I hope so too, for your sake. Those rules seem overly restrictive to me.</p>
<p>
Wow! Is it just me, or does some of this sound a bit harsh? I agree that shopping would be helpful and assisting with dinner would be great, too, but are you supposed to cook your own meals instead of eating with your family? No personal belongings outside the bedroom? Is this the home in which you were raised? I’m assuming you can keep your toiletries, etc. in the bathroom? Okay, number four … are you saying you’re not allowed to be anywhere in the house other than your bedroom if other family members are home? Surely you’re not serious! Do you not get along well with your family? I just don’t get that at all. The curfew seems early to me, especially for a weekend and for someone of your age. By “no sleep overs”, do you mean you’re not allowed to stay the night at anyone else’s house, either, or just no overnights at your house? I don’t understand the not being allowed out of your room after 11 p.m., either. You don’t mention whether or not you’ll be paying rent but, if you are, I believe you could find another place where you could enjoy some freedom. It doesn’t sound as if you’ll be getting much of that at home. I really feel for you! I hope you’re able to save every little penny and get a place of your own soon. Good luck!</p></li>
</ol>
<p>The rules sound bad, but in context a lot of them make more sense. I didn’t realize they would be that shocking or I wouldn’t have posted, I didn’t mean to cause a scene. XD </p>
<p>Both my parents and my younger sister are self-employed and work from the home every waking hour of the day. So we have an office in just about every room of the house including the living room and the kitchen, and my hanging around in someone’s office is not appreciated as it is distracting. And the master bedroom is my dad’s office and it’s hot up there from all the equipment, so my mom sleeps in her office in the living room, which is where the door is and is why I am not allowed to be coming in late or coming downstairs after 11. It’s because my mom is sleeping and she would wake up if the door opened. </p>
<p>I won’t be paying rent and they are providing transportation for me to get to work until I can afford to buy my own car, and paying for my gas and insurance and my cell phone too,so I don’t complain. I did when I was 18 but I got over it. I’m not expected to do any chores around the house besides my own cooking and cleaning, so it’s just sort of like living in a reaaaaaaally teeny apartment and having an obnoxious curfew. I don’t think a curfew is entirely unfair, if it were my house I’d like to know the doors are locked for the night at a certain time, too.</p>
<p>Our house has been this way for a long time, so I forget that it is not normal. My mom has worked from home as a transcriptionist most of my life so we have always had to be quiet and stay out of the living room, and now my sister works in the kitchen and my dad works upstairs. As a HS student I was an angsty teenager and never left my room anyway, so it didn’t occur to me that this arrangement is annoying until now that I am moving home after growing up some while away.</p>
<p>Yikes! Agree with oregonianmom & Splashmom.</p>
<p>Those rules are a lot of incentive to move on quickly.</p>
<p>Ema - I enjoy your posts so much, I’d be thrilled to sit at the kitchen table and chat often :)</p>
<p>ok - crossposted with Ema; makes some sense</p>
<p>I would have the same rules as for any guest in my home: none. If I felt I needed rules for my adult child to live with me, I would have failed at raising them. Curfews? Seriously? Clean up after yourself? I would hope so. Let me know what time you’ll be home? Only as I would expect anybody else staying in my home to do so. Not as a rule, but as a courtesy. I was done raising them when they left for college.</p>
<p>I moved home for a little bit after I graduated. Didn’t really have any ‘rules’ per say. Just be nice and don’t wake anyone up if you come home late. If not coming home for the night a quick text saying “hey won’t be home tonight” would be appreciated. </p>
<p>I’ve always paid my own bills as far as car, insurance, phone, food, etc. Didn’t pay any rent while I stayed there - just put the money in the bank and saved it towards the down payment on my house.</p>
<p>I don’t think those rules are strict at all.At that age the home scenario NEEDS to be made uncomfortable so that they can have incentive to move out.My brother is 30 years old,has 2 kids and still lives at home with mom and dad.He dropped out of college 1 course short of graduation and never cared to return.Still he gets 3 meals a day and a cushy roof over his head under which he watches TV all day.He has never had a job.All this because parents did NOT set HARSH MEASURES to get him to get the hell out of the house.I’m so glad I’m off to college in the fall so I don’t have to deal with his lazy behind.<em>end of rant</em></p>
<p>I have had kids come home for transitional times…the main rule is communication. Text me if you will be out late or sleeping over at a friends house.</p>
<p>Be polite and part of the team, wash a dish, sweep the floor if it’s dirty, whatever, just treat our house as if it is your house and as if you care that it is neat.</p>